I can't do this.

[Fedup1111]

I'm a FTM with a month old baby. I very much wanted a baby, always wanted a family of my own and suffered a miscarriage before the birth of my rainbow baby.

This is too hard. I have a very fussy baby who cries all night. For hours and hours. I have tried everything. I don't even have the strength to try and eliminate what could be causing it. It must be colic. But the crying just doesn't stop until she tired herself out. I've spoken to the GP, midwives, HV and tried different meds to no relief.

I'm exhausted. I hate my life. I want to cry all the time and wonder what the hell I have done. It was my idea to have a baby and I feel like I've ruined my husband's life as well.

My baby isn't a joy to be around, it's the hardest thing I've ever done and I feel incredible guilt over this. Her crying makes me feel so distressed as all i want to do is make her feel better and nothing helps.

She deserves better than me, someone who can help her distressed cries and I just want to run away.

I don't know what I'm trying to achieve by posting here but I'm in such a dark place I'm actually feeling I'm a useless waste of space and a failure of a mother.

@Fedup1111 hope you are feeling better you've had some really good advice. X

You can do it!!

It was this forum which helped me so much and made me realise that it will pass. Honestly the first 12 weeks are so difficult. It gets better . My daughter is 17 months and we have up and down days but it is million miles away from where we started.

Oh god my DD was like this. It was total hell. If it’s any consolation, it is so true that all babies are different. I can’t say this loudly enough, IT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU ARE DOING WRONG, it’s not your fault. I’m only just realising this as I sit here with my 7 week old DS (yes, I was mad enough to do it again) - he has his moments but he’s so much more chilled. So many times when DD was screaming her head off I was crying ‘what am I doing wrong?!’ - I’m treating this one just the same but he’s not refluxy, he’s less colicky, he naps! (DD didn’t nap, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw DS had fallen asleep in his bouncy chair by himself, I didn’t think babies did that!) He’s just his own person and it’s made me realise that DD being hard wasn’t my fault :) and it wasn’t her fault either, she was a tiny baby. She was just high needs, it was just the way it goes. I remember people telling me high needs babies are often very bright which reassured me a bit at the time if it helps 😁

I know that it’s hell when you’re living it. I used to fantasise about walking out when she was in the first 12 weeks, but honestly at 2 she is my very best pal. You are not alone and you will get through this. Practical tips - I found that if I wasn’t showered and didn’t get out of the house it was a bad day, so even if it means putting up with screaming, make sure to get a quick shower first thing and a good walk in whatever the weather. And if there’s a single soul who can keep an eye on her while you take a couple of hours of rest do it - I wish I’d taken friends up on the offer when I was struggling. And do what you need to - no guilt about dummies/feeding/etc. But you will get through it, I promise x

It honestly will get better. How long is baby awake for at a time because overtiredness can cause a lot of screaming too. At that age I did feed, wind, nappy change and back to sleep by rocking or a sling. Then repeat. X

By god it's a cruel trick. This is like happening on a diary I wrote 10 years ago. I felt like no one could see me. I was practically broken, telling anyone that would listen that he cried. He cried all the time. The response was generally "yeah, that's babies for you." I really could not see an end or a way out.

He is now the life and soul of the party. If there is no party, he creates one, and everyone's invited. He is sensitive, joyful, intellect and so, so funny.

What would I say to myself 10 years ago? You absolutely can do this. Have no expectations. Lower your standards. You won't and cannot enjoy this baby stage and that's ok. It's not enjoyable! But celebrate every little good moment. Know that this is going to get better. Know that as hard as it is, it will make you deeply grateful for your beautiful life and your beautiful child. Perfection just takes a little time.

It's not normal for a baby to cry all night if needs have been met. Definitely look at reflux symptoms and cranial osteopathy is it was a difficult birth.

Advice from one mum to another. Bugger social media that mean you feel like your failing if you aren't doing x, bugger baby groups if they aren't your thing, work out what you need to survive dad to day.

My first I was here there and everywhere and she was a fussy baby with reflux (cue outfit change 100 times a day, made worse from being out of the house all the time. The stress.

With my second I'm like bugger that, I'm gonna survive the first year and just hang out with baby. Also AirPods can help drown out when baby is crying and you can't do anything to help other than hold them, sling for when baby insists on being held and the house has turned into a health hazard (I wouldn't spend all your time tidying, remember right now it's survival)

And you absolutely 100% can do this. I remember many many times thinking this with my Dd, my friend said I made mothering look easy and I started manically laughing. Sleep deprivation does weird things to the brain.

Take shifts with baby. Baby sensory on YouTube (search baby dots) the music is just brain numbing but both my kids like it.
And throw the rule book out, we are all winging it I promise you that.

YOU CAN DO THIS !!!!

My first was like that; I felt like you describe. Colic, reflux, wouldn't sleep. I was so tired and depressed. It gets easier, much much easier, focus on getting to 8 weeks, then 3 months. My first has always been a bit highly strung (7 now) but after being such a very difficult baby she was an easy toddler! My second was nothing like this, so easy, no colic, no reflux, slept. It's not you, it's the baby! You are doing your best.

Hi OP can I just say my daughter was EXACTLY like this if not worse she cried 24/7 literally she was either awake or screaming and her cry was not normal it was an extremely loud pitch wail. I had her investigated for everything but ultimately it was just her nature and she grew out of it. However, I totally live in regret 5 years on about how much I hated that time and didn't embrace her or enjoy her no matter how hard it was. So my advice is please think ahead this time will pass try to enjoy her she's not crying or being fussy on purpose maybe she is uncomfortable or has colic or something. Some babies I genuinely believe are not good at being babies - like my daughter. She is now a high spirited energetic 5 year old. She is still quite clingy and wants a lot of my attention but that's ok she will grow out of this phase too. Try to enjoy it I know it's hard but just try xxx

Just to give you a virtual hug. Women are the one to give birth, not men because we ARE strong enough to get through it. I know it’s awful, all you can think about is sleep. You MUST get someone to take her so you can get a solid break. Are you in a position to pay a doula?

Have you had her checked for tongue tie? Get onto La Leche League pronto-a lady in my nct group had a baby like yours and the day she got her tt snipped, everything got better because she could feed properly. Hang in there, you are doing brilliantly. It WILL get better, I promise but you must ask for help from your GP and HV. Also, do you have a nursing chair? It does help for the never ending feeds xxxx