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Original poster

Regret..

34 replies

BiscoffSundae · 04/07/2022 20:57

Feel awful saying this but does anyone ever regret having children?, if I could have my time again no way would I have ever had children, people say you can never regret having a child but it just isn’t true.

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Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/07/2022 20:58

Also to add I of course love my children but I wish I could have my life over again without children.

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shivawn · 04/07/2022 20:59

No, not me but this topic is constantly coming up on mumsnet and yes many people say they do.

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/07/2022 21:09

Ah well it’s good to know it isn’t just me, I just often wish I could go back in time, it’s not a nice feeling but I can’t help feeling this way.

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Mushroo · 04/07/2022 21:11

@BiscoffSundae if you don’t mind me asking, what are you circumstances? We’re the kids planned?

im thinking about TTC but I’m on the fence and I would be interested to know a bit more about why you feel that way as it is my biggest fear

newbiename · 04/07/2022 21:13

It's difficult to say you regret them when they're here , but it's certainly wouldn't have any if I had my time again.

Littletikes41 · 04/07/2022 21:14

I don't but all of mine are good sleepers and rarely cried as babies. I do know plenty of people who regret having DC. Sorry you're feeling this way, hope you're OK.

ApolloandDaphne · 04/07/2022 21:16

Absolutely never. I adore my children. They are adults now and I have loved every minute of their lives. That is not so say it has been easy. We lost our eldest DD1 when she was 5 and life was hard after that but we adored our DDs who we still had. They are adults now and they are amazing people.

Oestrogelsmuggler · 04/07/2022 21:18

They're massively over-rated, and there's so much sunk cost fallacy about that hardly anyone dares say this. But of course, you're not alone in feeling that way.

givingupchocolatemonday · 04/07/2022 21:20

I definitely have moments where I wish I didn't have mine. Feel guilty saying it.
I do think mine have calmed me down though as I can be quite wild and this side comes out when I'm child free.
But yes I have regretful times and wonder where I would be if I hadn't of met my ex.

Arthursmom · 04/07/2022 21:22

There was a documentary about this years ago. I think it's fairly common so wouldn't say you're alone in that. Is it regret or is it that you wouldn't make the same choice now knowing what you know? Hindsight is 20:20.

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/07/2022 21:24

My oldest wasn’t planned and to be honest I never would have stayed with my ex for so long If I didn’t have her, we did have other planned children so my daughter had siblings but now he has left and has no contact I would never have chosen this life and wish I could turn the clock back.

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AliceW89 · 04/07/2022 21:25

I did when DS was a baby. I was sleep deprived, lonely and very depressed. He cried a lot and it was lockdown. I would have gone back in time in a heartbeat.

I don’t regret it now he’s a gorgeous little rascal of a 2 year old who sleeps well and I can do loads with on my days off. My life seems to have a good balance. I wouldn’t undo having him for anything.

I’ll be sticking at one though. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m not sure I could cope with more than one. I don’t want to risk tipping the balance into not coping and regret.

garlicandsapphires · 04/07/2022 21:26

This is quite reassuring to hear as someone struggling with infertility!!

LT2 · 04/07/2022 21:26

No. But then my son is only 5 months old. I can't imagine ever feeling that way as I've longed for a child since I was a child! Now he's here I don't regret it one bit. But I guess it could be new parent naivety.. I've no idea what's to come!

Iceewicee · 04/07/2022 21:28

Littletikes41 · 04/07/2022 21:14

I don't but all of mine are good sleepers and rarely cried as babies. I do know plenty of people who regret having DC. Sorry you're feeling this way, hope you're OK.

I think that's a bit of an assumption. I know people who had amazingly easy babies but then their children developed life limiting illness when they were older. A friend died when her DC was 8 YO and was questioning her decision to have DC before she died and leaving without a mother.

It's not just the baby stage (as shit as that is).

Thescentoftheocean · 04/07/2022 21:29

No regrets but I do sometimes mourn my sleep child free days.

I think you have very difficult circumstances OP. It’s difficult to advise really. I think your regrets mostly seem to centre around being a lone parent rather than being a parent, which is understandable.

FletcherJessica · 04/07/2022 21:34

I don't regret having my children. I often dream about being away from them for a week or so though.

And I WISH someone had told me how much emotional work you have to do when you have kids. If you had a shitty upbringing and think you're over it and we'll adjusted now, a child will show you just how untrue that it!

Libre2 · 04/07/2022 21:36

I don’t regret it, but wouldn’t do it again if I had my time again - if that makes sense. DH and I would have been just as happy, if not more so,
without children. We were never going to have any and then DS “happened” so we had DD to provide a sibling. They’re both amazing but at 13 and 11 struggling - one with a relatively newly diagnosed life-long condition and both with mental health issues after lockdown.

I hate it for them and it is very hard work. I never stop worrying.

Littletikes41 · 04/07/2022 21:53

Iceewicee · 04/07/2022 21:28

I think that's a bit of an assumption. I know people who had amazingly easy babies but then their children developed life limiting illness when they were older. A friend died when her DC was 8 YO and was questioning her decision to have DC before she died and leaving without a mother.

It's not just the baby stage (as shit as that is).

Show quote history

Well yes, I meant my experience has been easy but in different circumstances I may not have coped as well and possibly regretted it. Sorry to hear about your friend.

Whataboutno · 04/07/2022 22:36

@ApolloandDaphne I'm so sorry ♥️

Smogtopia · 04/07/2022 22:51

I've had super short term periods of 'the grass is greener' as I watch child free friends navigate holidays or stay late at events or even just relax at the end of a hard week at work. But absolutely ultimately my life is all the better for my children.

Do you think you're going through a 'rough patch'? My children becoming more independent and out of the baby stage has made me truly enjoy (not just instinctively love and protect) them. How old are yours?

PixelMummy · 04/07/2022 23:31

BiscoffSundae · 04/07/2022 21:24

My oldest wasn’t planned and to be honest I never would have stayed with my ex for so long If I didn’t have her, we did have other planned children so my daughter had siblings but now he has left and has no contact I would never have chosen this life and wish I could turn the clock back.

I'm so sorry to read this, and of course how you're feeling makes absolute sense. :( It sounds like you're in such a rough spot, with so many wounds and traumas to work through.

Are you getting any support for your mental health? Not to say that how you are feeling means you're unwell. But getting proper support to help you cope and work through your difficult circumstances can help you to make the most of your life, your family, and your future.

Wishing you all the best. x

LT2 · 05/07/2022 07:41

I think this also depends where you are in your parenting journey. Of course I can only hazard a guess with this because she'd never say otherwise but I truly believe my mum doesn't regret that she had us. When we were children she possibly may have. I can't imagine raising 3 children was always easy. But now we are adults with our own families, and my dad is no longer with us, she looks forward to seeing her children and grandchildren. And we are a reminder for her of dad. She has friends but it's not the same as spending time with your own.
It makes sense that you have feelings of regret when you are in the very thick of it and you feel it's a long way until your 'freedom' is back.

SimonaRazowska · 05/07/2022 07:44

How old are your kids? It can be tough when they are young.

mine are young adults now and I sometimes regret not having more.

I think it is normal to have some regrets, good to acknowledge them and then move on. Regret is a useless emotion, so best not to dwell too much

amigreedytowantmore · 05/07/2022 07:50

no never regretted my children and never will

I do think a lot of these posts are by single parents who weren't married and had children with totally unsuitable men. of course that's going to make raising children much harder

I doubt you'd regret it so much if their father was a good one and on the scene?