Parenting things that matter to you

[Baciecafe]

I'm curious what matters to different families when parenting. I have a 20 month old and breastfeeding was v v important to me (I think I’m ready to stop now but he's not so that's another thread!). Had huge problems at the beginning but was lucky to have the right support to be able to do it in the end. Bringing him up bilingually is also something else that is very important to me and as we are surrounded by English, I have to find lots of ways to bring in the other language and be very intentional about it. There are other things, but those were/are the main ones for me right now. Wondering what others feel is important to them and families. 😊

Spending lots of time outside. Eating a good variety of foods. Travel.

Eating together in the evening. Discussing our day.

DS (8) told me last week that his fave thing is eating outside together & my homemade cakes.

Ah yes. These are important to me too. I am sometimes bad at getting out of the house. Getting him dressed is such a struggle right now.

Food is definitely up there. Travel is also a big one for me 😊 I hope discussing our day will be on the cards soon when he can talk.

Diet, which started with bf for 18 months I was lucky it was quite easy for me.
Fresh air and exercise
Basic security, so a home environment that is consistent, loving, unconditional
A decent school environment and lots of reading

I couldn't manage Disney and I won't manage annual skiing trips etc but the above have helped create a happy, healthy, resilient 14yo DS (so far).

Good food and good shoes

Interesting thread. Eldest just graduated and youngest 18 so have a different perspective. I breastfed for 2 months, thought that was good but it’s not by today’s standards. I was a SAHM for 7 years and that was the most important thing to me. We sacrificed lots for me to do that but we don’t regret it.

That DS knows he's loved. I couldn't give a shit about anything else to be honest.

Good manners and respect for others. Calm and open communication. I never wanted to be in a home where people shouted at each other and slammed doors etc. We have two teens and although we disagree on plenty of things, we all seem to be able to communicate kindly, politely and fairly with each other without raised voices. I recognise there is an element of luck involved here too!

Right now at this moment in time- eldest is 9 youngest is 1, is just giving them a happy, loving childhood that they will (hopefully) look back and smile about!

Breastfeeding, not allowing baby to 'cry it out', co sleeping if necessary, calm atmosphere to bring DC up in, not hitting/shouting at kids. Good manners. Kindness

Preparing them for adulthood.

Always eating at the table and
Using cutlery correctly. My DC are adults now and also judge potential BFs on this.

Also speaking well and not dropping letters.

Dd is 5 now, but breastfeeding was very important to me. I fed her for 3 years.

Now it’s having a healthy relationship with food, nothing is off limits, Dd sets her own appetite and has control over what she eats and when. I had a very regimented food upbringing and it’s made me super weird about meals/food shopping. I don’t want to pass that on.

Breastfeeding has been important to me with both (and annoyingly we have struggled each time although hoping things are on the up with two-week-old DD after a rocky start). But mainly just parenting in a way where they feel loved and secure and trust us.

Ditto. That DS and DD know how much we love them, value them, wanted them. Many of the things mentioned above mattered to me too but they are also in the past now and don't seem as important anymore.

I think of being a parent as a relationship and so the most important things to me are that we try to bring out the best in each other, meet everyone's needs and know that our family is a secure and safe space where you'll be loved and supported but you're also expected to contribute by being kind, sometimes doing stuff you don't enjoy just to make someone else happy (like going to the museum) and respect each other

Instilling a love of reading

Breastfeeding
Physical contact - handholding, cuddles and affection
Eating at the table with no technology
Going for walks / time outside
Saying I love you
Teaching responsibility/ chores
Teaching good manners and how to be a good person, modelling kindness
Reading and books

Showing up for them - I’ve never missed an assembly/sports day/nativity etc, doing the school runs and knowing their teachers and parents of friends etc - this was majorly missing from my own childhood and I always said I’d be the complete opposite with my own DC

Them being able to come to me with problems and tell me if they need help even if it means admitting they’ve messed up

Preparing them for adulthood - again something which wasn’t important in my own childhood and when we reached adulthood I picked everything up and got on but my two brothers didn’t, and still haven’t at nearly Middle Aged; nothing really to show for their life, flitting from job to job, debts up to their eyeballs with my Mum still repeatedly bailing them out, never owned a home etc and I think it’s completely down to how much my Mum did and still does for them, again I vowed to be the opposite with my DC, which my Mum is very put out by, she thinks it’s utterly scandalous that they have chores and have to save up their spends for things and that I don’t just buy them what they want 🙄

All the small things have changed as they’ve got older so they just don’t seem important now, before I had kids things like eating organic food and not having dummies were important to me … then I realised none of that matters in the long run

Wow that was quite an essay sorry 🤦🏻‍♀️

DD is 9 months.

At first I very much wanted to breastfeed but I struggled so much and had to stop.

Giving her a great variety of foods as well as (hopefully) a good relationship with food as she grows up.

Outdoor time.

One day I would like to be able to have nice holidays with her. IME children won't remember fancy toys but holidays bring memories that will be cherished forever.

I hope to one day have my own house and get her interested in gardening/growing our own food.

Above all just making sure she's happy and healthy and having a healthy relationship with her.

@ColourfulOnesie showing up for them is such a good one I can't believe I forgot that!

For me, it’s about raising my children in our faith - and as part of that empathy & generosity towards others and supporting them to have a healthy self esteem.

Oh and politics. I’ve spoken to my kids about voting from being babies. I want my children to see politics as a route to loving your neighbour and to vote accordingly.

DD is 12 now
As a baby breastfeeding was important, I fed her until the night before she turned 3 when she declared herself too old OP I found from 2 - 2.5 years she returned almost to a new born again as her molars came through mostly for comfort and pain relief I suppose but then feeds dwindled right down.

I was 23 and a single parent from the start so I was very aware of making sure she missed out on as few things as possible, we were fortunate to have lots of free baby and toddler classes to go to with Surestart centres but Im not sure they are a thing anymore. I bought ALOT of books from the book people and we were always at the library, I read to her all the time and we did baby signing too. She has had an extensive vocab since before she could talk, first through signing which minimised her stress and frustration creating a much nicer environment to raise her and then as a talker.

I have never shouted at DD, I was very aware that I looked young for my age when I had her and read alot of child psychology and development type books. I'm proud we've always had a very calm household.

Being at school events was important so I have always worked term time only and fortunately have managed to accrue toil to go to sports days etc and if I couldnt go one of my parents went instead. She is at High School now and I am due to move to a flexi WFH role out of the education sector soon.

Looking back I think I tried to over compensate in some areas and would give all of the dance classes that suddenly got tagged on to her original baby ballet class a miss if I was doing things again. We suddenly went from one class on Saturday morning to 2 classes almost every school night and everyone else was doing it so I thought we should. In hindsight it was a waste of time we could have spent doing other things. DD is a rugged rugby player now and hasnt been near a pair of ballet shoes in years.

i Couldn’t ever have cared less about breastfeeding, it’s so completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

lots of love, security manners, kindness, respect and honesty.