Parenting things that matter to you

[Baciecafe]

I'm curious what matters to different families when parenting. I have a 20 month old and breastfeeding was v v important to me (I think I’m ready to stop now but he's not so that's another thread!). Had huge problems at the beginning but was lucky to have the right support to be able to do it in the end. Bringing him up bilingually is also something else that is very important to me and as we are surrounded by English, I have to find lots of ways to bring in the other language and be very intentional about it. There are other things, but those were/are the main ones for me right now. Wondering what others feel is important to them and families. 😊

Family time is important, just the 3 of us together but also time for him with DH and I on our own

I find it really important to make sure DS knows he can cry, that's it's ok for him to shed tears

Also that he knows it's ok to not be the best at everything, that we love him no matter what and if he comes last in a race at school we don't care and won't be disappointed

Youve got me thinking now! Another one is to make sure he knows he doesn't have to follow the crowd or be the same as everyone else. Eg his friends enjoy football but he prefers basketball. Or his friends enjoy Minecraft but he prefers YouTube videos. We consistently tell him it's ok to be different and more Important to be true to yourself

I really just want DD to feel safe and cosy and happy. Lots of physical affection, minimal shouting (although I’m not perfect on that front!), we have a big king size bed and she can come and sleep with us if she gets scared in the night. I also just generally wanted to be… around. My mum worked really long hours and would get home at nearly 7 completely stressed and just snap at us all.

Both my husband and I come from homes with divorced parents that were varying degrees of chaotic/neglectful/abusive. I think we both desperately wanted that “normal” nuclear family experience.

Breastfeeding
Independent sleep
As much freedom as possible in the context of firm boundaries on important things
That they should feel loved, respected, and valued
That adult time and happiness is important too

DH and I parenting as a team.

Time as a family.

Time outside

Time one on one.

Being loved

Being respected

Emotional resilience. There is a lot of poor MH on both sides of the family and I'm determined to break the cycle.

My DS is 11 months and I'd say
Breastfeeding (super proud to have almost hit the year mark)
Food (exposing him to as much variety and choice as we can and creating a good relationship with food)
Love/Comfort (always want him to know that I will always be there to comfort him and make sure he feels loved)

Instilling the values that were important to us through our own behaviour and conduct.
Being clear and as consistent as we could about what was acceptable behaviour . Tried to use natural consequences rather than punishments.
It was important to me to be able to tell my DC's that I made decisions based on what I thought was best for them and not be influenced by what other people's opinions.. What extended family and the neighbours might think was very important to my parents when I was growing up whether or not their opinions had any value.

plenty of sleep- I see so many kids tired, having to be woken up for school in reception/ year 1- it’s not right imo- everything from their health, their ability to learn stems from good sleep.

I want my child to have friends and socialise, I go on plenty of play dates to ensure lots of interaction.

As they get older I want them to understand money- money management, the importance of earning well, in whatever field they choose.

Creating responsible, independent, healthy adults who are aware of their responsibilities towards others not just their rights.

Books and reading

Socialising - my parents did very little for me in this regard; no clubs, didn't like me inviting friends over or picking me up from friends houses. Extra curricular interests the same.

Travel. Can't afford this at the moment but planning on this from next year.

Listening and talking to my children. Taking an interest in their interests. I want them to feel they can tell me anything without me going mental at them.

To parent the child I have, not the one I thought I'd have.

Lots of unstructured outside play in all weathers.

Matching pyjamas every night (weird one, probably something from my own less than ideal childhood there, as are the below I expect)

To give opportunities.

To build savings for his future.

To foster resilience.

To ensure he knows he is loved, and feels safe and secure (which currently looks like cuddling to sleep and co-sleeping for the first time at almost 4yo)

That they know that they are loved and well cared for.

I say daily affirmations to my DS.

Ditto a lot of the above, but having a 5yo with complex autism the most important things are making sure he is/feels safe at all times whilst also making sure that I don’t let his wants and needs trump the other children's (or have them believe they do). It’s a huge balancing act but hope I’m getting it right.

Clean good quality bedding, story time, breast feeding I was adamant I would do it which has lead to their diet now being important. Man it's and general kindness

DD is only 4.5m so this might change but currently I think- equal parenting by both parents and consistency, a healthy relationship with food and exposing her to a wide variety of tastes, reading (she already has so many books!) and as we plan for her to be an only child (and she will likely be an only grandchild on both sides) it is very to me that she isn't spoiled as a result.

Education and instilling a love of reading.
Exposing them to new experiences, e.g. theatre, museums.
I’d love to teach them to ski and ride horses like I did growing up, but sadly the former is certainly well out of the reach of our budget.

Aside from that we’re just hoping to raise them as resilient, determined, hard working and with good manners.

Modelling respectful, loving adult relationships and healthy boundaries.

Being a parent has been so much about getting our own shit together, as individuals and as a couple.

Interesting thread!

For me it’s parenting as a team with DH and sharing the childcare responsibilities.

Avoiding full time childcare and holiday clubs where possible (they do go some of the time though).

Encouraging learning and access to good schools.

Early-ish bedtimes.

Clean, ironed clothes.

Feeling loved and able to talk about their feelings.

I think this is a really nice summary. In particular liked the bit about 'bringing out the best in each other'.

I find this a challenge with a teen but it is definitely what I aim toward. (Often I feel, missing the target).

Breastfeeding , good diet , exercise and fresh air, eating together and not putting them in nurseries (this isn’t a criticism etc just our own preference, we didn’t have family support but back working now they are in school)
Also having siblings!! Obviously again not possible for everyone but it has been so wonderful to see my 3 dcs grow up together, have fun , share loads of memories, it’s the best part , being this close three. Really wonderful.

Also really listening to them and taking an interest in their own individual hobbies and interests is really important to us.

That they feel loved.
That we have a laugh.
That they are cared for
That they grow up with integrity

Ds is 4 and I've always subscribed to the "it takes a village" mentality based on my own upbringing so he is very close to both sets of grandparents (who do childcare/we see socially each week) and his aunty/uncle. I want ds to grow up with as many secure relationships as possible and to always feel there's someone he can talk to.

Positive praise - I try to point out episodes of good listening etc to balance out the time I have to instil boundaries/tell him off (!)

Good diet with as much home cooked food as possible.

I want ds to know he is always loved and he is always safe with us.

Lots of outside and fresh air - ds loves helping me in the garden and growing our own strawberries etc.