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Parenting

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Original poster

experienced mothers please help

39 replies

chibi · 16/01/2008 09:43

I need advice, please!

I went to my postnatal coffee morning and it seems all the other mums are doing stuff to encourage standing and walking amongst other thimgs. I haven't but now I wonder if I should. All of our babies are about 7 mo, my dd is 7.5 mo.

Are you meant to do this? Should I have known this already? Is it common sense/knowledge which I lack? I don't have anyone who can advise me in real life. Is there a book I should have read?

I do play with my dd + read to her but I'm never sure of what I should be doing. I sort of though developmental stuff would sort itself out on its own but now I'm a bit worried that there are things I can and should be doing. For example, she is still not super steady when she sits + will often fall over when she reaches for stuff.

I will not be offended if you say I am a dumbass with PFB issues.

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Original poster

chibi · 16/01/2008 09:45

I do encourage sitting throughout the dayt by getting on the floor having her sit between my legs for safety/supprt -0 not supporting her as such but to break her fall when she falls over

OP posts:

DoodleToYou · 16/01/2008 09:46

Message withdrawn

numptysmummy · 16/01/2008 09:47

Chill,they all do stuff when they are ready,no matter how much you try pushing them. Play gentle action kind of games i.e supporting her while she stands on your lap,perhaps a baby bouncer that hangs from the door frame - that will help her legs get stronger. Ttry not to worry about others, they are little for such a short time enjoy it!

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MrsJohnCusack · 16/01/2008 09:48

you don't need to encourage standing and walking - they'll do it by themselves when they're good and ready

also my 10 month old is crap at sitting; he can I think if he's concentrating on something else but he's not interested in doing so - he wants to roll and crawl.

not sure I am an 'experienced' mother but he is my second and you do NOT need to do any more than you are doing. they learn through play so just let her play. and reading is great!

other mothers might succeed in getting their babies to walk early etc. but a) there's no way of telling if they would have walked early anyway and b) it really isn't going to matter in a few years anyway

MummyDoIt · 16/01/2008 09:49

I second what Doodle says. I think the rest of your group are the ones with PFB issues. By all means, hold your DD's hands and get her standing if it's a fun game that you both enjoy but nothing you do will make her reach any of the milestones earlier than nature intended. Just relax and have fun with her.

themildmanneredjanitor · 16/01/2008 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saadia · 16/01/2008 09:50

I think you are right that developmental stuff will happen on it's own. I think 7m is way too young to encourage standing and walking, it might actually even be harmful. It sounds like you are doing really well, playing, reading and interacting are the most important things. Don't worry about being unsteady when she is sitting, she will learn to balance herself. They all learn in their own time. My ds1 walked at 1yr, while ds2 didn't walk till he was nearer 1.5yrs, it's amazing whenever it happens and it has no bearing on future development.

MrsJohnCusack · 16/01/2008 09:50

oh yes, you DO sound easily the most sane

TheMadHouse · 16/01/2008 09:51

Chibi

I think you are doing just fine, there is no manual you have to follow, children develope at different stages.

I am sure that your baby will do this when she is ready and if she is anything like my DS2 he didnt sit till 9 months and then walked and crawled at the same time.

Dont worry - just enjoy your time with her

sundew · 16/01/2008 09:51

Hi chibi - you are doing the right thing. I used to put a V pillow behind my dds when they were first sitting.

Just remember every child is different and they all learn things at their own pace. Your dd is at my favourite baby age - where they can play by themselves but stay where they are put! Early walking is a much overrated skill - dd2 was walking at 9 months - which was a complete nightmare as we had twice as long of the pulling everything of the shelves / out of the cupboards stage.

All you should be doing is enjoying your dd and playing with her - make the most of this stage it doesn't last long.

Rantmum · 16/01/2008 09:52

The only thing I did (apart from play with my ds) is let him play on his front when he was really small. He started crawling at 7 mths and walked at 10 mths and if anything I was trying to prevent that because we had just moved into a house that was a building site and I wanted to contain him!

I once heard that in general babies concentrate on different things at different times - so whilst some children develop things like their physical abilities primarily first, other children are concentrating more on cognitive abilities such as speech etc. Basically, they all get there in the end and at the pace that suits them. As long as your child is contented, alert and loved she will do all the right things at the right time for her...

elesbells · 16/01/2008 09:52

agree with doodle. They do it in their own time.

charliemama · 16/01/2008 09:53

Chibi I know how it feels to watch other people and feel like that they know what they're doing and you are muddling through. I have felt that each of my DCs at some point.

However, mankind has survived a long time in all sorts of circumstances. I completely concur with Doodletoyou. Try and relax your baby will reach her milestones when she is good and ready. I know people with babies who walked at 8 months and others at 18 months. My mantra is I haven't seen a child crawl to school.

TBH I think there is actually very little you can do so its best just to let your DD get on with it and do the things with her that you both enjoy.

Original poster

chibi · 16/01/2008 09:53

thank you. I am trying to follow my instincts as much as possible, and keep reminding myself that you don't make your parenting choices to fit in, but because they work for you and your family. despite all this whenever my postnatal group are all doing one thing + me another I can't help but second guess myself.

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TheMadHouse · 16/01/2008 09:55

I was so much a better mum when we moved and I left my post natal group. It was very competative and brought out a nasty streak in people

Original poster

chibi · 16/01/2008 09:55

rantmum, if i put her on here front she rolls onto her back doublequick, has done for months! i don't think she'll crawl, maybe shuffle?

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MightySquonk · 16/01/2008 09:55

sounds to me like you're doing everything spot on.

And it also sounds like the mums at your post-natal group are perhaps expecting a bit much from their babies

shabster · 16/01/2008 09:59

I hate groups like that! Although, must admit, get a group of mums together and listen to the 'Is your baby not doing that yet - oh mine has been doing that for ages' Ignore sweetheart. I have had four sons and with every one you get someone who seems to know exactly what they are doing and makes you feel inadequate. I used to lie next to my lads when they were trying to crawl and we used to make a game of it. The greatest thing you can give your child is love, love and a bit more love. Dont put yourself down - just enjoy being a mum

flamingtoaster · 16/01/2008 09:59

Postnatal groups are competitive places - you are doing absolutely the right thing and are being led by your DD's development. Just remember when they start potty training ridiculously early - sit back and wait until your DD is ready - that way you can avoid loads of washing and floor cleaning!

DoodleToYou · 16/01/2008 10:01

Message withdrawn

MummyDoIt · 16/01/2008 10:02

If the postnatal group is causing you stress, I'd leave it and try a mother and toddler group. You can join with any age baby and you might find it more helpful to be in a group where there are kids of different ages, plus mums with more than one child. People tend to be more laid back after the first one and you won't get the same level of competitiveness.

hattyyellow · 16/01/2008 10:04

You are definitely the most sane of your group.

My DH is a physio and used to go mad when other mums would take one of our girls and pull her up by the hands to wobbily stand, it's actually bad for their shoulder joints.

Babies will do things at their own pace...

Original poster

chibi · 16/01/2008 10:05

thanks again i knew mothers of more than 1 child/older children would have a bit more perspective on things, here in the middle of babyhood no 1 things can be confusing + a bit fraught

OP posts:

MrsJohnCusack · 16/01/2008 10:07

I@ve rarely set foot in any other atmostphere as competetive as that at a postnatal group. You can FEEL it crackling through the air, it's insane

pirategirl · 16/01/2008 10:07

2nd guessing is the name of the game, and never stops!!!

Just carry on doing what you are doing, and your dd will be doing what comes naturally to her!!

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