Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Can someone with autism lead a 'normal' life?

81 replies

meg1209 · 28/06/2022 08:07

Hi,

My son is nearly 2 and being assessed for autism, he babbles but doesn't talk and stims. He also completely ignores everyone. Although he has no restrictive behaviours etc. (just yet, I'm not sure if this changes).

Over the last few days I've just been getting so upset as the future is so unknown. I know that this is the case for every single person, autism or not. But I just want to know, if he does get diagnosed, what is the likelihood he will lead a relatively 'normal' life.

When I say 'normal' I mean - go to mainstream school, have consistent friends/ relationships with others, be able to communicate and do things independently?

I just want him to have everything in life and have his own independence and experiences. Please tell me that this is possible for him, I love him so much ❤️

OP posts:
WiseMonkeys · 03/04/2024 19:40

It is so hard not knowing and yes it is different to having a neurotypical child.

However, autism is a spectrum and lots of autistic people live "normal" lives.

I'm autistic. Diagnosed as an adult. Went to mainstream school, always worked, been independent etc.

My child is a young adult still needing support but he has a life he is happy with.

It's great your child is being assessed and supported. Them being pre verbal may not be a long term thing. But even if it is, there are other ways to communicate.

I'd advise you follow lots of autistic advocates online. Not "autism mums" posting pictures of them crying because they're dreading the weekend with their kids 🙄 but actually autistic adults posting about their lived experiences as autistic adults (who were once autistic kids). Listen to their positives and negatives, things that have helped them, etc.

It's hard to look ahead and see nothing but question marks, take things short term and with positivity is my advice.

Bel43 · 03/04/2024 22:00

WiseMonkeys · 03/04/2024 19:40

It is so hard not knowing and yes it is different to having a neurotypical child.

However, autism is a spectrum and lots of autistic people live "normal" lives.

I'm autistic. Diagnosed as an adult. Went to mainstream school, always worked, been independent etc.

My child is a young adult still needing support but he has a life he is happy with.

It's great your child is being assessed and supported. Them being pre verbal may not be a long term thing. But even if it is, there are other ways to communicate.

I'd advise you follow lots of autistic advocates online. Not "autism mums" posting pictures of them crying because they're dreading the weekend with their kids 🙄 but actually autistic adults posting about their lived experiences as autistic adults (who were once autistic kids). Listen to their positives and negatives, things that have helped them, etc.

It's hard to look ahead and see nothing but question marks, take things short term and with positivity is my advice.

Agree, the support is so key. PECS worked amazingly for my child and seems to be the bridge to him becoming verbal

Letsseeshallwe · 03/04/2024 22:04

Let's be real - being diagnosed so young will mean it's likely more pronounced than if diagnosed at 5, 8 or 12 and so on. However, while it can also be the hardest years and such huge fear of the unknown, they can surprise you. When your child is ten you may look back at when they were five and be amazed at how far they've come as it just didn't seem possible at the time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

StarlightLime · 03/04/2024 22:07

I'm sure there's a vast range, op, but a friend's 19 year old son is currently storming his second year at Uni, having come from a mainstream school.
He plays sports, has friends (has always had friends), drives; his life is just like any other man's whatever his extra difficulties may be.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 03/04/2024 22:35

I know this is a zombie thread and the OP probably won't return, but I would question this:
I'd advise you follow lots of autistic advocates online. Not "autism mums" posting pictures of them crying because they're dreading the weekend with their kids 🙄 but actually autistic adults posting about their lived experiences as autistic adults (who were once autistic kids). Listen to their positives and negatives, things that have helped them, etc.

The reason I don't necessarily agree with this advice is, how many of those adults were diagnosed at 2/3 years old or even as a young child? How many have learning disabilities or went to special schools? Those adults that need full-time support/are still non-verbal/have learning disabilities aren't able to advocate, so you don't get a representation of their lived experiences, only of the 'higher functioning' adults, who have often had very different lives.

LanahLane · 03/04/2024 22:36

My view FWIW.

Working with children in school..

  • parents make the most difference
  • there are strategies that parents can work out/on to support the child
  • every child with Autism is an individual, with individual needs - just like every child
  • recognising and meeting the child’s as far as possible creates happiness, achievement and success in whatever form - just as with every other child
  • supporting a child with their needs, wants and interests is hard work - just as it is, at times for all parents.

I remember accompanying a family to the ‘diagnosis’ meeting, where we, as the professionals in the room, discussed the child, the assessments and reports, agreeing and confirming the diagnosis of Autism.
Parents were upset, but we hung onto the thought that the diagnosis hadn’t changed anything. The child with the diagnosis, was still the same child as the child 5 mins before the diagnosis. Still a gorgeous individual with needs to be met, the same needs as 5mins before.

From a child who could not stay in a mainstream classroom for more than 10 seconds, built on in tiny 10 second positive increments, this child remained in school. Staff and parents working very slowly to identify needs and provide the child with strategies to learn, strategies to help.

I met the parents a few weeks ago, now parents of a soon to graduate university student.

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 03/04/2024 23:38

Letsseeshallwe · 03/04/2024 22:04

Let's be real - being diagnosed so young will mean it's likely more pronounced than if diagnosed at 5, 8 or 12 and so on. However, while it can also be the hardest years and such huge fear of the unknown, they can surprise you. When your child is ten you may look back at when they were five and be amazed at how far they've come as it just didn't seem possible at the time.

So true. Ds diax at three, made a sudden surge in skills around 7 or 8, now in 30s lives independently and works. Long road but still making progress.

Whatismypasswordthen · 03/04/2024 23:46

What's so great about a normal life? Many autistic people find the idea of a 'normal' life intolerable. Its certainly not something I aspire to. It's taken many years and a late diagnosis to realise this, accept myself and work towards goals that satisfy me, not someone else's idea of normal.

Irisginger · 03/04/2024 23:52

AntlerRose · 28/06/2022 08:26

Lots of people with autism have normal lives. I think most people with autism are taught in mainstream. Many are married with jobs in adulthood.

Lots of adults with autism also say they have their own way of happiness and meaning compared to people without autism. So life might not look how you expect it to look, but its still more fullfilling to them than copying 'normal' would be.

Some adults with autism continue to need care all their lives. Its normal for them.

You will love and fight for your child whatever the future holds.

You do know that only 10% of working age autistic people work full time and only 30% work at all?

AngelaBB · 03/04/2024 23:54

Google "celebs who are autistic". You will be surprised.

Orders76 · 03/04/2024 23:55

Allow him time and space, and although almost impossible try not to run ahead of yourself.
At age 2-7 I was constantly on edge, things have gotten better

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 04/04/2024 00:02

AngelaBB · 03/04/2024 23:54

Google "celebs who are autistic". You will be surprised.

How many of them were diagnosed as toddlers?
Look, I'm all for optimism but this isn't good advice. Plus celebs are hardly examples of regular life.

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 04/04/2024 00:05

Irisginger · 03/04/2024 23:52

You do know that only 10% of working age autistic people work full time and only 30% work at all?

I think there's a lag in diagnosis vs employment stats. Lots of people being diagnosed later in life more recently, plus inevitable news bias, cf the celebs comment.

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 04/04/2024 00:09

Whatismypasswordthen · 03/04/2024 23:46

What's so great about a normal life? Many autistic people find the idea of a 'normal' life intolerable. Its certainly not something I aspire to. It's taken many years and a late diagnosis to realise this, accept myself and work towards goals that satisfy me, not someone else's idea of normal.

Come on, she means regular school, job, home,social life. Basic stuff to which it is not unreasonable to aspire.

WaitingForMojo · 04/04/2024 00:13

I have several autistic dc. The one who was most obviously affected at two, and diagnosed the earliest, is now the most independent.

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 04/04/2024 00:17

@WiseMonkeys

I have met many, many parents of autistic children and have NEVER met any who cried about spending time with their children. They all worked phenomenally hard supporting, advocating for and promoting the education and life chances of their children for years and into decades and continue to do so as those children are now adults, some in their 40s.

Your characterisation is profoundly offensive and ignorant and you owe all those parents an apology.

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 04/04/2024 00:20

WaitingForMojo · 04/04/2024 00:13

I have several autistic dc. The one who was most obviously affected at two, and diagnosed the earliest, is now the most independent.

There's no guarantee, for sure. But the overall balance tends to be earlier diagnosis indicates greater issues.
At 2 it's very early days, as I say above.

Whatismypasswordthen · 04/04/2024 00:23

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 04/04/2024 00:09

Come on, she means regular school, job, home,social life. Basic stuff to which it is not unreasonable to aspire.

Thanks. I do know what is meant by normal. I don't have a normal job, haven't for over 20 years. It wasn't do-able. My autistic child doesn't go to 'normal' school, again it would be intolerable. We're both extremely happy people who may well seem 'normal', though possibly with a slightly eccentric lifestyle. My role is to develop her abilities and ensure she has the confidence to engage with the world on her own terms. The OP is possibly thinking of degrees of disability, but my point stands, we meet our children where they are, normal is a fallacy that causes a great deal of unhappiness.

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 04/04/2024 00:56

Whatismypasswordthen · 04/04/2024 00:23

Thanks. I do know what is meant by normal. I don't have a normal job, haven't for over 20 years. It wasn't do-able. My autistic child doesn't go to 'normal' school, again it would be intolerable. We're both extremely happy people who may well seem 'normal', though possibly with a slightly eccentric lifestyle. My role is to develop her abilities and ensure she has the confidence to engage with the world on her own terms. The OP is possibly thinking of degrees of disability, but my point stands, we meet our children where they are, normal is a fallacy that causes a great deal of unhappiness.

Don't disagree. But OP likely didn't mean what you apparently assume.

Whattodowithallthebooks · 04/04/2024 00:58

My 18 year old is autistic. They have some struggles but attended mainstream school and is now living away from home at University and has friends and a partner.

My youngest is also autistic at mainstream secondary school but he struggles more and doesn't have any friends at the moment.

KnitFastDieWarm · 04/04/2024 02:04

I’m autistic and have adhd. I went under the radar at school (girls just ‘didn’t have’ ND back in the 90s, apparently 🙄) . I’ve been married and have DC, and now have an amazing new partner. I need a lot of alone time and I get very obsessive about my special interests, they bring me great joy. I have a few close friends who celebrate and love my quirks. I find the traditional workplace hard because of all the unwritten rules and sensory overload, but I’ve eventually carved out a happy career working remotely, on my own. My partner describes me as having ‘a kaleidoscopic brain’ full of colour and tangents and occasional chaos. I am not ‘normal’ and that’s ok - I’m just me. It’s sometimes hard to live in a world that’s not built for people like me, but that doesn’t make me unhappy - it’s just a challenge that I deal with. Every life has its challenges, I guess!

There’s so much more support and understanding in place than when I was young, too. So yes, your child can lead a very happy life. Let them be themselves, and do what makes them happy - not what society says ‘should’ make us happy. Let them follow their special interests and be themselves; give them pride in who they are, and they will be just fine 😊

houselikeashed · 04/04/2024 02:37

It's a hard path having an ASD child, but my DD is now 19 and at university. She has grown into a thoughtful independant young adult.

I think on the whole she understands herself better than many of her NT friends understand their selves because DD has to think about her actions a lot more.
I think nowadays I would have been dx too. But I've done pretty ok!

Starlight7080 · 04/04/2024 03:50

My dd was diagnosed very young . At the appointments and since they have told me she will always need a carer . I think it's great so many positive stories but obviously it depends on the individual person. My dd is very happy but can't go to mainstream school and does not have friends. She does go to a fab autism youth club but like many of the other children there she does not talk much and keeps to herself with planned activities. We have always adapted our life to suit her needs . Her younger sister is brilliant with her and helps her with a lot of little things like shoes or her coat . She holds her hand when we are out and already knows the techniques we use to keep her calm when she gets distressed.
But she really is super happy and just lovely. I do worry about her future and if she may ever have a job or relationship and how people will treat her and how to protect her . But then I also worry a lot about my other non autistic children. So I suppose it is just what we all do .

HoppingPavlova · 04/04/2024 07:03

Honestly, it’s a ‘how long is a piece of string’ question and answer. I have an adult child with ASD (diagnosed as a child), and I have friends with ASD children diagnosed as children. While my child speaks eloquently, is academically able, in the workforce, professional job, has a social circle etc, my friends child lives in an 100% assisted living facility, completely non-verbal, non toilet trained and is dosed up to the eyeballs with antipsychotics merely to keep them manageable so they won’t harm themselves or others due to the levels of distress they suffer. Other friends have kids with ASD who fall in different places between this with ability. Unfortunately, we can’t use any terms to distinguish between such groups as you will have people with ASD who will come on and eloquently tell you they are every bit as worse off as the person in 100% assisted living, unable to talk or communicate at all, smearing their own shit everywhere at 25yo and how dare anyone say otherwise.

So, really no one here can tell you the future of your child, only their own experiences. My child with ASD (plus ADHD plus other things) struggled through primary and junior levels of high school. They were super bright but not in the way schools are set up. So funnily were not considered academically able until senior high school where they were able to take subjects that aligned with the way their brain worked. They were able to read at standard age, but had zero interest in doing so, and didn’t (doesn’t work well when schools are adamant kids should read, read, read). They still would never ever read for pleasure but can read, read well, and comprehend what they have read to an high ability, just choose not to (unless some challenging technical manual for something they are actually interested in). My child did a sought after challenging uni degree, where pretty much everyone else doing it also had diagnosed ASD🤣, and are able to perform well in an associated professional role. The key has been aligning interest and ability to study and work. If they were made to work in a job that held no interest to them and their brain was not aligned with they would likely either leave within hours after a massive meltdown or be fired within the day.

My child has hobbies/interests and fortunately or unfortunately, again pretty much everyone they know associated with these has ASD. So a wide social circle, and in fact socially they are busier than my NT kids, but it’s pretty much all people the same as them so they all fit in and consider each other as ‘typical/normal’. This, together with work means they don’t really have much exposure to a world that is not ND apart from family. The only deviation to that would be sport, which they are also involved in and they seem to be the only ND person. Honestly, I think they are only accepted by teammates due to their technical skill and the advantage it’s recognised that brings as they play competitively, if they were useless at it I doubt it would have worked out past tween years. Also helps that they don’t drink and are happy to be designated driver after drinks post game or social nights🤣.

My child is happy, but again, I believe a lot of that is because for the majority, they are pretty much able to function in a near total ASD world and as family we are fairly accommodating, but not to the point others are adversely impacted. The other thing that enables them to function, and I believe lead a good life, is medication, without which they are pretty fucked. The way we think of it though is no different to a diabetic requiring insulin, an epileptic requiring seizure meds etc, and would be like refusing glasses for someone with sight issues.

meg1209 · 04/04/2024 10:49

Hi all!

OP here, thank you all so much for your replies.

My son is now 3.5 years old and we had an ASD diagnosis last August.

He is the most amazing little boy in the world. I feel so lucky to have had a diagnosis when we did, although with the NHS wait times the access is still limited for help.

Honestly the diagnosis was a huge relief and I'm so happy for him - as someone said, he was the same boy 5 minutes before diagnosis than afterwards.

He is a super affectionate, kind and calm little boy with so much curiosity. He has a few words but he is still non- speaking. This is what he struggles with the most but I'm hoping with support he will catch up.

I'm definitely different too after the last few years, when I was first suspecting ASD I was in panic mode. Wondering if I was good enough, if I could give him the best life and support all his needs.

Now is different, we are doing so well learning from each other. We do everything together and I couldn't love him more if I tried. I will always push for him to be supported in any way he needs and I will support any life he wants, however he may find happiness

Thanks again ♥️

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread