Can someone with autism lead a 'normal' life?

[meg1209]

Hi,

My son is nearly 2 and being assessed for autism, he babbles but doesn't talk and stims. He also completely ignores everyone. Although he has no restrictive behaviours etc. (just yet, I'm not sure if this changes).

Over the last few days I've just been getting so upset as the future is so unknown. I know that this is the case for every single person, autism or not. But I just want to know, if he does get diagnosed, what is the likelihood he will lead a relatively 'normal' life.

When I say 'normal' I mean - go to mainstream school, have consistent friends/ relationships with others, be able to communicate and do things independently?

I just want him to have everything in life and have his own independence and experiences. Please tell me that this is possible for him, I love him so much ❤️

I am more than likely autistic although not formally diagnosed. I lead what looks like a normal life from the outside but in reality I suffer with crippling anxiety and struggle in large social groups. My ds was diagnosed at 2.5, he is now 7 and non verbal with challenging behaviour and in a specialist school. I don't think he will ever live independently.

Autism is a huge spectrum so it is impossible to say how your son will progress. What has helped us a lot is to stop expecting our son to act like a neurotypical person and enjoy the things a neurotypical would. We keep up his special interests and don't expect him to interact with or be around others if he doesn't wish to. My best advice is to let your son be himself, come what may. Don't think to far ahead, just work on discovering who your son is and love him for it.

This 🙌 I have two boys with Autism, my only concern for them is that they are happy and enjoying life.! What is normal anyway??

My autistic son is the happiest person I've ever met, he is brimming with joy. Yes we have challenges but he is so unique and beautiful I'm proud to be his mum. I've completely readjusted my sense of "normal" and we March to our own beat. He is still non speaking at 3.5 but I don't rush him, if it comes it comes.

Join some fb groups with autistic adults in.

So I'm autistic, I went to mainstream, I'm married with 3 kids. Shit social skills but i am sociable and like having friends. I'm very ditsy and disorganised whilst being simultaneously tuned in and ultra routined. I work part time now, previously I've worked in pubs, hotels, I ran a nursery, worked in social services and I'm now a librarian. I did my degree in my thirties.
My ds is autistic he's in mainstream but has full time one to one. He needs lots of routine and structure and preparation. He has lots of stims and delayed social/emotional skills.

It's really hard to say at two. My ds was so challenging then I questioned if he would go to ms or be independent. he's now 6 and he's come on in leaps and bounds. He's quirky and awesome and literally the best person in world.

My advise would be read up on autism avoid any suggests from autism speaks or on aba. There's some great support groups on face book. I found "ask the autistic adults" brilliant. You will have to be your child's voice with professionals, friends/family and other children so the more knowledgeable the better. And don't compare, normal comes in many shapes and sizes don't try to fit a square peg in a circular hole. Accept your child for who he is and help him navigate life .

I would warn anyone to be very cautious with joining Facebook groups, a lot of them are seriously toxic.

I've been there OP and it's hard at times. I have a dh with autism and 3 dc with it as well (aged 16, 14 and 8). For the most part they are happy with their lives and the things that I feel they "miss out" on bother me more than them. Eg my 8 year old didn't get a "preschool graduation" because he wouldn't have coped. I know it's stupid but I love all that kind of stuff. Dc1 is leaving school and I watched the other dc in his year hugging each other, crying and taking photos while he just looked confused and mainly talked to the staff. He does have friends but they are similar personalities to him so most of them didn't even bother going to the leavers events. They are going to prom though so hopefully I will be able to get a nice photo then. I will be standing on my own though because DH is autistic too and doesn't see the point of all that kind of thing.

Anyway, there is a lot of normal stuff that your dc can still do and some things that they might not. Sometimes you will be upset at the things they can't/won't do and that's ok. In some ways it's easier for them as they get older and have more choices. My dh as an adult can choose not to do a lot of the things he finds overwhelming so he is a lot happier than my 8 year old who unfortunately has to go places and do things that he doesn't want and can't always communicate why he doesn't want to do them.

@meg1209 so at 2 there was the speech delay; she had always been high needs regarding sleep and we had long given up on daytime naps by then; she hated physical contact (she is affectionate now); she toe walked (grew out of that about 5yo); she flapped her arms and repetitive motions like turning light switches on and off.

There were also lots of tantrums but obviously that's normal at 2 - it wasn't until years later that we started to realise it probably wasn't age appropriate anymore.

My son is autistic and doesn’t live the “normal life” you are looking for. He is so wonderful though. We are a normal happy family and he is happy within that family. I love him so much and love having him so much. It’s not the sad twilight world you fear. Nobody needs to pity us and we don’t feel sorry for ourselves. It’s fine, better than fine.

I agree massively with people encouraging OP not to seek for her child to have a 'normal' life of to pressurise him to 'fit in'. Better to focus on them having a good life, a happy life, a full one, in whatever terms work for them. And of course, encourage deep friendships, but these might take a while to come, or be different from NT friendships.

This is a great post. Well said.

I have Autism and would consider myself to live a normal life. Married, with children and a good job. Would say I only really have 'surface friendships' but I am happy like that, I find socialising exhausting. I would guess that most people wouldn't know I had Autism until they knew me quite well as I am able to mask it for periods.

My daughter also has Autism and I do worry about her as she gets older so I know where you are coming from in that respect. The thing to remember is its a huge spectrum and people struggle in different areas

I have enjoyed reading these posts. I can relate to all these questions the OP is asking.

OP it sounds like I am maybe a year ahead of you. This time last year i was feeling very anxious about what the future would look like for DS. We went to the zoo and i got so upset that he wasn't enaged in what was going on around him and he wasn't enjoying the day the way DD would have done at that age. Then I had a realisation, my sadness is not his sadness. He was perfectly content. I suppose what i am trying to say is similar to PPs, when you let go of 'normal' expectations and enjoy them for who they are it gets a bit easier. My DS is absolutely wonderful and i could not love him anymore. His paediatrician said she expects him to be bright and chatty and manage in mainstream, hopefully she will be right. He has made a lot of progress in the last year and I feel that he will be ok (whatever ok means 😊).

I know this isn't as far into the future as you are thinking but even in a years time things may seem clearer for you and nothing in life is guaranteed. 💐

I work with many young men with Autism. They all live full lives, work the same job I do, travel, have friendships romantic relationships and hobbies drive and some live alone.

I love being their colleague and really enjoy the company. I am NT.

It really depends how severely his autism would affect him leading a normal life everybody is different and won't be known till his older.

Not RTFT but you might find this podcast interesting as an insight into how a life with autism might be managed differently

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06sdq0x/episodes/downloads

I have autism, as do both my DDs. I am 35 and was diagnosed 6 months ago at the Lorna Wing Centre.

I'm married and a homeowner. A standard day for me would be 7 hours of work from home in my local government job. In the evening I'll do a tapestry and listen to an audio book. Once a week I sing with a choir and another day I take 1-1 singing lessons with a lady who has experience teaching adults with sen. It's very samey week in, week out but I love my life.

@meg1209 how is your son now a couple of years on?

OP, you sound like a lovely mum. Your ds certainly can lead a happy and fulfilling life. Nobody can tell you what that might look like for him, but he has your support and understanding which is the absolute main thing that he needs.

I’m autistic with four dc who are likely autistic (two diagnosed, two on the pathway).

One of the main things I’be learnt in parenting my dc is to let go of expectations and be immune to well meaning advice. Forget what you think good parenting looks like, what you’re told they’re supposed to be doing.

As others have said, get involved with the autistic community and learn as much as you can about neurodivergence. Read lots.

The shift from seeing autism as a deficit to a difference is challenging and it still challenges me, as an autistic person myself. When one of my children comes away from a group having sat with their hood up and not interacted with any other children or only having stayed five mins, it’s so built into us to feel sad or a failure.

My four are all different and their needs change over time. I have one who needed full time 1:1 in primary school but is well on the way to being an independent young man. I have another who was very capable as a young child and experienced a massive decline in mental health around puberty. I have one who I thought was neurotypical until she was about 8, and another who didn’t speak at 2 either. I have one who could read fluently at 3 and another who couldn’t read at 6. They are all on their own trajectory and will all be ok. They are wonderful, and I’m hopeful that they won’t spend a lifetime feeling that there’s something wrong with them like I did, or trying to behave as though they aren’t autistic.

Ah bugger. Zombie?!

Of course! It depends on a lot of factors and the right education and social environment but definitely possible.
Honestly at 2 you have very, very little idea how they'll ultimately turn out. No point thinking the worst.

Yes, yes zombie thread. Got it. Hope things are swinging OP

My son was diagnosed with autism when he was 3 and they really couldn’t tell us either way the likelihood of him ever learning to talk let alone having anything like a normal life. He went to special school until the end of primary but now drives, has friends, has a good job, certainly far more than we ever expected 🙏 for which I am so incredibly thankful. When I look at my other children he doesn’t seem any more or less happy than them, most children have their struggles and issues one way or another. That’s just our story but I met a lot of other parents along the way and not everyone is so lucky, but same with any child you have really

Most people with infantile autism will have a higher need for support than ASD. It's not the same kind of autism.

But in general you cannot predict the need in future for support in a two-year-old child.

I know this is a zombie. But this is just so inaccurate.

ASD is just the diagnostic term for autism? There are no ‘different kinds’!

I have autism and inattentive adhd, and have a normal life. I’m happily married, have children and a well paid career (probably thanks to my autism). I went to mainstream school and university. I have a good group of friends and socialise.

I have an AuDHD child and autistic one (with probably a third ND child, but he is young so seeing what happens with the concerns we have and he is not diagnosed). One of my children is very bright and happily in mainstream school. The other is in mainstream but might not be for secondary. However, I feel confident that she will have a happy and independent future ahead of her. My youngest is classed as gifted and is friendly and sociable.