Leaving playgrounds ...

[winterfox78]

...without a tantrum happening ..

My DD is turning 4 in August.

I love taking her to playgrounds ...and have done so since she was a newborn...

Since she was about 3.3 years ...I've found it hard to get her to leave the playground when it's time to go...

Today was a prime example.

A new playground ...so exciting new slides and great stuff to play on...

After an hour and a half I thought that was enough time ..we should be going..

Gave her the"leaving in 5 minutes..." again had to say it again...

After 2 hours there I said we really have to go now..cur the shouting and "no not going".. cry's and shouts..

I managed to leave the playground but outside full blown tantrum...in the car park...had to lift her into car and buckle her in as didn't want her running into a car in car park...

Calmed down after a few minutes in the car so that was fine. Gave her snack and water. Drive home was fine. No fuss.

I just don't want to have the tantrum when leaving. It kind of wrecks the day.

Plus - although I shouldn't care - of course feel embarrassed when she's shouting and im trying to get her to leave...
Feel shit and the only parent it happens to..

Bribery!

We tend to have a very clear 'youve got time for one last thing...', reinforce with 'ok, last go on the slide/last five pushes on the swing ' and then generally it's time to go home to have a squash/hot chocolate etc. Sometimes he picks the way we walk home, which he seems to like for control.

I try to use something I read about - we come to the playground and they play. I know when I want to leave so I say "shall we go" and they say "noo, 5 more minutes" and I say OK but then we go. In 5 minutes I say "can we please go now, I am tired and cold" and if they still argue I have a conversation and we try to agree the outcome (I know but it works for us even though they are super small). Usually we are OK to leave, but I make sure that if I do not have time and mental capacity to go through this, then no playground and we do something else that is easier to contain and time-manage. When I need them to do something, I explain why, which surprisingly sometimes works quite well.

I do ‘it’s almost time to leave, what do you want to have a last go on?’ I also usually mention where we’re going and why eg, home for dinner, but I’m not above the bribery of going to the shop for an icecream if they can walk all the way there nicely. I tend to save this for when I know they’re tired and are more likely to be upset, but I don’t suggest this if they’re already kicking off.

I speak to my child about our days out before we go. I say 'we will go to the park and when I say it's time to go we will go, because then when we get home we will do crafts' And I set the crafts up for when we get back and when it's time to go it's not "time to get in a car seat and be bored" (we don't drive which in this type of situation actually helps) it's 'let's walk through the trail and go and do our fun crafting!' and she will shout 'yay!' and trot along.

The key is to have something else to move to instead of the fun being ended.

It's really hard and I still have to manage transitions fairly carefully. They don't have any real perception of duration at this age so a five-minute warning isn't useful, especially if you've never stuck to it. If you say 'five minutes' and then you're often still there for another 10, 15, 30 minutes then, even if she did understand time, she'd think 5 minutes is a lot longer than it is.

I find it much more useful to say 'you've got time to go on two more things. What are you going to choose'. Then after they've been on one thing, say 'ok, one more go down the slide and then it's time to leave. What do you want to play with at home while I make lunch?' or 'shall we see if that cat is still sitting in the window at No. 32?'. The latter is distraction from the sadness of leaving the playground and focus on the next fun thing she'll do that day.

Follow biglittlefeelings on Instagram, they cover all this stuff and have been a game changer for me. Say you are setting 5 minutes on the timer and then its time to go. When timer goes off, say it's time to leave, but you will be back again tomorrow/next weekend etc. If she wont come, then say "looks like you're having a hard time leaving the park so I'm going to help you. It's really fun here isnt it and it's sad to say goodbye. But it's time to leave for today" pick her up and leave. Let her tantrum, it's normal and as long as you are consistent then they will ease. If she is not fully raging you can ask her "next time we come, what shall we play with first?" it's hard, but be consistent and hold your boundaries, she will soon cotton on and it will become a much more pleasant experience for both of you!

Sorry, that just sounded really bossy of me! That's what I do anyway and it does work for me. Seems like lots of good suggestions from people, so hopefully you will find a method that works for your little one!

Give her a visual. Young children respond really well to them. She doesn't know what five minutes means. She hasn't got a real concept of time yet. Five minutes just means 'sometime soon' to her.

So, when you say five minutes, show five fingers. Then countdown, repeat for four, three, two, one. Then "time to go!" and go! Don't dawdle, get out of there. Follow through every time. If child refuses pick them up and carry them out, tantrum or no tantrum. They'll soon learn.

My child is autistic so I go a step further with a timer countdown, either a digital one of a coloured sand timer, but most children won't need that level of visual. Coloured sand timers are useful for all sorts of transitions with young children though. I've used my set an awful lot, with my autistic child and my not autistic younger one.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I think next time I will pack snacks for the playground. I think hunger was at play a little bit today.

And I'm going to explain ahead of the next playground trip - that we will be leaving etc and have a fun activity after..

I think I'm going to drop the 5 more minutes...she has no idea 🤷🏻‍♀️

It will be what do you want to go on last ...

Thank you for reminding me not to let the tantrum get to me..

I could just feel myself getting anxious but thought I have to go! We are going!!!
But I hate the tantrums and I always feel horrendous

Time is too abstract - give her something concrete ie 3 more goes down the slide, nothing that is open to interpretation (eg one more go on the swing which could last 3 swings or 300). Then leave, carrying her with you if needed. Be consistent every single time.

You pick her up and carry her to the car. It's tough but you have to stick to what you say will happen. If she is four or almost four she is old enough to understand consequences so, as long as you follow through, a 'x will happen if you don't come now' should do the trick.