Leaving playgrounds ...

[winterfox78]

...without a tantrum happening ..

My DD is turning 4 in August.

I love taking her to playgrounds ...and have done so since she was a newborn...

Since she was about 3.3 years ...I've found it hard to get her to leave the playground when it's time to go...

Today was a prime example.

A new playground ...so exciting new slides and great stuff to play on...

After an hour and a half I thought that was enough time ..we should be going..

Gave her the"leaving in 5 minutes..." again had to say it again...

After 2 hours there I said we really have to go now..cur the shouting and "no not going".. cry's and shouts..

I managed to leave the playground but outside full blown tantrum...in the car park...had to lift her into car and buckle her in as didn't want her running into a car in car park...

Calmed down after a few minutes in the car so that was fine. Gave her snack and water. Drive home was fine. No fuss.

I just don't want to have the tantrum when leaving. It kind of wrecks the day.

Plus - although I shouldn't care - of course feel embarrassed when she's shouting and im trying to get her to leave...
Feel shit and the only parent it happens to..

I found discussing this in advance before we even went to the playground helped a lot. So I would tell them that we are going to a fun new place where there are lots of things etc... Then would go onto say how things will be when it is time to go home - she will get a warning when she can pick 2 more things to play on/2 more turns on the slide/swing and then I would also remind her for the last one. When it is time to leave, we have to go because Mummy needs to go somewhere/make dinner... Explain that I understand it is hard to go when having fun but we have to leave and we will go back again. Also tell her consequence of future tantrums is that future visits may not happen

Then follow through with the plan when you are there. As PP said, time is not a concept that is fully understood so use number of turns instead

I found talking things through when at home and calm and setting expectations in advance made a huge difference for both my children

I don't think any small children do that, do they? 😂

I think you just have to accept the tantrum. Get some food/water in her, let her be cross (because she is, and that's how she's expressing it), and agree that it's sad you have to leave but now we're going to do X. Don't let the tantrum get to you, it's just noise.

I agree that the five more minutes thing doesn't really work as younger children don't really have that concept of time. I tend to say "we have leave soon because of lunchtime/school run etc" - this gives them the idea that the trip is about to come to an end, and for a legitimate reason, not just because a grown up wants to stop them having fun. Then "you can choose one more thing to play on before we go" , then "ok, three more slides and it's time to go".
After the third slide, stand at the bottom of the slide with bags, coats, scooter etc, all ready to go and walk purposefully towards the exit, with lots of talk about how much fun the playground was and when we could plan our next visit.

It sounds like you've not been consistent enough. 5 mins is not tangible for her. 5 more slides is better. Consistency is key, it seems she's used to pushing you and getting longer and longer.

If my youngest won’t leave the park I usually say ‘ok then give me a kiss and I’ll come back for you later” I’ll walk off and within five seconds my child is holding my hand walking out. Just don’t make a big fuss, stay calm and never do ‘five more minutes’

Im 50 and apparently, when I was 4, I used to fling myself on the floor and refuse to move when it was time to leave the playground. My parents even had to find different routes to avoid it because I'd go ballistic walking past but not going in 😆

You'll be pleased to her that I don't do it anymore and I'm sure your DC will also grow out of it!

I always say ‘pick one last thing to do before we go home and then we have to go’

I also have a sweetie for the walk back. The sweetie is what gets her out! Bit of bribery always works.

Timer is a good idea - she can blame the phone, not you.

Distraction - spot a squirrel, ask her which snack she wants in the car, whatever, as you walk out.

If she tantrums, no biggie. Pick her up and take her, try not to talk as it won’t go in. Praise her for good calming down, when she does.

Remind her next time you on the way to the park about the timer, and when it goes we go home.

It's normal, unfortunately! Any playground in the land has little kids having hysterics when it's time to leave. They grow out of it.

I agree with setting a timer on your phone - I still do this with my 6 year old. For some reason it's harder to argue with a machine than with mum! With one of mine I could just calmly start to walk away, not in a threatning 'I'll leave you' manner, but just 'we're leaving now' and he would stop the tantrum and join me. With my other one I had to resort to snacks on the way out (aka bribery). It's not great, but do what you have to do!

"We need to leave soon"
5 mins later - "OK we need to go now, one more turn and then we're going"
1 min later - "right come on then, let's get home"

If she runs off then you go and get her, carry her under your arm like a rugby ball to the car, buckle her in and ignore the tantrum. Do this every time. They soon learn that a tantrum will achieve nothing and they start just coming with you with a bit of a grumble.

You have to not get embarrassed by tantrums in public, I do know it's easier said than done. Honestly when I see a parent with a flustered look on their face carrying a screaming child out of the park then I sympathise. When I see a parent trying to negotiate with and cajole a screaming child out of the park then my eyes roll to the back of my head.

Stop trying to avoid tantrums, they are inevitable. Try to view every tantrum as an opportunity to show your dd that tantrums won't work. Stay firm, stick to what ever you've said, keep calm, breezily act like they aren't even having a tantrum and give them a big cuddle and lots of love when they have calmed down. They soon realise that you aren't going to give in and the tantrums either stop completely or start fizzling out very quickly. You have to face tantrums head on not tiptoe around trying to avoid them.

It's quite normal.
Many little kids find transitions between activities difficult.
I think a general signposting of now and next helps. We're going to the park and then home. But you need to have something worth leaving the park for too! A drink or snack might do it, or a small treat (sweet) is worth having up your sleeve.
I think that the number of goes is an easier concept to understand than time and to some degree, sympathising with wanting to stay and play. So, say, yes it would be nice to play more, but we can come back tomorrow but now we need to go and do something else. I always tried to say yes when I could, but no is non negotiable.

It happens to most parents, and no one will judge or bat an eyelid. If they do they are horrible people and I have no understanding so get none from me. It's a pretty normal reaction from a child and she will outgrow it.

Totally normal for child not to want to leave, they are having fun, but no doubt you have been there ages and fed up and need to go and get a drink , carry on with the day etc. I have a 4 and 2 year old, both have times when they scream and cry about leaving. I say 'right we are going now' as countdowns to them are pointless and they just want more. I literally have carried out said screaming child back to the car but now I'm not even bothered! You get used to it! Don't think or worry too much about it!

Toddlers are all about power- so give her some.
tell her she’s got 10 minutes left, then at 5 minutes get HER to push the button to start the timer on your phone and when it goes off let her stop it. Then ask her to say bye bye to all the things in the park as you leave.

works for mine

She doesn’t understand time. Give her something visual. (Timer) be consistent. It gets better.

Give her warnings that she will actually understand e.g. 10 more swings, 1 last turn on the slide and then follow through. Pick her up kicking and screaming and march her out of there if you have to but to try minimise the upset I’d have a yummy snack ready to try to distract but parents will have seen it all before and honestly no one cares.

Also, maybe just me bur 1.5-2 hours in a playground is quite a long time, at that age mine would be knackered and it would guarantee a melt down. I’d personally cap it at around 30 mins.

The five minute warning turned into half an hour. What people are saying is that the OP needs to follow through and be consistent, people are offering alternative ways to mark the end of play time, but the common thread is that they follow through.

Make expectations very clear before you leave. We're going to the park and we're going to have fun, but you have to be a good girl when we leave or you don't get to come tomorrow. And follow it through. And when she says 'why aren't we going' the next day, you remind her because you were naughty coming home last time. Message will soon sink in. Have a small treat to come home to at home or in the car if she is good.

DD is a similar age. I do a last few minutes warning, then a "right, almost time to go, which last thing would you like to go on".

I also make sure she knows what's happening when we get home. So sometimes it's "time to go and make tea now" or it could be "let's go now and then we can make a hot chocolate when we get in" or "Daddy will be finished work now so let's go find him" - rather than just 'park time is over'.

It's not perfect but means I usually only get minimal whining rather than full on stropping and sometimes she leaves enthusiastically because she's also looking forward to the next activity (which to be honest is sometimes also "and we can watch Octonauts when we get home" !! 😄)

Race to the gate?

I use an alarm on my phone to bind the decision. My daughter helps set the alarm for 5 mins as I make sure I’m near her when it goes off (so it’s literally loud and clear). Use it as a hard signal that we must leave now.

I use the timer on my phone. DS 4 doesn't get mad at me over it and just accepts the beeper is going so it's time to go.

I also make sure there's a plan for what next "we have to go because we are going to bake the muffins/make couscous/see how high we can jump in the living room..

Mine were always told if they made a big fuss when it was time to go home, then we wouldn't go next time.

It only ever took one time of asking if they could go to the park, and a 'no, because you made a big fuss last time' and they pretty much got it.

Get a little sand timer or a kitchen timer so they can visualise how much time they have left. 2 minutes is about right otherwise they have too much time to use up. Use those 2 minutes to collect up your things, jumpers etc and then before it finishes show them how long there is left and tell them to finish what they're doing and make their way to you

Totally agree with this.