Please tell me it gets easier - life with a newborn

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I've posted before as my newborn is very gassy and windy, she cries hysterically if she doesn't poo and today even though she had pooed and I have gone through everything to figure out what's wrong she still cried. She's 3.5 weeks.
I've put her in my wrap sling and she's calmed for now hence posting here.

She sleeps for two hours at a time, is very fussy and gassy. I am finding this so hard. I wanted a baby for so long and now I find I'm wondering what the hell I have done even though at the same time loving her fiercely.

My husband and I take care of her in turns, I feel like our relationship is now roommates who take turns taking care of a baby. We were very social and obviously baby had changed that. I'm dreading him going back to work next week.

When I was pregnant my friend said "oh no you don't want a baby with colic". I think she does maybe, but jt haunts me, like I've failed.

I'm tired, tearful and have a highly fussy baby.

I'm just needing to rant, does anyone have a high needs baby and it turns out ok? I knew it was gonna be hard but I'm struggling.

I promise you on my life it gets better. My second baby was a total fusspot and I was just horrified by my life. She couldn’t sleep on her back due to reflux so we constantly held her. I was just exhausted. At around 12 weeks she got a bit happier and around 4 months better again; by 6 months she was a very cheerful little thing.

Are you breastfeeding?

They're not high needs for goodness sake. She is a newborn doing what newborns do. Lots of skin to skin time, cuddles and snoozing while they sleep.

Read up on the 4th trimester. At three weeks of age, my baby was usually nursing and then sleeping in my arms for hours every day.

My newborn screamed for 16 hours a day, refused to sleep. Gp told us for 6 weeks that it was colic... health visitor told us at the 6 week check that he had every sign of cmpa and reflux. After a month on the special formula and medication he was a different child. He's 8 months now , sleeps through the night and is a happy fella. Those 6 weeks were so hard though but they do pass!

All quite normal and it will pass.
Have you tried a few different post feed burping techniques? Over the shoulder, bounced gently on your knee, tiger cradle? Infacol? Bicycle legs? All 3 of mine needed totally different ways to help with the gas but once you figured out worked it definitely helped!
Hope the sling continues to work for you as well, that's very handy to get them used to being in.

I promise you it will easier. I know how it feels when you're in the thick of it, but I swear it won't always be like this. DD was the same but by 12 weeks was a completely different baby

I felt the same way when I had my daughter (now 5), it sounds awful and I started to think I wasn’t cut out for motherhood and made a terrible mistake as I couldn’t see past it. She was a high needs baby and was so clingy I could never put her down. She’s so easy going now, hang in there. It’s totally shit to begin with and it sounds so cliche but when I look back to the newborn days they went so quickly and I sometimes wish I could have them back. I promise you it won’t last forever 💐

It sounds very normal but you need to find something to relax you. The more stressed you are by the then the more stressed the baby is and then the more stressed you are etc.

As others have said, focus on feeding, sleeping and lots of body contact.

Completely normal new born IME - sleep gets gradually better and by 1 she will probably sleep thou

Many congrats on your baby. Absolutely normal, as other posters have said. Every baby is different, I was lulled in a false sense of security by my first, who was such a lovely contented baby, my second was a whole different story and the reason we never had a third! But it does get easier. These are the days you just do whatever you need to survive, as a team, I’ve been there and it’s tough, but you will get through it. The only advice I would give is to accept help, my late MIL was awesome and supported us so much with our children and regularly babysat so we could have date nights.

Unfortunately this does sound normal in my experience (mum of 2) - I'm not a doctor and of course you should get baby checked if worried, but in my experience it just is that hard. But, it will pass. Sending you strength 💪

It does get easier, don't worry they really don't stay new born for very long.

Really, really unhelpful. My daughter is almost exactly the same age as the OP’s daughter and is, by the sounds of it, quite a lot ‘easier’.

Hope you’re doing OK, OP. I have 2 lovely step children and have done some nursery work, so I thought I might have a vague understanding of what having a baby was like. Turns out I had no clue!

Hi, OP

It does get better!! My daughter had colic and it was the worse 12 weeks of my life, no exaggeration. But after 12 weeks she was much better and at 5 months it was all but gone.

I have my daughter dentinox which really helped her.

It is very very stressful, if you can get support from wider family so that you and your husband get some restbite

I always found a a giant turning point around 10 weeks with my 3, and then things really got progressively easier (and you become more competent as a parent, which helps!). Everything is so new for you now. This is probably the biggest upheaval of your life and a giant learning curve, so it makes sense to feel every bit of what you’re feeling. Hang in there. That said - Please mention it to your GP if you feel like you really aren’t coping, as they can screen for any issues with the baby (like CMPA or reflux), or with your recovery from the birth and your mood.

It’s only like this for a few more weeks OP, hang in there

My son was like this. He's a swligbtful 3 year old now but the newborn days were awful and I hated it. It really does get easier. My son may or may not have had a dairy allergy... worth looking into but don't obsess about it like I did! Best thing to do is get as much help as you can. I wish I'd paid for help.

Oh and it got easier with wvery mile stone. Sitting up at 6 months was a huge game changer I recall. But it does get progressively easier. My friends were moaning that their easy babies were getting tougher while I was rejoicing that my tough baby was getting easier!

I had 2 babies who screamed constantly due to colic and reflux. The 1st one suddenly just grew out of it around 10 weeks old and the 2nd was hospitalised and needed strong medication as her reflux was so severe.
Anyway, right now you're right in the thick of it and I promise it does get easier! I remember thinking what the hell have I done, but you'll find your flow, baby will start sleeping more, the crying will calm down and in just a few short weeks you'll be rewarded with that 1st smile 😊

It feels like it will never change but I promise you it will- both mine at 15 weeks had major light bulb moments and suddenly it was like a dark cloud lifted.
Hang in there OP, you've done an incredible thing- be kind to yourself xx

Wow! How about a bit of empathy for the poor OP 🤷‍♀️ She will get easier OP I promise. She’s still so tiny so lots of contact and cuddles and I swear in a few months it will be so much different.

I remember being at about the stage you're at and my friend telling me it didn't feel bearable for her till around 6 weeks, and I was thinking 'but I don't think I'll make it that long!'

In reality of course it goes by in a blink but when you're in it it feels very long and unimaginably hard.

I'm not going to say it's suddenly a breeze, my dd was 4 months before she could be anywhere other than on another human without screaming, and as it was lockdown and dh was back at work that human was usually me. But true enough 6 weeks was something of a turning point, and the 4 month mark definitely was. She started sleeping at least a 4 hour stretch, sometimes 2x 4 hour stretches from that point (only if cosleeping but still, it was like a different world).

Do you have a support network? Are there any mum and baby groups you could try when you're feeling up to it? They're often spoken of really negatively on here but I found mine a total lifetime even with masks on and only 6 people allowed in at a time sitting in opposite corners of a big church hall. I found getting out for a walk every day even when I was so tired I couldn't see straight helped too. Luckily my dd was OK in the pram when it was tilted, but sling works too. Travel mug of whatever caffeinated beverage you prefer, headphones with a good podcast or favourite music, bit of sun on your face and fresh air. It doesn't solve anything but it did help somehow.

It gets better, although right now it’s relentless and tough. Dc1 was a high needs, fussy, grizzly, crying vomiting grump of a baby who would never be put down. He was treated for silent reflux and I won’t sugarcoat it he didn’t let up at all until he was 13 months and finally diagnosed with CMPA. Every milestone those around would say he will chill out once he sits up, walks etc however he didn’t. He didn’t smile until about 6 months old, but I was so tired it passed me by. He walked at 9 months but still miserable and never slept no naps, and at night for no longer than an hour. DH worked away and the sleep exhaustion was tough (I also had DC2 born when he was 12 months old). However he calmed a little at 13 months and at 2.5 was a happy little boy at last and by 3 finally slept through. He is 7 now and the easiest of my 4dc. Maybe worth a chat with the GP about reflux or allergy.

Yep - it gets better. My first was a complete screamer from 4 to 9 weeks. I carried her in a sling all day and she kept me awake all night. I also wondered what the hell I had done.
When DH goes back to work I recommend trying to find a mum and baby group to go to. Or even just walk up to random mums with new borns and ask if you can hang out (I find a really good friend this way). No one was meant to look after a new born on their own. Good luck.

Thanks everyone for your kind and reassuring words.

I've just started looking for mum and baby groups, when DH goes back to work I'll go spare being on my own.

May try GP is she doesn't settle with gas, I find infacol helps a bit. I'm not sure if she's colicky or refluxy as she's showing signs of both.

I think the shock of being a new mum and a traumatic birth hasn't helped.