Please tell me it gets easier - life with a newborn

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I've posted before as my newborn is very gassy and windy, she cries hysterically if she doesn't poo and today even though she had pooed and I have gone through everything to figure out what's wrong she still cried. She's 3.5 weeks.
I've put her in my wrap sling and she's calmed for now hence posting here.

She sleeps for two hours at a time, is very fussy and gassy. I am finding this so hard. I wanted a baby for so long and now I find I'm wondering what the hell I have done even though at the same time loving her fiercely.

My husband and I take care of her in turns, I feel like our relationship is now roommates who take turns taking care of a baby. We were very social and obviously baby had changed that. I'm dreading him going back to work next week.

When I was pregnant my friend said "oh no you don't want a baby with colic". I think she does maybe, but jt haunts me, like I've failed.

I'm tired, tearful and have a highly fussy baby.

I'm just needing to rant, does anyone have a high needs baby and it turns out ok? I knew it was gonna be hard but I'm struggling.

Yes it will absolutely be OK!
Reading Yr post took me back and I felt exactly the same, Mine had colic and it was tough, people would say don't worry it only lasts a few mths and I rember think omg a few mths!!! I can't do this but I did, just take each day as it comes and remind yrself it won't be like this forever.
Try and get out and meet other mums at groups etc and I guarantee you will find others feeling exactly the same as you and just chatting knowing u not the only one will make a huge difference!
Mine is at school now and is a delight she is also an only child 🤣

Honestly it will get better. I remember feeling like that with my first baby. It's a total shock to the system and hard to adjust when you are so exhausted.

With regard to feeling like you have lost your relationship- don't panic. It will come back as baby gets older and sleeps more. Eventually they'll be in their own room and you'll be snuggling DH instead of the baby. Just try to see it as a temporary blip.

Something which helped me was adjusting my thinking. I tried to expect very little so then when things went ok for a few hours I felt triumphant.

I actually found it easier when DH went back to work. I could concentrate on the baby and myself and not have to think about others. I slowly worked out how to improve the days - following baby's lead and looking for tired cues etc. My baby had silent reflux and it was so hard to get her to calm/sleep. To start with she would only settle in sling or feeding, lAter she settled more easily in the pushchair etc. things like colic got easier after 6 weeks, again at 12 weeks. The reflux got better after introducing solids.

My second baby is five months old and completely different, really chilled out! It's just luck.....

You haven't failed, you are a new mum with a new baby and it's hard but it gets better.

My second was very much like yours and we tried infacol and gripe water when older. Just turns out she was very very gassy, when we thought she had burped she had more, normally a couple of small then a big one she would settle. It did seem like ages to get her to burp but it worked. Baby massage helped too as they do a small tummy massage which helped with any trapped farts, and boy could she fart!

You have got this and mum & baby groups will help as there will always be someone willing to help with baby to allow you to at least get a cup of tea.

I know it’s not to everyone’s taste but look up baby sensory classes in your area - they often do special classes for 0-6 months. They are a bit pricey but I’ve absolutely loved them. It’s hard when you have a little baby as lots of groups are often aimed towards the slightly older ones but baby sensory is great from very young. I’ve made a really good group of friends from baby sensory too. Also try baby massage.

It gets much much better really very quickly. You’re still in the fog of war stage.

Sorry to hear you had a traumatic birth experience. Speak with GP or midwife or health visitor about it as that will help. As for does it get better , Yes it does 100 percent, you and your baby are just finding your feet and the fourth trimester is called exactly that for a reason. Keep going OP

OP i could have written your post! My daughter is seven months old tomorrow and I truly had the worst time of my life when she was first born. As PPs have said the ten week mark really did bring about a change. And it's also true that it goes in a blink of an eye and you might look back fondly on these days. I do now already even though I know in my head that it was the lowest toughest point I've ever been at. Good luck and hang in there. You are doing an amazing, amazing thing.

I wish people wouldn’t say silly things like this. Babies ARE very different, there’s not a one size fits all. My second was a nightmare, nearly broke me. People like you would give advice such as “ahh he’s hungry”/“aah he’s tired” as if he was just “doing what newborns do” and if I followed the manual and did the right thing then he would then be content. Obviously those kind of interactions made me feel a cross between a failure as a parent and frustrated with other people who HAD had textbook newborns “just doing what newborns do” when I knew that DS2 cried much more than other babies.

it’s easier to know what’s normal if you’ve had more than one luckily. I KNEW DS2 was struggling with his digestion/wind/reflux. His behaviour wasn’t normal compared to DS1.

he had bad reflux and colic and had eczema so I think he struggled with pains and trapped wind after feeding and couldn’t sleep easily. He generally does have a bit of a “whingey” personality and likes to wear his heart on his sleeve whether that’s a happy mood or an annoyed one, which can be quite entertaining in a 16 year old.

I marvelled at other babies who got “milk drunk” and just fell gently to sleep after a feed. I was agog at slightly older babies who would sit on their mum’s knees at older siblings” soft play parties just happily looking round at what was going on, for an hour at a time. Whereas when DS2 was the same age he’d last 2 mins then be wriggling and whingeing and just NOT HAPPY.

be careful what you say to mothers who might be in the depths of despair with their particular baby’s behaviour. They are as different at that age as they are as teens (my teens are dreams by the way - they don’t “just do what teens do”)

Also I agree that it was actually better when DH went back to work, he had eight weeks off and I was dreading it but we developed our own little routine together and almost overnight it suddenly felt like I was just hanging out with my little mate every day.

It will get there little by little.
Once she starts smiling is a big step because you get positive feedback rather than just neutral or negative.
Re your husband. Just try to appreciate every interaction no matter how little. Holding hands in bed for 2 mins, peck on the forehead. They will get more and more frequent.

Gripe water, infancol and download a white noise baby app on your phone. Swaddle the baby then put the white noise on, it has to be quite near and louder than her crying. Try a warm bath, tummy massage, or bicycle leg movements.

Cooled fennal tea or peppermint tea might help.

The cultureshock with a newborn is something noone can understand or explain until you are living it! It's very typical that a baby eats every two hours at this stage. Baby's often change a lot around 3 months (which may seem a long way off!) but the 4th trimester is real. We evolved to birth our babies "too early" i.e. before they can hold their head up or sit up because we evolved such massive brains and heads that waiting any longer and the baby wouldn't come out at all! So during the first 3 months babies are not really like other humans!

If anyone offers help TAKE IT. Let them hold the baby while you have a shower or a nap. Babies usually love warm water so you could try having a shallowish bath and holding the baby (unless you are tired!) When your baby is old enough an evening bath usually has a calming effect.

Every mother thinks "I never expected it to be like this!"

As soon as you feel up to it, take a walk each day, its important to get out of the house, but right jow is very early days. Everything is going to change radically this year. In a year your baby will be sitting up and eating, drinking from a cup, maybe walking and definitely smiling, laughing and giving you hugs and kisses.

Remember the end of day mantra for mothers "Everyone fed, nobody dead".
Success!

It really does. My eldest was a non sleeping baby. It nearly broke me. She defiant sleep through reliably until she was 3, after my youngest arrived.

Life definitely gets easier. You go this.

This too shall pass.

Have you thought about a career in counseling as your so very empathetic.
OP my eldest was like this, I remember thinking what the fuck have I done! It got so much easier even by 3 months. Hang in there.

OP I had an unplanned baby with a traumatic birth experience and was on the other side of the world from my family!
PLUS he had colic - and this was probably the most stressful part.

.nfacol really helped as did that special hold you can do - i think it’s called a tiger in the tree? Over time he got better, probably around 3-4 months:

He was always a terrible sleeper and it was a very hard time for us, but 12 years on, I can say he’s never given me a jot of bother apart from all that, and he’s just a lovely laid back lad. Good Luck ❤️

CurlyhairedAssassin is right, some babies are harder work than others, it's just luck, not skill too.

A friend of ours nsontsins its exsisr of their relaxed parenting that their now toddler was an wast baby. No, she was a potato who slept for 14 hours at a time from 6 weeks. They now complain if she gets up before 7.30 S it's too early. Our toddler 3 months older regulates up at 5am, its just luck!

OP, its do hard in the early days, but it does pass, I promise!