They have to eat something

[grey12]

Am I the only one that doesn't do this?....

I have been watching the new season of the BBC's eat well for less show and in every single episode there is a parent making a separate junk meal for their child because "they have to eat something". DH says the same thing, but he's not around all the time.

Let's be clear here: my kids are healthy, they have a healthy weight/body composition/look (neither looks too skinny or too big), great energy/physical activity.....

If they ate breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, fruit, wtv and are complaining about dinner then it's their choice if they want to go to bed hungry!!! (they are not starved, they are just peckish if that)

It has happened once that I took them to bed and they said they were hungry and wanted to eat their dinner. And they did! And had a celebratory treat afterwards. Yay! Win! Most days, they either just go to bed and don't complain or do accept eating a few spoonfuls of the food. Usually helped by some bribery with treats afterwards.

Am I wrong?..... is this a UK thing? (I was born and raised elsewhere)

Probably a bit of both. If he doesn't eat any tea then my 2 year old will definitely wake me up in the night, so I would offer toast or similar. I would also try and put something on his plate that he would like eg. Portion his plate before adding chilli powder. But generally we all eat the same. Some children are much more fussy than others though

We don't make separate meals for our 3 year old, but we do make sure there's at least one thing on her plate that we know she'll eat. She can always have fruit and yoghurt for afters, so she won't be going to bed hungry.

My child east like a bird and can be a fussy eater, so I completely understand why parents might make separate meals for their children. I would never judge anyone for doing this because I know the anxiety that having a poor eater can cause. I would never make food a battle ground.

Well done, your perfect parent medal is in the post 👍
Obviously they're going to pick families that have fallen into bad habits for programmes like this, or else who would people like you judge?

Dude!!! This is definitely not that kind of post 🤦🏻‍♀️

Read again, I was asking whether I was being too harsh and if this is a cultural thing. DH makes me feel like I am being too mean to the kids and that they should never go to bed without dinner.

I do always think about what they would like but sometimes they change their minds from one meal to the next 😑

If people have time and money to cook a separate dinner for each family member, just let them get on with it!

There are certainly no choices of dinner in my house and my kids have survived. I work on the principle of if they don't eat what's put infront of them then they aren't hungry are they... and I don't offer pudding if dinner isn't eaten either on the same principle.

That said I cook things that we all eat and won't offer purely stuff that someone won't eat... so for example frittata and quiche are reserved for nights ds is elsewhere as that boy won't eat egg in almost any form - but I wouldn't be cooking a separate dish for fussy kids (we don't have to deal with allergies or big ASD or similar related food issues thankfully which I appreciate take a different swing at things).

Mine are late primary / secondary now but it's never been any different. And my SIL is the same with her now secondary age kids - as much as my mother would be horrified - maybe there is your issue OP it's a generational thing. Is DH getting this from his mother?

Again, not that kind of post!!! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ You all have been on MN for too long!

I don't care how much money or time other people spend!! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Do you think it's ok to/Would you let the kids go to bed without dinner: yes or no?!

When I was little I detested fish and milk. On the odd occasion we had fish and chips or fish in parsley sauce, I had a Cornish pasty. I am grateful to my parents for not making me either eat something I hated or go to bed hungry. And I now love all kinds of fish and seafood. I remember a friend coming round for dinner and my Mum saying to them "Now remember..." and they wearily said something like "clear your plate" and she, bemused, said "no, I was going to say if you don't like it you don't have to eat it".

I have taken the same approach with my kids, they don't get their absolute favourite things all the time, but I will not serve them something they won't eat. The might pick out the olives, or the capers, or the pepper or whatever and eat the rest. And I would never make them go to bed without dinner. I don't cook them different things from each other but I might make them different things from me and DH - and I take into account what they like and don't like when meal planning.

I never did separate meals. I did tend to make sure that there was at least one element of the meal that I knew DC would enjoy though, so eg if I made a curry they might not like I’d do plenty of rice which they definitely would, or whatever. I’d also allow them to choose what size helping they had.

Past generations have had the attitude of ‘don’t eat it then starve, if you were hungry you would eat it’ or the classic ‘you should think of the starving children in Africa and be grateful for your food’ 😏

I grew up around that and would go to bed hungry, it was horrible. I couldn’t force myself to eat something I didn’t like without feeling nauseous. Funnily, my parents wouldn’t force themselves to eat something they wouldn’t like!

i have toddlers and they tend to fill up during the day and aren’t really hungry at tea time. They are grazers which is quite normal with young children - little and often rather than large meals. I do batch cook when I cook their favourite meals so if I make something that I don’t think they’ll eat I’ll already have a tub of something in the fridge that I know they will eat and I’ll offer that. I can tell if they’re hungry and really don’t like something or if they’re not hungry and don’t want to eat.

but no, I wouldn’t make them go to bed hungry if they don’t like something. But sometimes they just aren’t hungry and will go to bed after just a mouthful or two.

If they ate breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, fruit, wtv and are complaining about dinner then it's their choice if they want to go to bed hungry!!! (they are not starved, they are just peckish if that)

That's a pretty big if. I don't think a lot of parents would worry too much(regardless of where they're from) if their kid already had pretty decent and substantial food throughout the day . Dinner can definitely be a take it or leave it affair then or at least not a source of significant worry or fuss.

If you had a kid that barely ate and didn't feel hunger, you'd roast the family cat if it meant getting a decent meal in them.

Can’t imagine having to eat kid friendly food all the time, I love hot curries, spicy chilli and food that tends to blow my mouth off. Spag Bol or chicken dinners every night would bore the life out of me. That is why we do different meals.

I would not want my DC to go to bed hungry in general, I mean I think it's pretty basic parenting to feed your child!

So if I made something I know he wouldn't like, I wouldn't force him to eat it

If he is just being picky for no reason, like not eating something we know he likes, that's different

If you had a kid that barely ate and didn't feel hunger, you'd roast the family cat if it meant getting a decent meal in them.

Right? People who make judgements on what other parents will do to help their children eat must have very little experience of genuinely fussy eaters.

Im fortunate to have a son who loves food but I'm speaking from the experience of being a fussy child myself. I would have starved myself to death rather than eat food I didn't like. I remember as a child having to stay with an aunt when my parents had to go abroad suddenly for a funeral. I was around 7 or 8 years old and this aunt had the attitude of if you're hungry you'll eat so I just didn't eat for the 4 or 5 days I had to stay there.

Do you think it's ok to/Would you let the kids go to bed without dinner: yes or no?!

hmm, yes, if I'd made something reasonable and they didn't want it then fine. I'm not going to faff around making elaborate things to try and persuade them to eat.

Would I feel bad if I'd accidentally made something they didn't like? Yes and I'd probably offer to make them toast or something. I also do make separate meals if I know they won't eat what I want to eat. The little ones eat early anyway and we adults aren't hungry until later. Their food is probably more "junk" than I'd eat myself but it's easy and they like it 🤷

Basically I don't want them to be hungry but I'm also not going to stress over making them eat.

My rule for young kids is one meal a day - so as long as their either at well at lunch or dinner, I wouldn't worry.

My other rule is that if they didn't like the dinner I cooked (and they usually did because I made things I knew they liked) then they could have beans on toast.

It worked very well and mine all eat well and are a healthy weight, which always surprises me because they eat a staggering amount of crappy snacks

My child east like a bird and can be a fussy eater, so I completely understand why parents might make separate meals for their children. I would never judge anyone for doing this because I know the anxiety that having a poor eater can cause. I would never make food a battle ground.

How does that help? That way, they'll always be a fussy eater!

Eat what I cook or starve in this house, that includes fussy DH as well.

DS has only ever refused peas so I've avoided them but otherwise he's always had what I've made. I guess I've been lucky as some friends have got really fussy kids that literally won't eat. Im not sure what I'd do in that situation.

At least they're eating?

@TealGuitar you Mum sounds heavenly. I completely agree with her approach.

I only serve food I know my kids eat.

My Mum used to give me to eat lots of things I hated. I am actually not a fussy eater at all so she must have gone the extra mile to serve up the few foods I loathed.

I am N/C with her now - food was just another form of child abuse for her.

Mine eat what I cook or they don’t eat 🤷🏻‍♀️ Their choice. Not a chance in hell I’m faffing about cooking separate meals for people.
I cook things that I know they like andI know they have eaten before. It’s not like I’m presenting them with something they’ve never tried and expecting them to eat the whole plateful.
I’ll make reasonable adjustments to a meal - My eldest doesn’t like mashed potato, so I will take a few out of the saucepan and whack them in the oven so she gets roasties instead of mash for example, but definitely do not cook an entirely different meal.

At least they're eating

People/children don't die if they skip a meal or two!

If people have time and money to cook a separate dinner for each family member, just let them get on with it!

Well that’s the point isn’t it? It takes children several tries to decide they like something.

Worth it I think

I cook at least two different meals a night, I have one autistic ds, a fussy ds and a vegetarian dd. I would much rather they have a nutritious meal than go to bed hungry. My mum used to do the same for us as kids.