They have to eat something

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Am I the only one that doesn't do this?....

I have been watching the new season of the BBC's eat well for less show and in every single episode there is a parent making a separate junk meal for their child because "they have to eat something". DH says the same thing, but he's not around all the time.

Let's be clear here: my kids are healthy, they have a healthy weight/body composition/look (neither looks too skinny or too big), great energy/physical activity.....

If they ate breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, fruit, wtv and are complaining about dinner then it's their choice if they want to go to bed hungry!!! (they are not starved, they are just peckish if that)

It has happened once that I took them to bed and they said they were hungry and wanted to eat their dinner. And they did! And had a celebratory treat afterwards. Yay! Win! Most days, they either just go to bed and don't complain or do accept eating a few spoonfuls of the food. Usually helped by some bribery with treats afterwards.

Am I wrong?..... is this a UK thing? (I was born and raised elsewhere)

I think unless you have had a fussy child, then you really don't understand and shouldn't judge.
My DS ate everything in huge quantities from the moment we started weaning. I used exactly the same approach with DD. She clamped her mouth shut and would eat hardly anything as soon as weaning started. She wouldn't eat when she must have been hungry. Of course I gave her stuff she would eat. As I didn't want fish fingers and spaghetti for my tea every day for 6 months, I cooked her a different stuff. It took weeks of patience to get her to even try a new food, let alone get her to eat it on a regular basis. She never ate a decent meal during the day. Letting her go to bed without something she would eat wasn't an option.
She did gradually improve, but it took probably until she was about 10 before she would willingly try something new.

I be agree. I don't understand said that programme. Plus it's cheaper to batch cook a huge spag Bol, meatballs for spaghetti and meatballs. I've made the same meal (give or take a few times when Dh and I had steak and salad, and they had chicken dippers. But they now both as late teens now want the same steak dinner! ) for all of us, 90+% of the time for the last 18 years. Ds's eat what is put infront of them.

My brother is a 'if they are hungry they will eat' type of parent which works for his kids but he's taken mine on holiday without me and had to eat his words as my kids are 'if I'm hungry I will eat the food I like" type of children.

I rarely cook two meals, unless we are having aubergine as my son really doesn’t like it at all.

If he doesn’t want his dinner thats fine, I always have something else he can have. Meal times shouldn’t be punishment based, nor should we be ignoring natural and healthy cues around food. Unless you cook a meal you dislike and then eat it all, you shouldn’t do the same for your child/ren.

Mine was and still is even as a teen monitored for sufficient weight gain. When she was a baby and a child, we just didn’t want her to suffer from malnutrition or failure to thrive. Now as a teen, the concern is anxiety and food battles turning to anorexia. Frankly, the failure to thrive days were much less terrifying.

it doesn’t even phase me anymore that I have to make two meals. I’m just happy she can have a good sense of humor about it and not take it personally when strangers or even friends and family think it’s ok to comment.

I did what my mum did - eat what's in front of you or don't eat. Simples.

I think you are right that there’s a cultural element. Other countries (mostly thinking non-Anglosphere) don’t have the same culture of ‘kids food’ that we do in the UK, it’s expected that kids eat the same food (maybe less spicy) as adults rather than the bland beige stuff on kids menus here. The soil association actually has a campaign to stop kids meals in restaurants being so crap.

I am curious to what you are classing as a 'junk' meal?
Fish fingers and beans?
Chicken dippers and microwave rice?
My husband and daughter both like more 'traditional' meals - ie a roast or similar.
I can't stand food like that so I usually have something different. If we always had the same meals I would never get to eat the foods I like - pasta, pizza, fish, noodle stir fry. I would be the one going to bed hungry.
I could never physically eat a food I don't like - and I would never expect someone else to do that too.

You have to realise that you are privileged that your children are good eaters and at a healthy weight (and healthy in every other aspect as well based on your post). Not everyone is this lucky.

You said yourself that your kids are perfect so obviously you can't also think that you are being too harsh or doing something wrong.

So yes, your post does come across as if either you would like a medal for your wholesome parenting or you would like to invite other perfect parents to slag off families where things don't work so perfectly (aka the shitty parents).

My daughter is a very poor eater and under weight. Most days I try to make something that I think she will eat but when dh or me fancy something different then I will make a different meal for her. If she loved chocolate, cakes or chicken Mcnuggets (which she doesn't) then I'd happily feed her that as well just to get more calories into her (I still try...).

Most parents try their best to raise their kids as well as possible and keep them healthy and happy. And not everyone gets it right. I'm sure I've done something wrong at some point to screw up my daughter's relationship with food and I wish I knew what it was. I wish I could fix it. I wish I could be as smug as you about it.

I like the idea of division of responsibility when it comes to kids eating which a lot of people have mentioned on here. As long you give them something with the meal you know they will eat eg rice, bread, wrap etc and they choose not to eat the other stuff, then so be it. It really helps if they can serve themselves. My kids learnt to like salad as I’d let them chop everything and then have a ‘salad bar’. It takes time and a lot of washing up afterwards but it’s worth it. But I wouldn’t cook another meal if they didn’t eat or tell them they won’t get a dessert. Although have done this on occasion but regret it as it just gives them the impression that one food is better than the other and glorifies sweet stuff.
I also like playing games with them where they close their eyes and have to guess what food they are eating etc.
really recommend this website www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/
and this book
The 7 Secrets of Raising Happy Eaters: Why French Kids Eat Everything and how Yours Can Too!
Book by Karen Le Billon

Also found it helpful to follow baby led weaning for babies and again division of responsibility for toddlers and making meals fun eg saying these are superhero carrots, you’ll be able to jump high if you try that etc.
my kids are 5 and 7 and eat ok. I sometimes get annoyed when they don’t want to eat a curry I make but then I remember what some of their friends eat and I calm down 😂

I provide gruel in a bowl and if they have the audacity to ask for more then I kick them out into the meth fuelled streets of Victorian London.

Or was that some book I read?

I cook one meal for all, and 9/10 times it's "eat it or leave it - no alternative". Tonight however I served up a combination of all of DS' much disliked foods and was happy to make him some pasta on the side, which we all ate along with the rest of our dinner.

If I know my kids really dislike my meal, I usually make some amendments (serve it without the sauce or whatever so rice/pasta is plain) but only on the occasions it's a known issue

Yes I think it's cultural. I was also born and raised elsewhere and it would be unheard of to cook separate dinners.

I think in the UK it may also be due to the fact that kids eat very early so adults will often naturally eat separately. So it makes sense to prepare something kid-friendly for the kids-only dinner. Where I am from everyone eats dinner at the same time, so only one thing gets cooked.

It took some convincing for DH to agree not to offer a substitute if DC don't eat their dinner (I always make sure there is at least a part of dinner that is something they like of course, as it wouldn't be fair to offer something totally new and random and expect them to go hungry).

At nursery however they get toast if they don't want what's on offer but they know that doesn't happen at home. It's working out pretty well for us so far and DC will eat most things, but I'm sure I would have given in by now if they had been particularly fussy.

My younger 2 have spd and are definitely the type who'd rather go hungry so we have different meals going on here

Anyway, I'd not have any of them go to bed hungry but they'd get a banana or toast

I wouldnt consider cooking two separate meals. Obviously I don't cook things I know the kids won't eat but I will often try something new and sometimes it doesn't go down very well. The back up is toast and some fruit for anyone who has tried the main meal and genuinely doesn't like it. If for some weird reason they didn't want the toast and fruit I would have no issue sending them to bed hungry although I suspect they would just help themselves to chocolate bars once I had gone up to bed ...

i wouldn’t put DS to bed without dinner … he’d wake me up!

I have one child with food issues relating to SEN. If I ate what he eats every day I would probably slit my wrists. So I cook what he will eat and add something of mine on the side for him to try. That has worked for us and has meant he will now eat a scallop, or a piece of calamari or a piece of pumpkin whereas previously he would never do so.

I have had people say 'he'll eat when he gets hungry' or claim that i am spoling him but the fact is he has very real sensory issues and so whatever goes in is good. He is under a dietician and we are working well together.

My own mother once decided she could do a better job than me and persuaded him (aged about 11) to eat a single slice of banana. When he projectile vomited it back up over her top she realised that maybe I was not exaggerating.

Exactly this.

What a smug tone-deaf OP.

This book is a brilliant read. I love it. It does not work well on my DS with SEN because he has lots of issues going on, but it was brilliant for my younger one who is neuro typical.

But what i love about it is how it talks about food and what food means to families.

I often cook separate meals for my children. I wouldn't say they are fussy but some days they don't want the dinner I'm cooking. Its no big deal for me. I would rather they ate something they like and enjoy rather than forcing them to eat or have them going to bed hungry. Imagine as an adult not having that choice.

We have different tastes in our house. E.g I like meat and DH is a vegetarian. I like highly spiced food and no one else does.

So we often have different meals. It's no big deal. If mum and dad can have different food it's hard to justify why the kids can't.

I certainly wouldn't be making my kids go to bed without dinner because they didn't like the food served.

I also suspect many on the thread have never experienced a child who has food issues.

There's usually a reason one child gets a different meal.

From memory one child was allergic to various foods, I totally get a parent not wanting to try new things if there is a risk on anaphylaxis.

I think another had cancer.

One family the children's mother had died and grandma had taken over, OP would you really send a child to bed hungry who has just been bereaved?

I wouldn't make separate meals but happy to always have cereal / toast on offer. I don't want anyone in my house to go to bed hungry just to make a point. I think it's almost bullying. As an adult I am not forced to eat things I don't care for so why should they? We had to sit at the table until we finished our food. I remember it vividly. I also remember trying to swallow cold egg with orange juice and projectile vomiting all over the breakfast table. I still don't eat egg and I still remember those times sat alone crying at the table trying to force feed myself cold dinner. Not worth it and not the memories I want my kids to have. They eat well, nothing at eating times is a drama, they help
me cook and have fun with food. If they don't like it toast takes 2 minutes. No big deal. Pick your battles.

Christ people are defensive on this thread. Either way of doing things is fine as long as your kids aren't starving. I always do one meal but my kids aren't eparticularly fussy so if they don't want to eat dinner it's not that stressful, I can assume they're not hungry and not worry about them going to bed without eating.

If my kids were fussy eaters I'm sure it would be a whole different ballgame and I can well imagine why parents do whatever it takes to see them eat something decent. Or even just something.