Why did you decide to have a second child?

[TiredMommy93]

My son is 6 weeks old and colicky and I can hardly bear another second of this.
Other people experience the same and I wonder why people decide to have more than one.
Sorry for being negative. I just don't get it...

I have three children, the eldest is 15. In that whole time the relentless exhaustion from trying to soothe a distressed baby who slept in stints of 30-60m for months on end was -hands dow- the hardest s

Stretch of parenting I've ever had to do.

It gets easier but not particularly quickly, hang on in there.

First was also colicky and unsettled and very energetic. Second was born when he was 2.5. Second was the easiest baby ever.

I have a 9 week old with reflux and am wondering the same! We always thought we were going to be one and done anyway but this experience has sealed the deal…

I had a really easy baby, toddler and child. Baby number 2 is 7 months and so far has also been a dream, so depending on what sort of toddler he is we may well have another.

6 weeks is very little. If you give yourself time you might want another. I had another to provide a playmate for my eldest, which I know is considered a terrible reason to have a baby on mumsnet, but they are 15 and nearly 18 now and are very glad they have each other and I love them both to bits, so no harm done.

6 or 9 weeks is no time at all. You are basically in a cycle where you need to feed them, change them, burp them and you have no sleep

I felt the same as you for a while - at least the first 18 months or so with my first

but alas my DD is now 3 and I’m pregnant again. There is a turning point when that baby becomes a lovely, kind, funny toddler - and in my case my best friend.

can’t imagine not having another.

so hang in there - you are in the fourth trimester which is so tough and relentless but it will get so much better - and so very different

I think because even though when you're in the throws of that madness of early parents and it seems that it will never end. It does. Then you start thinking of it wistfully etc.
Hormones have alot to answer for.
For what it's worth I have a 7 year old and due number 2 in sep. I can remember the baby days being horrific but that yearning for another ramped up again when she was about 5 and half.

My first never slept but wasn’t colicky, that’s really tough!
I always wanted 2, but had horrible pregnancies and I don’t think I’d have actively started trying for dc2 ever, however we were a little irresponsible with contraceptive on one occasion and dc2 was the result. Stark contrast with dc1 who took 4 years and a mmc before we had her.

FTM here. Age 3-6 months was extremely hard work for us. Up 12 times a night most nights with DS, he was a consistent nap refuser, sometimes bedtime would take 2-3 hours, and I swore I'd never have another. When it's hard it really feels like time is standing still and it'll never get better. But it does. There's always challenges and difficulties but imo it's so worth it. I'm now convinced I want another because the thought of never doing it again makes me feel so sad

First baby was easy (pregnancy and birth were not through) . I’m 1 of 4 soon could imagine DS growing up without siblings. All his cousins are abroad/ hundreds of miles away in UK. I was late30s so we thought we’d better get on with it.

First had terrible reflux. I had hardly any sleep for months and was demented. He didn't sleep through for ages.

I just really wanted him to have a sibling and I am glad I did. They are get on so well and really love each other (both junior school age now). Its worked out really well for them.

On the upside,

Because a family unit to me involves siblings. I sadly experienced terrible secondary infertility and many many losses but did eventually go on to have more children. I'd still have more in a heartbeat. The newborn weeks where it's so hard are such a small period of time in relation to the rest of their lives. It will pass. Afterwards I regretted not making the most of it at the time. Losses put that in perspective for me - now the hard days don't seem so hard to me when compared to what I went through previously. My eldest also begged for siblings. And watching them together is one of the greatest privileges of my life.

Because the bit where its a nightmare and you wish you could go back and not get pregnant doesnt last forever.

Crying peaks at 8 weeks so you're in the thick of it. When your baby gets older and really grows into their personality you do forget the bad parts. It doesn't last forever

My first baby was like that - I wondered how anyone could put themselves through it again! I felt deeply sad and sorry for people who told me they were expecting a baby. But it got better and I started enjoying parenthood once I got to sleep again!

5 years later the bad memories faded and I wanted to have another go at having a baby and toddler and I wanted my older daughter to have a sibling.

A year later I was pregnant and the new baby didn't have any colic, any reflux, no difficulties establishing breastfeeding, she slept well, was happy all the time etc.

My now 2 year old was colicky refluxy and screamed pretty much his entire first 2 months, I distinctly remember saying I never ever could do it ever again. I’m definitely still not ready now for another but I now know I will be one day, maybe in a few years. Whereas I know people who had easier babies who already have had another baby since.

I think it can take longer to forget the newborn stress when it’s been particularly rough. Also I’d be way more confident with a second knowing what works and also most importantly knowing that the really rough bit does come to an end and they become just these incredible little people that are just so so so worth the stress of the early weeks.

I still haven’t decided I wanted a second so can’t really answer your question. But after going through a colicky, none sleeping, refluxy, high needs baby, I also promised myself never, ever again. That newborn is 2 now and an absolute legend, the best thing in the universe. I am weighing up the option of having a second, which is a situation I never thought I’d find myself in. I want to go for it because I want a second child, the thought of having a second newborn absolutely terrifies me though.

The second time is probably easier because you know what to expect and definitely know that it's worth it

Oh don’t even think about that now you are absolutely at the worst stage.

I had a second because I wanted another child/person. I absolutely didn’t want another baby but unfortunately you have to get through that bit!

Exactly. I hope with every part of me that if we do have a second it will be an easy going, sleep loving potato…but at least if they aren’t I know it will end. I won’t be stuck with a screaming, none sleeping newborn forever, as it felt like the first time round.

Think about what?

So he had a sibling and play mate there is 22 month between my boys and they are best friends

It was worth the struggle in early days for the bond they have.