Moving in with partner and issues with who has which bedroom

[danimarie82]

Hi All

I'm hoping for some opinions here from people who are away from the situation and can therefore be objective.

My partner has asked me and my 15 year old son to move in with. He has a 16 year old daughter living with him now but she will be moving out in the summer holidays to go and live with her mum 100 miles away as she wants to go the college near her mums. The daughter currently occupies the second biggest bedroom and my partner thinks my son should cram into the tiny third bedroom which is a 6ftx6ft room so just about room for a bed and not much else.

I think given that his daughter won't be living there and only coming back for school holidays and my son will be living with us full time that he should really be allowed to have the bigger room. However I don't know if I'm just being a bit blinkered here to what is best for my kid.

Just to say, I currently live in a two bedroom house so it is not practical for him to move in with me either.

I don't want to cause animosity or upset to anyone so any advice or opinion would be appreciated.

Thank you :)

Dont do it!

Agree with pp.
This won’t work.
Does your son want to move in to your partner’s house?

I don't think you can move into someone's house and dictate how they use their rooms. If you really want to move in together (which I wouldn't do with a 15yo TBH), look for a new place together.

Signs are all there, bright red and illuminated

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS GUY.

Completely agree.

The timing is off for this.
Hang on another 3 years till A levels are over. Honestly, if you've a halfway decent relationship with your son, why throw it away at the last hurdle.

Absolutely no way take the daughter's room. It is still her home. You will setting yourself up for all sorts of resentment. The better option would be both to move elsewhere with equal sized 2nd and 3rd rooms for the 2 kids.

Just wait until she has properly moved out & maybe even wait until DS is 18 then you don't have to think about it.

If you're moving in with him then his daughter should keep her room.

It would be awful for his daughter to feel that your son has taken her place!

Alternatively get a new house together or stay where you are!

I think this is the most sensible solution.

If your DS takes the bigger room, there will be resentment from the DD at being turned out of her room and being unwelcome in her home.

If your DS takes the smaller room, he will feel as this is not his home and he is unwelcome.

Find another solution.

Agree that it's a tricky time to move. But would it be an option for your DS to take the smallest room but let him have a desk that he can use in the 16 test old's room when she's not there? I've found that has worked really well with some of our kids and they like having somewhere different to study from sleeping. Plus possibly he'd need some storage space elsewhere in the house (or in the larger bedroom) depending how much stuff he has.

I am also with the choice to wait until your son is a legal adult and then getting a new place for you and your partner. How long have you been together? I don't see enough advantages of moving in together but I see a lot of potential downsides. Do you own your current home?

Thank you all, I do appreciate the honest and objective opinions on this. I was worried that maybe I can’t see the wood for the trees almost.
I don’t want to be all “entitled” which is why I needed opinions from people away from the situation.

Why move in at all? If it’s a goer you have years ahead of you and kids will be off soon. If he turns out to be an arsehole then you’ll not have given up your home.

If your partner is insisting you move in btw then definitely don’t. In that situation run for the hills.

Neither option is great for the kids. Stay in separate houses or find somewhere new with 3 doubles.

Wrong time to move. I would wait for 3 years. If you do move, one of the DC will be pissed off and rightly so!

You cannot kick her out of her room. Bloody hell. POSSIBLY, after she's moved to her mums, it could be a discussion but as she's still young, I would avoid that.

If you want to move in together, then you need to find a new house that is big enough.

Nope. Take a breather and try and step back from the situation as an excited partner about to move in with their person and screw your mum head back on. Is this move what's best for your son? As someone else has noted you've got a relatively short time to wait before he's 18, if your relationship with your OH is solid it will work until then while living apart. No matter how well they get on, living together will severely test your son's relationship with your partner, never mind your sons' relationship with his daugher if he nicks her bedroom as soon as her back is turned. Slow your roll!

I wouldn't give up my home to live with someone, unless there was more commitment

If it goes pear shaped you are buggered

You don't say what your housing position is... I wouldn't be giving up a secure tenancy (council or social housing etc) to move into a situation where your son feels like the unwanted kid.

I also wouldn't expect the daughter to give up her place in her dad's house when College is for 2yrs - she's likely to be back in the holidays and maybe when she moves again for uni?

If you both private rent see if you can get a 3 (or maybe 4) bed to ensure the kids have similar sized rooms each. If your housing is anything else - one of you owns or has secure tenancy then I wouldn't move in together at this point.

Many kids live in 6ft Square box rooms all their lives, but I don't think I would risk your relationship with your son for this at this point in his life when it isn't necessary.

1. don’t move in
2. if you do daughter keeps her room.

Don't do it.

My ex wanted me and my DD to move in with him and 3 DCs. He only had a four bedroom house so he suggested my daughter share a room with one of his DCs. I refused to make my DD share a room, she's never had to share in her life and she was very studious so needed a quiet room to herself. So when I knocked that down he suggested his spare room, which had no windows and you had to walk thru one of the other DCs room to get to it. I was very upset that he thought it was okay to put her in a room like that. So I suggest we find a new place so all the DCs could have their own proper room and he made all kinds of excuses. That to me showed it had to be his way or no way, so I never moved in and I'm better off for it.

Have you asked DS what he thinks?

No, your son doesn’t have the right to his daughters bedroom just because she wants to be with her Mum and do a college course. It’s her room, and she deserves to keep it, not be thrown out of it just because her dad has decided to move his girlfriend and her kid in. I realise that’s not a very nice way of putting it, but it’s the reality, and it would be especially in her eyes.

It would be best for your son to have the biggest bedroom if you insist on making him move on with your partner, but unfortunately that needs clashes with an equally important one, and she was there first.

One of the hardest parenting things for me was when their needs were completely different at the same time, and that’s only going to be accentuated when one of them has to sacrifice for someone who isn’t even their own sibling.

Are you sure it wouldn’t be better for both of your children to wait until they are older for you to move on together?

If either want to go the university the live in partners wages are taken into account for student loans etc - worth thinking about.

Personallyvuou are probably better off where you are.