Can someone help me help me understand my 3yo's behaviour when playing - NOT SEN

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I'm not sure if this is the residue of the Terrible Two. I found playing with DS2 often turns me away from trying anything with him.

• Can't do anything involving counting with him, as he would make sure deliberately skip numbers, e.g. 1, 2, 7 even though he IS CAPABLE of counting to 10.

• Can't do building blocks with him, as he just watches me building anything ignoring my invitation for him to do it.

• I got a sandbox for him. He seemed really excited the first time seeing it and did play for about half an hour. But since then, he seems to have lost interest quickly. I thought at this age, they'd be happy just dig the sand here and there. But he didn't seem to be bothered with digging sand at all.The second time when I took it out, he barely played for more than 10 minutes.Then never asked for it again.

• Can't play card games with him. It's not he doesn't understand the simple rules of playing (like memory game or snap). He just seems to not wan to follow the rules and rather not play it at all.

• Tried Grapat loose parts. He genuinely seems not knowing what to do with them. He has no interest in colour sorting or parts stacking.

• Puzzle playing is also another challenge. He usually loses interest within 1 minute and requests to pack it away, if I didn't insist helping him to do it.

I don't know if it's a development thing, or confidence thing (hesitant to try by himself???), or anything else. He seems to be on the bright side. He just turned 3, but can speak fluently with barely any grammar mistake like a 4 years old. But he has little interest in learning numbers properly (did display a couple of weeks flash passion for numbers about 2 months ago). He can't recognise letters yet (except A and N) even though he seemed to be willing to know more.

He spends 4 mornings in the nursery. I spend every afternoon with him alone and the entire Fridays. I would love to use the time well and play more together. But I do feel a bit discouraged at the moment. - I took a Melissa & Doug Take-Along Tool Kit out for him this week when he couldn't go to nursery because of tummy bug. I played in front of him for 10 minutes and he only said they have the toolbox in the nursery but not the nuts and bolts. Then he requested me to put it away...

Do these behaviours seem familiar to anyone? Any theory can be suggested to explain this?

This seems very forced. Why do you spend so much time with him alone? Can you take him to the park / on outings etc.
You don't need to be teaching him stuff particularly.
Are you having any fun together?

Does he play by himself? If you don't offer all these activities,get involved in his play what does he do? What things/toys do interest him?

Sounds like maybe you're trying too hard? What happens if you go for a walk and talk about the things you see, ID birds ect.
Or take him to the shop and see if he takes an interest in counting with coins so there is some 'point' to it?

It just sounds like he isn't interested in those types of games. Is he more active? Enjoys make believe?

Ah, not much a big fan for play doh or drawing either. Even though he claims he wants to play, but within 2 minutes, he'd lose interest if I didn't do the play for him... Even that, he'd mostly just watching me doing, not putting his own hands to use...

What does he enjoy doing?

He's getting loads of toy play at nursery I would get out and do stuff like the playground, get muddy, go swimming, go to soft play, trampolining etc

I would stop forcing it

Try following his lead. What does he gravitate towards? Join in with his play, let him lead it and see what happens.

If you just left him to it, what does he gravitate to? What would he do to entertain himself if you weren't prompting or offering activities?

If you just ignored him and got on with the washing up etc, what would he do?

Thanks! It sounds like I've been trying to hard to do theme activities? I don't know. It's sort of the kind of idea in my mind how children play...

We do enjoy outings together. But it gets tiring if doing the same thing again every other day. (I try to avoid going to shop everyday too, as the money disappears a lot quicker that way!)

But yes, it's a good point about simply "talking" about what we see wherever we go. That would make any outing interesting. @TooManyAnimals94

He probably wants to exercise his gross motor skills op.

Agree with PP - what is he interested? My DS has very little interest in toys, but could spend hours wondering round outside and is happy for me to join in. Do you are trying to set the agenda too much for his play and making it too rigid?

just sounds like the things you want to do aren’t really play for him. Counting, cards and puzzles aren’t really play more learning experiences.

do you build dens, collects sticks, kick a ball about etc? Ask nursery what he does when free playing.

I don't really initiate play with DD very often. I join in (sometimes!) with stuff if she wants to involve me, but she kind of chooses what she wants to do if we are just in the house and just goes and gets the stuff out and plays how she wants to or asks me to join her to do something. I wouldn't worry about playing 'correctly' or following rules for card games and stuff either. DD is 3y4m and has just learned Snap, but it's often a very creative interpretation of the rules!

I'd just take a back seat and let him shape his own play and think for himself about what he wants to do, and then you can join in when he wants you to or just leave him to it. Independent play is a beautiful, beautiful thing!

But it gets tiring doing the same thing again every other day

Honestly, for toddlers, it doesn’t get tiring. It might get tiring for you, but if he still enjoys exploring the same overgrown car park looking at you DS then he’s not tired of it.

I did deliberately keep myself busy ignoring his invitation to play lately and he can now play alone nicely. But the second when I stop being busy, he would ask me to "play with him" which basically "play for him".

Part of reason doing these activities is that I wanted to play together sharing the fun together. If I just stay busy not playing with him, certainly he's ok, but it becomes a bit sad spending time together but not really together.

Go on a train journey ? Blow up a balloon and play balloon tennis? Bike ride / scooter ? Train sets ?

Have you got a garden? Can he play outside with a bowl of water? We got a climbing frame when my eldest was 3. It was a great hit .

Do you go on nature walks? Just to see what you each notice. You don't have to take an activity just see what happens on the journey.
My son will often disengage if I try to steer the play/ teach him things. But with magnatiles I have to do all the building while he watched so I don't get them out often!

Why have you put 'not sen' in your title?

He's 3, he might have sen, it's not a life sentence.

FWIW my now 16 year old, with SEN had very similar play behaviour to your son when he was 3.

Having managed his SEN needs he's now finished his GCSEs and is planning to do A Levels and go to University.

Don't be afraid that he might have learning differences. Embrace it, it's better for both of you.

Assuming he’s only recently 3 (as you mention hangover from the terrible twos) I think you may be expecting too much. Interactive, back and forward play is developmentally quite sophisticated. He’s probably capable of playing independently or watching you play but not combining the two quite yet.

At 3 my son used to skip the same numbers all the time- he knew them- we used to joke maybe he didn't like the way they sounded

My son at this age loved toy food and cars and putting things down ramps best. And his water play table in the garden.

Thanks again, everyone. Playing with children didn't come naturally to me. (Never played with DS1 - full time job and an inexperienced mum)

I thought I was learning (reading all the blogs /articles about playing and learning etc.) to play with him. I guess I have been doing it the wrong way?

I will try to go out more often. I see it's an universal truth - outdoor time suits all.

But you want it to be fun for him not fun for you…so you need to do something he enjoys. Baking? Football? Slime or something? I don’t know messy play? Garage and cars or imaginary play with dinosaurs were my boys fave things. I have 4, so lots of experience with play. One liked to play with the plastic plates etc or in the sink with water and bubbles, another mud pies or shaving foam et c. Also went up to the woods and made dens some I enjoyed some I endured but certainly didn’t keep them busy all the time. Let him choose what he’d like to do on his own then join in if he’ll allow you to. Be interested in him and his activities.