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Original poster

Partner does nothing!

46 replies

Booboo3629 · 15/06/2022 23:47

Hi all my OH and I have been together for nearly 4 years , we've recently had a baby together, at first he was brilliant, he works and I'm on maternity leave , I wasn't bothered about him going out now and again but today I had enough , he came home for 15 minutes then went to pub with his mates and left me with our baby , he regularly disappears and leaves me home alone and what hurt me the most today is he said ' you wanted a baby' basically making out because I wanted our baby I should be the soul carer of him . He doesn't get up with him for feeds either even when he's nit at work he turns over , he even doesn't help when he's at home he sits on his phone whilst I feed are baby , or hands me the bottle , if I want to do anything I have to make arrangements for my parents to have are baby for an hour or two even when dad's not at work ! He either makes up an excuse or makes me rush home so he can clear off out ! I feel like a single mum I can't eat when I want go to the loo wjen I want or have the odd lie in iv tried tellin him but he thinks it's down to me to do everything, im exhausted depressed and starting to hate him :(

OP posts:
WideOpenSpaces · 15/06/2022 23:57

Have my first LTB.
You will feel so much better without carrying around that resentment. He sounds like a loser. Cut him loose!

Aquamarine1029 · 16/06/2022 00:06

I'm sure he's been useless all along. Sadly, having a baby doesn't fix it.

easyday · 16/06/2022 00:11

Not much of a partner then is he. Sit down with him, have a frank talk. If he isn't willing to parent his own child then perhaps you should consider getting rid of the deadweight.

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mathanxiety · 16/06/2022 00:19

There is no excuse for this.

He has checked out of parenting and partnering.

Dump him. Don't waste any more time or energy wondering how to deal with this useless man.

Original poster
Booboo3629 · 16/06/2022 03:18

Thsnk you for your replies, im currently awake sorting our son hes turned over and pretending to be asleep im tempted to throw this dirty nappy iv got at his bone idle head !

OP posts:
rea2022x · 16/06/2022 03:30

mathanxiety · 16/06/2022 00:19

There is no excuse for this.

He has checked out of parenting and partnering.

Dump him. Don't waste any more time or energy wondering how to deal with this useless man.

This. You don't need this. You and your son deserve more. If he brings nothing to the table why are you continuing to sit there? Move on darling xxxx

Coyoacan · 16/06/2022 03:43

It is actually quite nice to be a single mother. You only have to cook and clean for yourself and your child and you can totally enjoy the little without that growing resentment of having a macho there who thinks caring for his child is demeaning.

Original poster
Booboo3629 · 16/06/2022 07:09

@Coyoacan I was a single mother to my daughter , her father never bothered from day 1 so its not like I can't do it again rather than having someone who cant be bothered , when your a parent its a 24 7 job and you cannot just turn it off and on when you feel like it ,l get people work but I no plenty of dad's who work long shifts yet still help with the baby , can you believe the guy is 33 years of age and has 2 other kids one which stays at my house every other weekend because his mother got fed up of his dad always seeing him when he felt like it , and I thought he might have grown up with this one ( lol ) but nah the novelty soon wore off.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 16/06/2022 07:15

Get rid, it will reduce the amount of work you need to do.

Mxflamingnoravera · 16/06/2022 07:39

He is not going to change, so you have two choices, stay and put up with it, but probably becoming increasingly unhappy. Or, leave and have a life free of his uselessness. It's a horrid realisation to face up to. I'm sorry you find yourself in this position.

Bananalanacake · 16/06/2022 07:51

How come only one of his 2 kids stay at yours.

KalvinPhillips23 · 16/06/2022 08:10

He will never change, dump him

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 16/06/2022 08:11

Booboo3629 · 16/06/2022 07:09

@Coyoacan I was a single mother to my daughter , her father never bothered from day 1 so its not like I can't do it again rather than having someone who cant be bothered , when your a parent its a 24 7 job and you cannot just turn it off and on when you feel like it ,l get people work but I no plenty of dad's who work long shifts yet still help with the baby , can you believe the guy is 33 years of age and has 2 other kids one which stays at my house every other weekend because his mother got fed up of his dad always seeing him when he felt like it , and I thought he might have grown up with this one ( lol ) but nah the novelty soon wore off.

Ah. He is a serial crap Dad. He is never going to change. This is his normal.

Original poster
Booboo3629 · 16/06/2022 08:12

@Bananalanacake because his daughter goes out with friends shes a teen lol like mine x

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 16/06/2022 08:15

Is the house yours?

MintJulia · 16/06/2022 08:19

My ex did that. Was thrilled with DS for the first 10 days, then stopped doing anything to help, assumed I would do all housework, night feeds, cooking, gardening etc because I was home all day and 'he worked'. Like I didn't !

I raised the issue, asked for help, worked to rule, did everything I could think of.

I stayed until DS was 2y2m and then I gave up and left. Life is so much easier as a single mum. The sad thing was DS didn't even notice his df wasn't there any more. 🙁

Notagain76 · 16/06/2022 08:32

What is it you want from him?
be very careful as your partner sounds like my ex husband, he was and I believe still is a great friend, boyfriend, son and brother but was a shit husband and dad. I done everything, I done all plays,sports day, holidays alone and I made excuses as I loved him. He actually got worse after we married but by then I had several kids with him. Then one day he just left and I was gutted as I thought we were forever but I never found it hard running the household as I’d been doing it for years. If theirs a chance he might change so it now while you might have a chance if not you know what’s best in your head, don’t follow your heart.
im now in another relationship but it’s equal, and I can honestly say I’m happy.

Original poster
Booboo3629 · 16/06/2022 08:42

@GrazingSheep yes it is but he said its his house too yet he moved in with me I left just my name on the tenancy ,and @Notagain76 I just want him to be a dad to are son , im not bother about me spending time with him it bothers me he cba with a baby that's done nothing wrong @MintJulia I'm the same I cook clean everything, his excuse is ' I work ' so do most blokes ! X

OP posts:
Spohn · 16/06/2022 08:46

Yep, you picked badly again, but he’s just a boyfriend, nots a ‘partner’ in any way (not that that word means anything), this is good, it’s your house, so you can remove him from it, and dump the deadbeat. He’s been quite clear that he doesn’t give a shit about the child, so no need to keep your kids around him, traumatising them with his open contempt.

Original poster
Booboo3629 · 16/06/2022 08:53

@Spohn yes your right and its definitely made my decision when he came out with ' you wanted a baby ' I could of smacked him in the gob for saying that!

OP posts:
sunflowerandivy · 16/06/2022 08:54

Oh dear. What a loser. Chuck him out. I'm afraid you have chosen badly again. He sounds awful. He doesn't sound like he cares about you or baby.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 16/06/2022 09:01

Get rid of this waste of space, you will only grow to hate him over the years.
I got rid of mine and suddenly life was 100 times easier.

Lovisa85 · 16/06/2022 09:22

Single mum to be, 2 months into pregnancy. Have no family close by to help, really worried about the future, how will I manage on my own... The father of the baby does not want any responsibility and left me to deal with it. I know the easiest option would be to terminate the pregnancy, but I would not be able to live with that.
No close friends around either. I wonder if there is anyone here who feels the same? How do you cope? Thank you.

Original poster
Booboo3629 · 16/06/2022 09:37

Hi @Lovisa85 I'm so sorry you are going through this , I'd maybe have a chat with your midwife if their already in contact they could give you some advice on support x

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 16/06/2022 09:46

I'm sorry he is so useless. Was he as on board with TTC as you were?

Sadly, I know several women who are with or have split up from partners who said "you were the one who wanted a baby".

MN is full of threads from women who want a/another baby when their partner doesn't. They need to read this thread.

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