Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I am embarressed to have the other mums at my house

41 replies

Stefka · 14/01/2008 19:33

This probably sounds silly. I was in a antenatal class and now that we have all had our babies we meet at each others houses for coffee each week. Everyone takes a turn and I know I need to do it soon. Thing is it was a class you pay for but as we are a low income family we got a huge discount and I feel very aware of how nice everyone's house is compared to my own wee box. I've been putting off taking my turn because of this. Told you it was silly

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

iMum · 14/01/2008 19:35

Dont worry, My ds1 goes to a private school which we STRUGGLE to scrape the money together for-there is a big difference in our living arrangments and some of the other mums-dont let it worry you-its just stuff

MaeWest · 14/01/2008 19:38

It wasn't NCT by any chance was it? I felt pretty inferior to most of the other women in my group, at the time. Now I wonder what I worried about [daft].

Don't be embarrassed tho, if they're sniffy it's their problem

BibiThree · 14/01/2008 19:39

Don't feel silly about this, it's natural, but don't let it get in the way of making friends. The other mums may have nice houses in as much as they are furnished with nice things, but it takes more than furnishings to make a home nice imo.

get a brew on and have them round!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

black31cat · 14/01/2008 19:40

I've had the same thing with my NCT antenatal group. I hosted the first coffee morning in my little semi in a state of post natal naivety, and then discovered over the next weeks that many of the others in the group lived in huge five bedroomed houses in the country! I was so embarrassed and haven't invited anyone back since. I still go to the occasional meet up 11 months on, but i'm wary of ones at other peoples houses as i can't recipocate. There's no way that 9 crawling babies would fit into my house. So, I know i'm being silly too, but you're not alone in your silliness.

lennygrrl · 14/01/2008 19:42

Message withdrawn

princessmel · 14/01/2008 19:44

I felt a bit like that with the school mums. And we're not that different to some of them (money wise). But before they came I cleaned like mad. (my house always seems messier than everyones too!!)
After they've all been once I was much more relaxed about it.
I used to joke 'oh my house is such a tip etc' to prepare them I suppose. Its not even that bed. Just toys and washing.

Don't worry about it. If you are happy with them as friends then it will be fine.

cory · 14/01/2008 19:45

The mums groups I went to when dd was little and then with ds were flexible enough to cope with this- you could explain that you didn't want to host and some people did- but we also crammed into tiny rooms, it's usually not a problem if everybody is positive.

anorak · 14/01/2008 19:46

If no one could socialise with anyone whose house was a different size from theirs it would be very difficult to find anyone to have a cuppa with.

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 14/01/2008 19:47

I had a larger house than a lot of the people in my NCT class. Not huge, but no problem getting everyone in.

Some people did have tiny flats.

I could not give less of a feck. Honestly. What was far far more important to me was the quality of the biscuits.

Summerfruit · 14/01/2008 19:48

Message withdrawn

pooka · 14/01/2008 19:51

We took turns religiously when the babies were tiny, but once they were crawling and more mobile, if someone didn't have the room (or had builders in or whatever) for 8 or 9 moving children, they'd say so and it wouldn't be a problem. My advice would be to do your bit in hosting when they are small and compact, and never mind about comparisons with other people's houses.
Now most of us have our second child too, and that meant that meeting is a logistical nightmare. Less frequent, but worth it when it all comes together.

NineUnlikelyTales · 14/01/2008 19:51

I was in exactly the same position as you Stefka and honestly, it hasn't been a problem. I don't host coffee mornings because we haven't the room and we're still decorating what little space we do have! But no one seems to care where we meet. I have been honest and said I don't have the room to host a get together at the moment, but I always take something nice to eat (home made now my DS is old enough for me to have the time) and maybe a couple of toys to the meet ups we have, so I contributing something even if it's not house room IYSWIM? Don't risk friendships over the size of your house

Twiggypiggy · 14/01/2008 19:52

They should like you for you and not your house.

weeonion · 14/01/2008 19:57

stefka - i also felt in your position with my nct antenatal group - and yep - most of them had houses that had living rooms the same size as our whole flat. i was upfront about it and said how i felt. everyone was grand abou tit - and actually it was ok when they came round (i was terrified in case something happened to their flash cars parked outside though!). now when its my turn to host - we tend to meet in a really lovely coffe place that is mega kiddy friendly.
if you are really not comfortable or it isnt practical - is there somewhere close by that you can meet?

mylittleponey · 14/01/2008 20:00

if the mums are true friends with you they wont care where you live - it's your support & friendship that are important.

JossStick · 14/01/2008 20:00

Awww Stefka! Don't worry about it.

As others have said - people will remember your hospitality (biscuits, feeling of welcome etc.) much more than the size of your house.

I bet it's lovely anyway.

Quattrocento · 14/01/2008 20:02

Here's the thing Stefka. I felt odd in my NCT group because they were all kaftan-wearing, barefoot treehuggers and I was a hard-nosed career woman...

I mean I'm not hard-nosed and they weren't always wearing kaftan's but everyone feels odd about something, don't they? I bet the person with the largest house in your group feels self-conscious about that.

Quattrocento · 14/01/2008 20:02

OMG succumbed to rogue apostrophe - I am getting back to work

MaeWest · 14/01/2008 20:05

We should have swapped groups Quattrocentro - I was far too hippy and not career enough for mine

Mercy · 14/01/2008 20:12

Stefka, it doesn't sound silly at all.

Invite them round though!

magsi · 14/01/2008 20:17

Cake is the answer!!! get in a cracking, fingerlickin' cake and no-one will even notice their surroundings!

hatwoman · 14/01/2008 20:32

nice people don't judge people on the size of their house. be it bigger or smaller.

why are you embarrassed? because you think there's something "wrong" with having a smaller house? rubbish and you know it is. because you think they might judge you? well if you do think that, then you are judging them. if you're right - then they're not worth it (but I strongly suspect you'd be wrong)

I speak as someone who used to feel embarrassed because her house is perhaps a bit bigger than some. I used to worry that people would judge me - think me a snob etc. so I had to decide to get over myself and just be myself, invite people round. if they want to judge they can judge. they don't. the same applies in all directions.

hatwoman · 14/01/2008 20:33

and I would be gutted if I felt any potential friendships had been terminated because of house-embarrassment. what a rubbish reason!

tigerlily1980 · 14/01/2008 20:55

I can really identify with this. I used to live in a 2-up, 2-down in a rough street...and it was one of those houses I couldn't do anything with. Even with new carpets, and nice furniture, it always looked cramped and I didn't like it. It wasn't just the interior of the house...there were things beyond our control such as the big gang of teenagers hanging around outside, swearing, drinking and kicking balls at the cars.
I used to worry about inviting the school mums round, especially as some of them live in beautiful big houses in lovely areas.
However, I think its an inferiority which comes from within, and once I got over this, I did have the other mums round. To be honest they didn't blink an eyelid. And when I confessed that I hated the house/the area, they would say that they had their first homes in similar areas.

LynetteScavo · 14/01/2008 21:02

I was in this situation when I has DS1. Our house wasn't that small, a 3 bed terrace, but everyone else happened to have great big houses. Also DS wasn't planned like the other babies. Do invite them round! Just because someone has more money, doesn't mean they aren't like minded. It turned out I dind't have that much in common with the other mums, but I did enjoy going to their lovely big houses, adn extravegant birthday parties!

Flip

1 2