I am embarressed to have the other mums at my house

[Stefka]

This probably sounds silly. I was in a antenatal class and now that we have all had our babies we meet at each others houses for coffee each week. Everyone takes a turn and I know I need to do it soon. Thing is it was a class you pay for but as we are a low income family we got a huge discount and I feel very aware of how nice everyone's house is compared to my own wee box. I've been putting off taking my turn because of this. Told you it was silly

Really don't worry. There's a huge variation in our group and mine is definitley one of the smallest (second to one other but not by much) - and I struggle if everyone turns up. I can only sit 4 adults on proper chairs. Now with the second babies coming we often go to a soft play instead (also saves on the cleaning before or after) as they need more space to play.

Some of the other houses are really HUGE.

Stefka, it's not silly at all. (Well, perhaps unecessary but not silly). I have been having the same worries about a book group I've been invited to join as will hae to take my turn at hosting but all the other people have very big, lovely houses and are much wealthier. I know this is silly too, it has actually helped to see your question about a similar situation as the answer was so obvious when it was someone else. I really like Magsi's advice about cake! Let us know how you get on

Do bake cake or cookies. You effort will be much appreciated.

It is an NCT group yes! Thanks - I feel less badly now knowing that others have had the same feelings. They are all really nice and won't care at all - it's just in my head. I feel like my house is so cluttered because it is so tiny - well it is cluttered! I'll volunteer for the following week and fill the house with as much chocolate and cake as I can.

i am the Queen of clutter - more clutter in less space than anyone. We like our clutter - we nest in it. But I'm sure others go home thinking they could NEVER live like that.

And I don't bake. Always the same old supermarket cake. So you'd definitley be one up there.

Oh gosh I can't bake lol! Perhaps I should start.

My house also looks like a laundrette and my DS doesn't have a proper room. Thankfully he has no clue that he is the poor baby on the block.

Dh goes nuts about the washing hanging in the house but what's a girl to do? I try not to hang it out so much when visitors are coming.

And supermarket cakes are pretty good these days.

I love to cook (sometimes). But I DO NOT Bake. Ever.

Stefka - a group of us made friends in antenatal group and our houses vary greatly but that doesn't hinder the friendship.
some have 4 bed detached houses one lady lives in a georgian manor house, victorian terrace 2 up 2 down and a tiny 2 bed house on an estate with Mum Dad 2 children and parents working from home full time. But NONE of it matters all our babies do the same things and keep us up at night and make our hearts swell with their smiles.
Hold your head up high, if they come to your home it is because they like you not because they are wanting afternoon tea at the Ritz.

Betty crocker do great packet mix carrot cakes compromise between home baking and shop bought.

My NCT group with dd was in an area where at least half of us were in tiny terraces (and it was a rough area!) and we coped even with lots of babies round - you just get as many people to fold buggies as possible and accept that you'll be three mums to a sofa and several sitting on the floor as well as on all available chairs - we sometimes had up to twelve mums and babies there. To be honest the odd coffees at bigger or detached houses were sometimes a pain because they were usually far away and harder to get to!

Remember with these coffees that when you're all first-time mums you mostly all feel a huge bond with other mums going through the same thing, regardless of other interests, status etc. Everyone is desperate to talk about their babies and how they're getting on. A year or two on and you can sort of see things breaking up a little if you haven't bonded very well - people move on from that stage where, when they meet another mum of a baby, regardless of what she's like, they treat her like a lifelong friend and will talk about anything! They will gradually start assessing you a bit more like the way they did before they had children. That's when, if there are any snobby people, you'll find them acting that way (but still most people won't be snobby!).

Those early months when many people will see any other new mum as a friend and forget other criteria altogether - that's the time to be a bit of a tart and get to know as many other mums as possible, so that, when people start dropping back a bit and you find yourself really mainly wanting to be with like-minded mums (that you share non-baby interests with too), not just any other mum, you'll have as many new mum acquaintances with friendship potential as possible to keep in touch with .

I didn't join NCT as was living with my parents and single when pg with DD. But reading all your posts has made me think I should have given it more thought! Do you have to join when you are pregnant/have a newborn or are there different groups for different ages then?

Stefka don't worry! However big the others' houses are, they will just be so pleased not to be the one organising the tea and having to do the clearing up afterwards. I worried about getting everyone into my flat, but actually everybody just sat on the floor and ate biscuits quite happily. As long as the floor is relatively clean I think it'll be fine! (I was appalled to suddenly discover that my new social life was at floor level and people would actually notice if I had hoovered or not)

ladymuck; you don't hoover before an NCT coffee morning. We had a very strict rule about that. You have to hoover the debris up after and who wants to hoover 2x in aday/week?

Please don't not invite people because they live in bigger houses. This used to happen to me all the time. I just wanted someone else to make me a cup of tea outside my 4 walls and didn't care where. Lived in houses are so much more welcoming than posh houses.

I can;t believe you care about this - we live in a tiny 2 up 2 down back to back terrace but it's our home. If anyone judged me on our income/house I wouldn't want to be their friend anyway. It will be fine.

My Ante-natal group was also v. mixed, we had large houses in poor areas and tiny boxes in posh areas, which prob cost more. No-one worried. The only thing I do know is that esp as the DC's got older, everyone liked coming to mine, as there's nothing in it that matters if someone's sick on the carpet, or knocks and ornament of the mantel piece. I'll say oh honestly it doesn't metter and I mean it.

One of the girls used to follow us around with a cloth ! but her house was lovely to look at.

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