Nightmares that my baby is lost in my bed and in danger

[Earthgoddess22]

I have a 10 month old DS and I am pregnant again with our second baby. When DS was born, for the first 3-4 months postpartum my sleep was disturbed every night with nightmares.

I dream that my DS is lost in my bed I am suffocating him, he’s falling from my bed (which is higher up in my nightmare and the floor is hard like cement - it’s not it’s carpet!). Another one is that DS’ car seat falls out of my car as I forget to close the door or strap him in, he falls out on a dual carriageway and I watch him get ran over.

All of these nightmares are so distressing, I wake up and actively look for my son shouting and gripping DH thinking I am pulling DS back into bed/the car. I shout at DH that our son is lost in the bed and he’s suffocating we need to move.
I can’t get back to sleep easily, as I really believe these things are happening at the time and my heart is racing. DH has started sleeping on the sofa. Has anyone else had this???????

If it’s hormonal for me, I can’t take the rest of this pregnancy and 3-4 months postpartum having these dreams every night. But know I can’t go on medication or anything for it either as I am pregnant. I also feel that my HV won’t be able to do anything

This used to happen to me all the time when all of my dc were babies. It's incredibly distressing. I think it's hormones. Not sure what to advise. I think mine eventually settled down and stopped on their own. Its horrible though.

That’s awful OP, how distressing for you. I think I would try to look in to something like hypnotherapy for the time being.

There was a thread in AMA recently by a hypnotherapist and it was really informative. You may be able to access the root of your fears and work on them.

There are specific perinatal mental health charities that could help you, you may also have dedicated mental health support in the NHS that you self refer to. If your GP is supporti, they might be able to help from a sleep disorder perspective.
It sounds exhausting and distressing, I hope you find some support x

Have had these dreams on and off since my children were born they were more frequent when I was sleep deprived in the baby days but even now 9 years on I get them every now and again. No advice but you’re not alone .

No solution, but I had the exact same with the bedsheets. I'd be frantically searching for her and it would be terrifying. They gradually faded by about month four but they were awful, especially as at the time I thought I was going insane for even having them. But I think the hyper aware state you're in after having a new baby brings all your worst fears to the surface, and from speaking to friends they are really common which made me feel better. I remember going for a walk with my baby in a sling, seeing a seagull in the sky and my first thought was 'that seagull is going to steal my baby,' so the panic wasn't even confined to dreams!

Good luck with the new baby, we are also due in October and I hope I'll not have as many weird dreams this time, but have prepped DH to be on board to calm me down and rationalise - last time I was so terrified I didn't even tell him for ages.

I used to get these when my dc's were tiny. I think it's a combination of sleep deprivation and hormones. They're horrible but did tail off.

Had this with my DS also. I would wake up screaming for him and crying, it was so distressing. I would dream my DH and MIL were taking him away from me. That and horrendous night sweats, think it was hormonal and once I started getting more sleep and gaining confidence (first child) it stopped.

I'm the same, esp at the beginning.

Intrusive thoughts too for instance, every time I went to walk through a door holding my baby I would have a flash of a thought that I would smack their head on the doorframe, or fall down the stairs with them in hand ...

I'ts completely normal and is your subconscious being overly alert.

im not sure what there is to be done to fix it...I find talking about it & saying it out loud helped me . It's eased off now thankfully, although still occasionally happens

I had the same dream about baby being lost in the bed and my mother told me it was very common.

I had these dreams for a long time after my DD was born and would be disturbed most nights. Its a terrible sensation. At the time I was working in child protection ( although maternity leave obviously ). After about 9 months of it I spoke to the GP about it who referred me to the local mental health services. ( she was very doubtful that they would be able to do anything ) I had a phone assessment and although I did not meet the threshold for treatment I was offered 6 sessions of EMDR because of the nature of my job. Im so, so grateful for it. EMDR is not hypnotherapy but it’s a technique using eye movement and re-programming the brain. Probably took 4 sessions to resolve the problem. Have a look at EMDR and see how much a session would be but ask for help from your HV or GP because there are effective treatments

In my dreams DD was dead and I’d suffocated her in the bed

I had this too unfortunately. I think the next 2 me crib exacerbated it because I was waking up checking the duvet hadn't moved in to her crib or she'd wriggled across.
They really are terrifying dreams to have but they went on their own at about 5 months - probably once DD was more sturdy and I was more confident and in a routine with her

It's a shame dh can't stay in bed with you and reassure you. It doesn't seem a big ask.

I would have exactly the same dream and be searching the bed until I taught myself to check the Moses basket first.

I also used to imagine I walked into the doorframe and smashed their head on it and I was quite a confident parent.

I think it was lack of sleep for the nightmares and intrusive thoughts for the day time ones.

Blimey i never knew it was this common. I had this too, it was awful. I used to wake dh up looking for my babies (who weren't even there, they were in NICU) .

I am really tired today the irony is DS sleeps through. It seems DH can’t empathise that I really do believe this is happening and it’s horrible. Can only focus on the fact I’ve woken him and grabbed him and disturbed his sleep.

I had these dreams too! I thought it was just me! I used to wake up sweating and scrabble around in the bed desperately searching for my daughter when she was fast asleep in her crib beside the bed!
I think they must be caused by a mix of hormones & sleep deprivation. Hope they stop soon for you as they are very upsetting.

Same happened to me. Distressing but normal

I had a similar dream. I'd be frantically looking in the duvet for my baby, and DH would be staring at me like I'd gone mad since DC was asleep in the cot next to our bed.

I had exactly the same nightmares. Awful.

Absolutely! My DH suffered with dreams like this and I’d have to settle both of them at various point in the night! Just a simple “no she’s in her crib, I can see her, go back to sleep”

I would also suggest exploring this with a hypnotherapist or EMDR is also a great suggestion. There is so much in the primal instincts that we have as mothers and the messages we take on from other places but we can trace those messages in our subconscious and replace them with thoughts affirmations and reassurances that calm our dreams.

I have never coslept and I still have these dreams. Sit bolt upright when I wake up and scrabble around under the duvet before looking over the cot and the baby there.

K@Earthgoddess22 in all fairness it is horrific when someone's wakes you from a dead sleep grabbing you and screaming. In his situation I wouldn't sleep next to you at all until this ends. It's not fair on you because you have the horrible nightmare but it's also not fair on him.

Would you be happy to have him do that to you.

You can't help it

But you can sleep apart

I don't blame him sleeping on the sofa. Probably the only place he can sleep without you grabbing him