Nightmares that my baby is lost in my bed and in danger

[Earthgoddess22]

I have a 10 month old DS and I am pregnant again with our second baby. When DS was born, for the first 3-4 months postpartum my sleep was disturbed every night with nightmares.

I dream that my DS is lost in my bed I am suffocating him, he’s falling from my bed (which is higher up in my nightmare and the floor is hard like cement - it’s not it’s carpet!). Another one is that DS’ car seat falls out of my car as I forget to close the door or strap him in, he falls out on a dual carriageway and I watch him get ran over.

All of these nightmares are so distressing, I wake up and actively look for my son shouting and gripping DH thinking I am pulling DS back into bed/the car. I shout at DH that our son is lost in the bed and he’s suffocating we need to move.
I can’t get back to sleep easily, as I really believe these things are happening at the time and my heart is racing. DH has started sleeping on the sofa. Has anyone else had this???????

If it’s hormonal for me, I can’t take the rest of this pregnancy and 3-4 months postpartum having these dreams every night. But know I can’t go on medication or anything for it either as I am pregnant. I also feel that my HV won’t be able to do anything

I can't believe how many people have experienced this I thought I was going mad.

My DH also woke one night rummaging through the sheets for the baby (I was still pregnant) really scary but I still remember how it felt to wake and truly believe the baby was somewhere in the bed

I didn't realise how common this is. I can't offer any real solutions but I can empathise as I struggled with this too. Are you early in your pregnancy OP? I had a lot of vivid nightmares in the first trimester with my first but it settled. Then I had the nightmares you describe where I'd be frantically searching for him in the duvet in the early weeks PP. I can't remember how long it lasted. Second time I didn't have the early pregnancy nightmares but did have the PP ones again. I think it lasted until about 8 weeks with him. It definitely felt hormonal for me. I just left them to settle by themselves but I don't think it was as intense for me as it is for you. You're definitely not alone though.

In my dream I dropped the baby and she disappeared into the shag carpet. I would get down on my knees and scratch through the carpet fibers trying to find her.
I eventually got the shag taken up, put in a grasscloth and the dreams stopped.

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What a lovely response.

@TeaWithFlorence oh come on! It's horrible being woke up from a dead sleep by someone screaming they can't find whatever and grabbing you. It really puts you into fight or flight.

She can't help it

But he can sleep elsewhere to get away from her. He needs to sleep too!!

@TeaWithFlorence so should he just stay in the bed with someone who is having night terrors, wondering whether or not he'll be woke up by her screaming ?

Should a husband support his wife? Yes.

Luckily for me, my dh stayed in the bed with me and if i woke him up he would remind me that the dc were in hospital/not in the bed and i could go back to sleep.

He didn't mind because he loves me and knew that there's no way id wake him up normally so something was clearly going on that i couldn't help.

It's like a night terror. The op can't help it. Id think less of my husband if he decamped to the sofa, because if he needed me in the same way i would help him.

@TeaWithFlorence you've clearly never been woken up day in day out from a dead sleep then.

I know she can't help it but he has a choice where he can sleep and if he isn't getting any sleep because of her night terrors it makes sense he sleeps elsewhere

Sorry this is happening to you. I also had these dreams and would wake up frantically patting the bed to find the baby, shaking for ages afterwards. It must be our worst fears playing out in our dreams. Would it help when you go to sleep for the night to tell yourself the baby is safe asleep in their cot? I used to read on my phone during night feeds to try and prevent nodding off over the baby and make sure I stayed awake enough to put them back in their cot.

Yes, at one point both DH and I were having exactly the same when DS was a baby!

Horrible at the time but funny in retrospect. Our best one was when DH woke up shouting 'He's dead, he's dead!' and I (half asleep) mistook my boobs for DS and started madly flapping them up and down to 'revive' him.

DS in his moses basket slept through the whole thing.

Yes it does make sense DH should move. He’s not a saint and I wouldn’t be too happy being woken up either. On the flip side it’d be easier for me if DH was a supportive presence rather than telling me to get off him and that DS isn’t in bed don’t be ridiculous

thanks for letting me know I’m not alone in it, it’s so frightening. I think it’d be easier if I wasn’t here sometimes. Hormones are horrible

Yes this happened with my first for the first few months - but not the second, funnily enough.

Well happy I had a supportive husband even though he had 9 months of it.

👍🏼 Happy for you too @Divebar2021