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Parenting

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Original poster

I'm such a bitch. I just smacled my DS1 so hard on his bum, it's left a mark

28 replies

suchashitmother · 14/01/2008 15:09

He's potty training at the moment so is running around with nothing on his bottom. He is not quite 3.

He has been driving me mental all day. He has just (on purpose) tipped his drink on the floor in the sitting room, so I lost my rag and smacked him once on the bottom. I then left the room to calm down.

When I came back in, there is a small, but angry-looking purple mark on his little bottom. Oh God, I can't believe it. I am sobbing.

I hate smacking, there is no excuse. I shouldn't have done it. How can I ever live with it. The guilt I feel right now is overwhelming. I have just given him a big hug and said sorry, and he is quite happily playing at the moment.

Please feel free to tell me what at shit mother I am.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

berolina · 14/01/2008 15:11

You shouldn't have done it but your horrified reaction shows you you are not a shit mother.

I expect quite a few MNers have been there, or close.

oliviaelanasmum · 14/01/2008 15:11

Dont be silly, everyone has bad days, you are not a bad mum.
Im a smacker and not ashamed to admit it

HuwEdwards · 14/01/2008 15:11

Nah, sorry, but 1 smack does not a shit mother make.

Have a cup of tea.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 14/01/2008 15:12

You are NOT a shit mother.

It's just that very few Mumsnetters will admit to ever having smacked even though a majority undoubtedly have.

Forgive yourself and plan an alternative reaction for next time so you are ready with it. Smacking really isn't v. effective as a punishment in the long term anyway, pc issues aside.

Original poster

suchashitmother · 14/01/2008 15:13

I have smacked him twice before, but only when I have been at the end of my tether with him. I hate it as a form of punishment, and then it's "only" been a tap on the hand

I need to control my temper.

Horrified is not the word.

I will never, ever do this again.

OP posts:

FoghornLeghorn · 14/01/2008 15:13

Not shit at all. I'm sure we've all been there and if people don't admit that then i'm sure they've been pretty close.

Lauriefairycake · 14/01/2008 15:14

You're not a bitch

You had one bad moment, chill out and eat some cake and try not be so hard on yourself

I don't agree with smacking either but let up on the guilt everyone has bad days

Original poster

suchashitmother · 14/01/2008 15:15

I normally send him to sit in the hallway to cool off for a bit, or I do toy removal, but I have done this 'til blue in the face today with no effect.

OP posts:

FoghornLeghorn · 14/01/2008 15:15

It's not a case of controlling your temper, I have been there with DD1 when you just don't know what else to do !
I try now to stop and think before I react to soemthing she does, I find by the time I've thought about it I've cooled down enough to find another way to deal with it.

It is hard sometimes !

Lauriefairycake · 14/01/2008 15:17

Look, sometimes you need to enforce punishments for hours - surely you've seen that supernanny one with the naughty step episode that went on for 3 hours

If you pick a battle, you have to win it, keep enforcing the punishments you have been working with til the end of time - you are the adult, your will is stronger

Original poster

suchashitmother · 14/01/2008 15:17

but I have left a mark on his little bottom

OP posts:

Lauriefairycake · 14/01/2008 15:20

Look, I'm not trying to make you feel better though I am trying to as well but are you sure the mark wasn't there before ?

usually purple indicates a yesterday injury not immediately?

SuperGrrrl · 14/01/2008 15:20

my mother smacked me once. i don't hate her, i wasn't mentally scarred, she was a great mother.

tell them you're sorry that you lost your temper, that hitting is naughty, and forget about it.

elesbells · 14/01/2008 15:21

I've done it. I think lots of people have or at least come close.

Agree with others, don't be so hard on yourself (and have that large slice of cake) They drive you to distraction sometimes don't they?

Original poster

suchashitmother · 14/01/2008 15:22

I don;t know.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't there before

It'll serve as a reminder why I need to count to 10 when DS1 is being "challenging"

OP posts:

stripeytiger · 14/01/2008 15:36

Your not a shit mother ok, you're a caring mother and that's why you have posted on here. Don't feel bad. I used to get a wooden spoon around the back of my legs or my bum on a regular basis and I adored my mum. Not saying that smacking is right, I smack mine sometimes, not proud of it, but I do it. Sometimes we mothers just lose it, no-one is perfect.

Original poster

suchashitmother · 14/01/2008 15:37

DS1 is being particularly difficult today, and with PMT and period pain thrown into the mix, I am on the edge!

I still feel horrible

OP posts:

lazarou · 14/01/2008 15:43

Would you prefer it if everyone had a right go at you?

Kewcumber · 14/01/2008 15:46

you were a shit mother for about 30 seconds. I have been equally shit for longer periods than that. Thankfully the longer periods in between count for more.

Meeely2 · 14/01/2008 15:48

If that makes u a shit mother, then I am way worse than you (ner ner nee ner ner).

Yesterday my 3yo twins asked for dinner, so i reheated the shep pie that i had prepared for them earlier (ok for those of you that know me, that DH prepared earlier)....placed it in front of them - "don't like that" was one response and "i want peas" was the other. i ignored the negative response and clung to the positive "i want peas", so i trots off gleefully to nuke some peas.

Delivers said peas, trots off to so summut else....come back not been touched..."are you gonna eat that?" "don't like it"

I completely flipped out - simply fed up of making a decent dinner (ok dh making a decnet dinner) for them not to eat it. I threw plates round kitchen, screamed, shouted, slammed doors......boys just sat at their table sobbing.

I win on fruit loop status i'm afraid!

ginnedup · 14/01/2008 15:50

Don't beat yourself up. I've done it too, and left and handprint, I'm ashamed to admit.
The fact that you are so upset proves your not a shit mother, you are a good mother who is having a bad day.
Have a nice cup of tea and move on from it.

lazarou · 14/01/2008 15:53

lol @ meeely

mummyvontummy · 14/01/2008 15:56

I've smacked dd once, and she told her nursery teachers! That taught me! You are not a bad mum, believe me, we've all done it at least once! Or something on par if people are v anti-smacking! Worst thing I ever did was full on drag her by the wrist along the pavement because she wouldn't walk, and not only did her poor little wrist nearly dislocate, but I left finger marks round it too-I sobbed my heart out! We all snap sometimes, but it is the rest of the time they remember as long as the good outweighs the bad, I promise xx

BITCAT · 14/01/2008 16:05

The mark will soon fade, so don't worry we all lose it now and again with the children. And i do smack my children, a smack at the right time now and again can do wonders, all children are different, my definately need it others may not. Its personal choice, i was smacked and never did me any harm, trust me there will be no lasting effects. Don't feel bad at all we are human

frumpygrumpy · 14/01/2008 16:17

We all get driven potty. Its life. I have smacked, doesn't feel good.

Keep an angelic picture of your gorgeous boy near you at all times. When he drives you crazy, look at it. Remember why you adore him. Potty training and spilt drinks fade into the background.

I used to sometimes stay over at each of my grandmothers houses. One didn't allow me to touch anything, no toys, no spillages allowed, best behaviour at all times. I was bored shitless and still don't really get on with her.

The other........boy oh boy! She'd let me help cook scones and macaroni (mess, mess, mess), she'd leave all the dishes and cuddle me up and watch an afternoon movie (Doris Day!) with the curtains shut and a bag of sweets. HEAVEN! I still adore her. She was always on my side, even when I broke her ornaments. She'd say "oh, your granda got me that in Spain.......och, never mind, nobodys hurt". I still knew I shouldn't have done it but she delivered it with such love.

Don't fret. Its done. Now get him a cloth and get him to clean up

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