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Parenting

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Original poster

Sticking at one?

39 replies

Bigfatmomma · 24/11/2004 09:56

Any parents out there without any intention of having a 2nd child? DH and I adore our 2.5yr old son and have no interest in trying for another child. People seem to think this is at best unnatural and at worst cruel to DS and it makes me a tad cross I can't imagine feeling so strongly about another child as I do about DS and I don't want any more demands on me reducing my time with him. Is that so bad?

Would love to know that we're not alone in being cruel and unnatural parents

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OneTrickMummy · 26/11/2004 17:08

Bigfatmomma, oh, sorry, I meant that in the real world you get people making comments and assumptions and saying one-child parents are cruel, and that's why you might need support from other parents of sole children on this thread.

I was feeling fed-up that people couldn't resist offering their reasons why they think it's better to have more children, even though you had stated you position at the beginning of the thread.

Sorry.

Easy · 26/11/2004 17:28

I have just one son, although I have grown-up stepchildren, I regard ds as an only.

When we decided to have him, we knew we wanted just one child. I always knew he would be an 'only', and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Certainly don't agree with having another just as a playmate, buy a puppy ffs.

I think we all tend to judge others too much in this world.

My view is, it's your family, have as few children as you want.

blueteddy · 26/11/2004 17:37

I have also posted on the other thread on this subject.
Basically my dh & I decided not 2 have any more children after ds1, as 1 child was right 4 us.
We got all the comments from other people regarding how selfish we were & how u have to have more than 1 child, or they will be a spoilt brat!!
It got 2 the stage that I could not be bothered 2 argue my point any more, so when people asked I would say we hadn't ruled it out (even though we pretty much had!)
Anyway I ended up getting pregnant again while taking the pill & was devastated.
I suffered from both anti natal & post natal depression as a result & was put on ads after the birth.
I would not be without ds2 now, but life is a lot harder!
I also back up what others have said about the fact that other people still feel the need 2 comment about something.
I now get the "Oh are you not going 2 try 4 a girl?" comment a lot, even by those who knew that I only wanted 1 child & had a tough time getting my head round a second.
Do what ever is right 4 u & don't be pressured into anything by other people coz they will never be happy!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

lockets · 26/11/2004 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Bigfatmomma · 26/11/2004 19:04

Onetrickmummy, so sorry I took your comment the wrong way! Didn't get much sleep and am probably a tad oversensitive today - apologies also to Codswallop if my response was over the top.

OP posts:

sis · 26/11/2004 20:06

There are also mumsnetters who chose to have one child and are happy with that decision and didn't change their minds - I am one of them and my son is five years old. Of course I question our decision occassionally to make sure that it is still the right one for me. The questions based on assumptions about having more children have tailed off after our son turned five.

GymJunkie · 26/11/2004 20:24

AND THEN ARE US ... and I can not be the only one out there ...who are told that you can not have any more children, sorry for shouting, but some of these posts have made me mad, so Darling Boy is going to be lonely etc etc.........well I guess that I could have another, not sure what use I will be when baby no 2 and I are in the graveyard. I guess what I am trying to say is don't always presume that people stop at one from choice. Sorry but that touched a nerve.

Original poster

Bigfatmomma · 26/11/2004 21:12

Gymjunkie, sorry for any upset .

This thread was intended as a celebration of the positive aspects of having an only child - it does seem that these aren't much played up by society. Loved, secure, confident only children will make good friends who will support them through bad times and many will have families of their own. There are plenty of siblings who don't get on and have very negative relationships.

OP posts:

GymJunkie · 26/11/2004 22:51

Thanks BFM

And when I have calmed down, I will outline my situation, as it is no big secret. Strangely enough was thinking about creating a thread related to this only last week, may do so yet. I can not be the only person out there with PPCM, and NO hope of any more children.

sis · 27/11/2004 17:16

GymJunkie, was it my post that upset you? if so, I am very sorry but I was trying to explain that whist the situation described by codswallop may apply to some people it didn't apply across the board and I certainly wasn't trying to imply that my situation applied to all parents with only one child.

I am very, very sorry and sad if your family size is not as large as you would want it to be and that it is dictated by medical circumstances. I hope you will feel able to post more about it so that we can all learn and make fewer assumptions on other people's life choices.

posyhairdresser · 27/11/2004 17:53

People will make comments to you if you have anything other than 2 children, one of each sex.

No kids will be remarked on
One kid will be remarked on
2 boys - you must want a girl?
2 girls - you must want a boy?
3 or more kids - one of those weird "large" families

So really, only 1 of each will do. and then you might get the age gap wrong...

posyhairdresser · 27/11/2004 17:56

Also if you do not lose your pregnancy weight quickly people will ask if you are pregnant & be unembarrassed when you are not -well, you can see why I asked, can't you?

GymJunkie · 27/11/2004 18:52

SIS

No it wasn't you, it wasn't really any one in particular, it was a comment here and a comment there in a lot of the posts. I was probably out of order and I have checked back several times today and as far as I could see I had killed the thread. Delighted to see it has been revived and my petulance hasn't killed it. It does hurt perodically and BTW PPCM stands for Post Partum Cardiomyopathy, would be interested to know if I am the only one on here, but that is another thread. Much love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxx

aloha · 27/11/2004 18:55

Really sorry about your medical condition. It must be very painful for you. It's all very well to blithely talk about choice as I have, but of course, as you point out, not everyone has that choice. I know there are other mumsnetters who cannot have more children for medical reasons - some on the special needs board who have been told there may be a genetic problem, others who have other medical conditions themselves. Why not start a new thread on it? I don't know if anyone has your exact condition but there are others out there who will know how you feel.

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