Don’t know what I’m doing wrong, can’t do this

[Geordielass1987]

good evening, I hope you’ve all had a lovely bank hol.
ive contemplated writing this post for so long but I’m desperate now, I have a 4 year old daughter and a 7 month old baby girl. 4 year old has had her time of tantrums and colic as a baby and sleepless nights and all that, got through that absolutely fine.

my 7 month old, I have never met a child so miserable. I want to take her to the hospital for a full body check because something must be wrong for her to be so unhappy and moany 24/7. Every sleep is a contact sleep I can’t put her down, she’s in bed with me at night my husband is in the spare room. I miss him and our relationship. He works a lot but if he’s home he’s helping, house work cooking whatever he really is good. Not selfish at all I know I’m lucky. My baby cries all day and all night, suspected cmpa as a newborn so she’s still on the appropriate formula for that. I use mam bottles, I don’t think it’s colic. She’s never happy and I don’t know what to do anymore. My heart is so heavy I have a very lucky life I have no other worries really but she moans from the minute she wakes up til she eventually admits defeat and sleeps. Sorry I know this is long but I have no idea what to do now, thank you for reading.

I didn't want to read and run although I have no words of wisdom for you I'm afraid. Just wanted to offer solidarity as I had a baby like that who unfortunately remained that way until 18 months. The doctor insisted there was nothing wrong. She's actually turned out to be the most chilled child of our three weirdly enough. I know that doesn't help you right now though.

What's your family support like? What's a typical day like in terms of getting out and about? I pretty much turned into a recluse for the first two years of her life. She wouldn't tolerate car seats, prams, slings etc either. Looking back I wish I'd tried to get out of the house on my own a bit more while my husband took over, even if just for a 20 minute walk to clear my head.

Bless you, sounds so so tough.

So my DS was a pretty miserable baby, who would only contact sleep, cried a lot and didn’t like being put down at all. They key thing that made me realise it was his temperament as opposed to a medical problem was that it was situational (and that cutting a lot of allergens out of my diet had very little effect). He did have spells of being really cheerful - if we were out in a busy place with him facing forward in the sling or if we were at a baby class for example. During our day to day existence at home though he was permanently crying or fussing or whinging. Is yours literally never happy? If so I’d seek further medical advice - what do you mean by appropriate formula for example? I’m not an expert but I know some have a minute amount of allergen where as some are completely free.

The good news is, if it’s just a case of a baby hating being a baby, it’ll get better. As soon as DS could walk and talk he become a joy and has been a pretty easy toddler since. There is a good Facebook group for high needs baby support x

My firstborn was like this. It's also part of the reason why he'll now be an only born. All I can say is, it generally does get better. He's 3.5 now and about the average amount of moany/whingy for his age I'd say. From the point he started walking (which in itself was quite late I think, around 15 months) things started to improve. Some babies just really don't like being babies 🤷🏼‍♀️

Which formula is she on? Not all medical formula is dairy free some of it just has milk protein broken down a bit. Go and ask on the CMPA Facebook group for advice.

Agree worth rechecking the formula, some babies are still intolerant on EHF and you need an amino acid based formula instead . Could she have other co existing allergies ?
soy or egg for example?

is she sleeping enough? You say you contact nap and co sleep - is baby still
overtired? Personally I’d think about sleep training, if she’s miserable anyway it can’t hurt to try and see if it helps improve things.

sounds awful tho, truly you have my sympathies xx

I don't know much about this but the granddaughter of a friend of mine was a miserable baby and she had cranial osteopathy which helped massively....you'd need to check it out with eg your GP but I thought it was worth a mention....it might be total woo but the grandmother is not a woo believer and she was impressed.

Thank you so much for all your words I definitely feel less alone.
i probably should of added we have zero family support, my mum and dad walked out on me when I was a toddler and I was raised by a lovely mum and dad who are no longer with me sadly. My husbands family don’t really have the time for us which is sad but it is what it is.
i do get some time for myself when my husband is home he’s fine to run solo, I know how important it is to keep myself well and mentally well for my kids, we have two lovely dogs who bring so much happiness to our home that I will escape to walk which I love.

i try to get out most days to the park or a baby group and we have a nice garden with a giant swing slide tree house thing and a trampoline and football goals so we have lots of fun, well my older girl does until I have to pick the baby back up again normally around 5 minutes. Baby seems to be happy when being held so you’re right it’s probably more just needy than medical issue. So I took her to the doctors with the cmpa, they gave aptamil pepti, didn’t help still the same issues, so I swopped to a soy based formula and that’s good I think! No more pulling legs up, skin rashes, puffy face etc. sorry I’ve just realised how long this is!!

yes I’m going to do some research into the best form of sleep training because I am desperate and like you say it can’t make it any worse! And I will look into a cranial person, it’s got to be worth trying, I’ll try anything now. I’m so miserable but I’m doing everything I can to not show that and be happy because I know they can pick up on that and I don’t want that. If you made it this far please get yourself a drink 😂

My son was like this he had silent reflux and a dairy allergy which complicated matters. Are you feeding during the night. Ds stopped waking as much once food stopped being offered. What worked for us was laying him down drowsy. Not picking him up but rather leaning in to him so he had the cuddle but in his cot. Then we gradually reduced the amount of contact to a hand on on chest and to no contact but in the room. Until eventually leaving the room. Took about five weeks but did work and then he started sleeping 730-630. And if he woke before he would just babble ti himself. However in order to survive the lack of sleep before we cracked it we tag teamed. I slept 7-1 dh slept 1-7. So we both got 6 hours. And at weekend we each slept till 10am.

Sorry I should of added I have tried infant gaviscon, I used that for a couple of months but it didn’t seem to make any difference other than adding constipation into the mix making things even worse. Things have definitely got to give, my husband has been off the last few days and has said he doesn’t know how I cope and I think that’s made me realise I need to change something or at least try.

Quite possibly reflux,
have you tilted the cot and pram?

Go to gp for omerprazole

My son was the same. Honestly it was a nightmare. I don't have much advice because we tried EVERYTHING and nothing really worked. It eventually got easier as he got past a year or so of age. He's 2 next month and still a pain 😁 but no more than a normal toddler. He was just so unhappy as a baby! Hope it gets better for you soon OP

Does sound like reflux, omeprazole is the best. Takes about a month to work. My baby was a different baby once it kicked in.

my baby is currently a similar age and at the moment wants to walk a lot with me holding him. Could it be something like that? Maybe he wants to move around more? Does he like his toys?

@Geordielass1987 Don't think I've any advice you haven't already got, so just <<hugs>> instead. Tc, xx

@Geordielass1987 i might be wrong but I’m pretty sure soy based formula isn’t recommended for babies under 1…. And also approx 50% of babies that have CMPA have an allergy to soya as well.

dont feel guilty about sleep training, unless you’ve had a baby like this people don’t understand. My DD was utterly miserable as a baby, she was chronically over tired. I would spend hours and hours rocking her to sleep whilst she was screaming/ thrashing and she’d sleep for maybe 20 mins at a time. Sleep trained and it was the best thing we ever did. She transformed into a happy wee soul and now at 21 mo is a great sleeper.

If you do think it's reflux, there are alternatives to gaviscon that are much more effective and don't cause constipation. But we thought we were dealing with reflux and it actually turned out to be coeliac disease, so do go back to the gp if you think there might be something else wrong.

My DS, now 20mo, has been miserable since he was 8mo... He's high needs, just an extremely sensitive boy. He needs full attention all the time but even then he's not happy... I have been tempted to think there's something 'wrong' so many times - reflux, ear problems, developmental ... Except that he's absolutely lovely, easy and happy at school.

Since I've stopped looking for what's 'wrong' or for solutions (what should I be doing? What can I change? What method?) and starting looking at him as a child who is having a really hard time I feel more sympathetic and patient. I just found redirecting my energy away from trying to fix him (eg. we've tried night weaning about 400 times and he won't have it) towards accepting and comforting him has made me happier. I don't mean I'm some kind of Saint and am all-axcepting at all times. Just a shift in my approach. it's still really bloody hard work!

Earache?

Keep a diary of techniques that work and try going back to things at a later date. This was partially successful for me with a high needs baby.

Music really helped my baby at times when I was exhausted.

Babies definitely keep you on your toes!good luck

My nearly 7 month dd is the same, she takes omeprazole which helps the reflux.
We contact nap and co sleep and she is ebf but just started weaning.
ive accepted she's a sensitive soul, she finds things difficult and needs A LOT of reassurance which at this age seems to mean contact with me or My husband.

Reading about high needs babies helped x

the formula is a soy formula specifically from birth, it’s Sma and says from birth on the front of the tin however I did check with our local prescribing pharmacist to see if they knew of any reasons it wouldn’t be suitable and they came back to me and said it was fine.
she had such a bad rash as a baby, puffy face blotchy skin this all changed when I put her on this formula.
she is ok in the pram and isn’t bothered about being laid down as long as someone is there around constantly. I don’t particularly think it’s reflux but it has got to be worth trying so I will ask for some omeprazole, thank you. I just feel like this is my life forever and it’s so hard. She likes toys but only for a few minutes and she takes great joy in stealing her sisters toys!

Soya formula isn’t suitable for under 6 months old. Over 50% of babies with cmpa are allergic to soya. Have you seen a paediatrician or a park dietitian?

I know it might sound a little random but book in to take the baby to a chiropractor. I swear by them. I have 3 girls (5 and 3 year old twins) and they all went as babies. She just looks little she's tickling them or giving a gentle cuddle / massage. The difference is believable. The one with colic was particularly good after treatment. I still take them all occasionally now. Good luck x

My DS was an utterly miserable baby, he cried or shouted for the first 10 months of his life. Then he learnt to walk at 10 months and overnight (and I mean overnight) he transformed into the happiest most easy going child we could imagine and still is at 6yo. Since that day parenting him has been really easy, I really hope that you have a similar transformation.

@Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas first of all I love your user name haha,
sorry if I’ve got this wrong but it is SMA WYSOY which says on the tin suitable from birth. Surely this can’t be wrong as the laws regarding formula in the uk are so strict a big company like that wouldn’t claim it’s suitable from birth if it isn’t. No haven’t seen a paediatrician, GP has entirely brushed me off said there was no allergy in the first place but prescribed pepti to make me feel better basically. I’m worried to take her to the doctors and explain how things are and then the doctors think I’m not coping and it becoming a safe guarding issue. Will definitely book in with chiropractor all of the adults in our family go and have plans it’s got to be worth a go. Thank you so much for all the support ❤️

Sorry - I know it’s not what you want to hear but I feel the need to back up the pp who says that soya formula isn’t recommended.

My DD has a dairy allergy and her dietician (NHS allergy clinic dietician) also says that soya is not considered to be a good replacement formula/drink for babies/toddlers.

Firstly, it’s a common allergen and many children with dairy allergy can’t tolerate soya. The digestion issues related to soya could be a source of discomfort so I really think this is worth changing as it could be affecting your baby’s temperament.

Secondly, soya in large amounts over a long period of time has been shown to meddle with hormone levels.

From 12 months you could give her fortified oat milk to drink and use highly fortified cereals like Ready Brek to counteract the lack of dairy in her diet. For now, you need to insist that GP prescribes a hypoallergenic formula.