When did you leave baby with other people?

[Sprat12]

Not what I would really want to be doing at this early stage, but as a household we are struggling.

Newborn is 6 weeks old today. I am isolating in the spare room with covid. DH has been dealing with DS brilliantly, though after a few days of me isolating he could do with a break to catch up on sleep as he has done all the night feeds and 24/7 care for DS.

Friend has offered to have DS for a few hours this afternoon to give DH a break. DH is reluctant, thinks DS is still too small to be away from us, which is a very sweet sentiment but I'm concerned he is going to burn himself out. Said friend has two young children and is more than competent with babies.

WWYD?

I left my DS with my DM for a couple of hours when he was about two weeks old ... I am sure your DS will be fine with your friend.
And I can fully appreciate that you feel the need to be separated from your baby if you are feeling so rough with Covid ... and why on earth shouldn't your DH (the baby's father!) take charge.

Some of these comments are really unkind to a new mother who is clearly very unwell with Covid and hasn't exactly chosen to be separated for her DC to go on holiday or out drinking! A new born baby is bound to be vulnerable and she doesn't want him to get Covid. Stop making her feel worse.

My in laws had my baby for a few hours while my husband and I went out for lunch for our wedding anniversary.
My MIL suggested it ( she def just wanted baby cuddles haha)
She slept the whole time. She was 3 weeks old.
I think if it's for a few hours do it but I also get why ur oh doesn't want to. Maybe he feels its a slight on his ability to cope?

Newborn babies are actually not vulnerable to COVID, they're pretty much the least vulnerable group! The virus isn't harmful to them, but separation from their mothers is. We're not talking about a night out, we're talking about a week or more. It's a huge overreaction in the face of a minor risk.

The OP is too sick to care for her child. So STFU.

Btw OP mine was 2 months. Though she had been cared for her father who did it solely on his own for hours at a time by then.

My baby was.. drum roll please.. 7 days old when my MIL looked after them so me and dp could sleep! Zero regrets.

Im actually going away overnight this weekend and my baby is currently..extra dramatic drum roll.. 12 weeks old!! I'm with my gorgeous pudding pie all the time but after this weekend she would have stayed with grandparents overnight a total of 3 times. She's also gone during the day for a few hours so I could go to the dentist, do housework and run errands.

I have a massive hands on extended family and we're all hands on with eachothers babies and kids.

No I don't think any damage will occur to my baby as a result. If that was the case then 90% of the people on the planet have this alleged damage. Being able to stay with your baby 24/7 for months on end is a massive privilege and actually very rare for most outside of this country.

In most cultures grandparents, aunts and uncles watch babies whilst their parents work. In the US most mums go back to work from 6 weeks old.
In Asian and African countries the same thing happens.

I don't believe that all those millions upon millions of babies are damaged for life and its only British babies who are with their mums 24/7 that have undamaged kids.

I mean look at our mental health crisis and crime rate ffs!!

Anyway rant over. Baby will be fine.

The OP is too sick to care for her child. So STFU

Being too sick to care for your child is one thing. I hope OP feels better soon and it's good that her DH is able to look after the baby.

But isolating completey away from a newborn for presumably 10 days(?) in the face of a miniscule risk I find absolutely staggering. It's not unkind to question whether that is necessary or desirable for either party.

It is fine for your friend to look after your baby but honestly I would go and give them a massive cuddle, as PP had said they're low risk for covid and even if you can't be doing the care I wouldn't isolate from them.

Not breastfeeding and sharing the care 50-50 is fine. Breastfeeding meaning the mum has to do the lion's share is also fine. Just putting that in there as it came across a bit snide.

When my dts were 3 days old I came down with a horrendous cold and was banned from nicu for 5 days. does that make me the worst parent ever?

That's not really the same scenario at all. Medical professionals asked you to stay away from your DCs who were in special care, presumably due to a discernible clinical risk. OP is isolating from her DS for almost no clinical risk, for longer than 5 days. I'll await her telling us that she was advised to by a medical professional but I'd honestly find that hard to believe. Having had covid twice with a newborn I was never advised to isolate from them.

I'm not saying there are no reasons to ever leave your baby, or that a newborn will be scarred for life by being left with someone else for a while - my LO is away with my parents at the moment and has regularly been babysat etc from a young age. I'm just saying that in the OPs situation I don't think isolation is necessary or desirable.

The "it's just a cold" fraction really needs to look into the fact that this is still an unknown pathogen with unknown long term outcomes. It has been proven to cause brain damage/shrinking even after mild or subclinical infections and repeated infections will increase this risk. So despite newborns not getting that ill initially, we have no way of knowing whether it would predispose the baby to early onset dementia or cardiovascular disease because it simply hasn't been around for that long. The OP is perfectly reasonable to not want her newborn exposed if the alternative is just as safe which it seems to be.

With my first son he was probably about 7 months old and I hated it. I had no choice though because I had a hospital appointment that he couldn’t attend.

With my second son, he was 4 months old and went to PIL. My PIL lives on the same street as us, only 10 doors away, and I cried the minute I left their house. I lasted an hour before I had to go and get him.

My advice is that if your DH feels your baby is too young and he doesn’t want to be separated then don’t push it.

If it was a father putting pressure on the mother to be apart from her 6 week old baby when she didn’t want to be due to the age of the baby, then there’d be uproar. And rightly so.

Honestly accept the offer of a few hours. Most babies that age wouldn't even notice! My husband is also very protective like that :D

Personally we were probably 2 or 3 months before we left him. I was EBF tho and he couldn't be away from me for more than a couple of hours. I would have done it sooner if we could!

I wouldn't be isolating from your baby. Unless baby was very poorly at birth I'd just carry on.

Fwiw my daughter was basically born with a cold because I had one when I gave birth. She had all sorts of things in the first few months including norovirus thanks to her older brother.

You don't need to isolate from your baby.

It's up to your DH, he's the one doing the parenting right now.

Sorry this isn't answering the question but I really disagree with the comments about the OP overreacting by isolating when she has Covid. She is clearly feeling very poorly and hard being away from.her baby so doesn't need judgement on top of that. They've obviously decided as their family unit what is best for them and I don't see any harm in it, baby isn't being left with strangers, their other parent is caring for them!

I got Covid when my little one was 9 weeks old, unfortunately little one caught it as I was exclusively breastfeeding so wasn't able to isolate. Little one was very poorly resulting in a hospital stay, on oxygen etc. Little one was a full-term baby, no precursors to indicate would get so poorly (had previously a bad cold a 2 weeks old and had recovered well). I understand this may not be the norm maybe as most babies are fine with Covid, but some are not. It was the absolute worst week of my life so far and although we were so lucky that little one is now okay, so I can absolutely understand a family wanting to avoid this.

In regards to baby going out with your friend, it's such a personal decision to you and your partner to make. But if it would he helpful for your partner to have a break then it sounds like it would be good.

Never have and never would.

Never?

My DD has never been left with anyone apart from DH and nursery staff when she started at 13.5 months. She is almost 3 now. I wouldn’t have left her with anyone at 6 weeks.

I can’t fathom isolating from a 6 week old, bonkers behaviour. When we had Covid as a household we didn’t isolate from each other, just other people.

Mine is 11 month and I've still not left him. If your comfortable then go for it but I'm not.

Surely that's extreme to have never left your DC in 11 months? . Don't you ever wonder how your DC woukd cope if you were rushed into hospital or died? I was always very conscious that I never wanted my DS to be entirely reliant on me.

@Sprat12 I’d isolate if I were in your shoes too.

unfortunately I’m not a “super mum” like others in this post. I was very poorly after having my little girl- now 6 months old. My mum had her over night at 3 weeks old (from 8pm-9am) so I could have a solid nights sleep. It did me the world of good and the baby was absolutely fine with my mum too. I’m sure a few hours with your friend will be fine.

I’m sure a few hours with your friend will be fine.

But the husband doesn’t want the baby to go to the friend as he feels the baby is too young.

That should be the end of the matter seeing as he’s the one currently looking after the baby.

Or do his feelings just get dismissed because he’s the father and not the mother?

How long of your isolation is left OP? If it’s not too long I’d ride it out but if it’s still a bit to go I’d really reconsider. Newborns need their mothers, your smell, your voice, your breathing.

No, I clearly am not super mum either. I currently can't lift my head off my pillow without passing out / vomiting. Why on earth I can't care for my child while I'm in this state is beyond me 🤷🏻‍♀️

For reference, I have been 'isolating' from my son since Wednesday morning. It is now Friday. Son is having a whale of a time with his Dad, with lots of snuggles and smiles, so clearly far from traumatised. He is sleeping and feeding well. When I am feeling able to, I have been going downstairs and spending time with the baby and my DH from a distance. I can assure all of you that the kid is fine; I however am not.

Truly, what I absolutely needed whilst feeling so so shitty and being away from my baby, is a slating from a bunch of holier than thou commenters. Obviously I would rather be with my child but I didn't think it was appropriate to do so as he was very poorly and in hospital for an extended stay of 10 days post birth. For this reason, I do not want to risk exposing him to getting covid.

Thanks to those posters with the useful comments regarding the actual point of the post. As it was, my DH decided against the friend taking him for a few hours today, but may well take her up on the offer tomorrow.

I'll be off back to my sick bed now and be sure to flog myself for being SUCH a terrible mother.