Super Alert Baby

[twentyeight]

Hi all,

I'd love to potentially get together an online support group for people with ridiculously alert babies!

I have a 14 week old, and the weight of parenting her is really getting heavy! I'm exhausted. I have taken a job working from home to pay for a Nanny, to give us a break. My partner has taken her on this week whilst I start the job and is already at breaking point on Tuesday.

She's really a wonderful baby. Smiley, beautiful, a quick learner. However, she's also bored within 20 seconds, refuses to sleep, has bottle aversion, frequently grumpy, will only be held in two ways, hates the outside, won't sleep in her pram (maybe getting better?), won't eat outside, hates the sling and won't have anyone else hold her other than her Mum and Dad (so no one can give us a break, hoping the Nanny cracks it).

She has been wide eyed and tracking us from birth, and has been a real handful but we initially thought that, that was just how it is.

I knew something was up at the first NCT meet when she was about 8 weeks old. The other babies were calm, semi open-eyed, drowsy and feeding happily. Mine was wide eyed, already sitting up straight, smiling at people and refusing to eat. She was the only baby that cried and wriggled around grumpily. I was SO worried and confused.

I feel endlessly trapped because she doesn't react well once out. She hates the sun, being warm, being cold, wearing a sun hat, the park....

I see so many other babies just chilling in the park. Other Mums I know go for walks daily and don't feel panicked the whole time. I frequently feel very envious.

I'd love to hear from anyone else experiencing the same.

My little was like this at 14 weeks, we couldn't figure out what was wrong, then we looked it up he was going through a leap, that particular leap was pretty hard, he refused to drink his milk, he only wanted me, always want to be held, it does pass then it got more easier, he was so alert as a baby to was very determined x

My dd was like this as a newborn/young baby. She could hold her head up from birth, was pretty much always awake during the day time and hated the carrier. Was a big squirmer. Etc. She's largely not like that anymore at 20 months. Some kids just really don't like being babies, as weird as that sounds, and settle down a bit when they gain a bit of autonomy.

DS1 was identical! It was exhausting so you have my sympathy. If it helps he really calmed down by a year and is now a very calm and relaxed 4.5 year old (but still curious and clever) ❤️

This was DD1. Luckily she liked a forward facing reclined buggy seat so we spent HOURS walking around.

Got hugely better when she could walk and then talk, though she’s still extremely alert and a light sleeper. Doesn’t ever stop talking and asks questions about everything. In hindsight there was nothing we could have done about it, it’s just her personality.

Thankfully DD2 is ridiculously laid back - still exists on hardly any sleep, but at least she’s less high needs generally.

Wow what a lovely way of looking at it! From everyone's comments it seems as soon as she can crawl we are winning! Very hopeful now.

Wow what a lovely way of looking at it! From everyone's comments it seems as soon as she can crawl we are winning! Very hopeful now.

Sounds just like my DD. From birth people would comment that she was very alert but as she is my first baby I didn't know any different.
She has wanted to be held in a standing position since 10 weeks and doesn't like being put on her playmat etc unless there is something exciting happening. She learns how toys work quickly and will lose interest in them once she has 'completed' them.
I would say she is incredibly nosey as she literally watches everything and everyone but she picks things up really fast. Were lucky as she is a very happy baby and only really cries if there is good reason.

I'm taking it as a win, even though I am absolutely run into the ground by her because she is happy.
I think she is desperate to be a bit more independent and do stuff on her own but can't because she is only 6months old and restricted by the fact she is still a baby.
Shes hard work but her personality is fab and I wouldn't change her for the world (but I would absolutely love to have a hot cup of tea, not a cold one!).

DS has always been hugely alert and held up his head from a stupidly young age. He always wanted to see what was going on.

He’s 17 months now and wildly independent. He’s very physical, sitting unaided from 5.5 months, cruised from 7 months and took his first steps at 9. That really helped as he was able to go and get the things he wanted to look at or play with.

My daughter was like this. Her personality just didn’t suit being a baby. Being able to move helped but being able to talk helped more. Best to have that kind of baby the first time round because you have more time. I got a placid teddy bear with the second baby but if he had been first and his sister second it would have shocked us. They are both very similar now though; she is more analytical and he is more instinctive but they aren’t miles apart despite being opposites as babies.

Thanks everyone! These posts have been very reassuring!
I am definitely feeling ore positive since reading them. The great thing is that every day she is a little more manageable as she gets used to the world.
Did anyone have trouble feeding thiers outside? If so, how did you combat that? We can't even go visit family. I feel bad for her poor grandparents.

I had one of those. It. Is. Hard.
Never sat and watched the world go by like the other NCT lot. Was always ON! He wouldn't be held like other babies, he was always squirming up and out so as to get a better view of the world.
Moved him into the pushchair fitting of the pram at about 3 months so he could see what was going on when we were out and about and it was the only way he would nap. Had serious FOMO.
Walking with someone holding him up by his hands at about 5 months and was very insistent about it (absolutely back breaking for me). Walking unaided from 8 months. Running from 10 months.
Had to either feed him in a dark room or if using a bottle, he'd sit bolt upright facing outwards to see what was going on.

I don't think anyone ever really believed how exhausting it was until they saw him in action. I did sometimes enjoy the wide eyes and the "wow, he really never stops, does he?" And I was just, yup, told you...

He's now 5. He's still very bright and inquisitive and full of energy, but it's now fun rather than draining. I'd say the good fun vs hard work balance consistently tipped in favour of fun by about age 3.

There came a point between 1 and 2 where everyone else's babies began to turn into toddlers and becoming hard work, whereas it just becomes easier for you. That's nice. You start to really realise how much easier they had it, and you feel better about yourself!

Swimming was good for tiring him out, from a very young age. And soft play, even though too young to really use it, it was a mega stimulating environment, especially the other kids.

And good luck!

There came a point between 1 and 2 where everyone else's babies began to turn into toddlers and becoming hard work, whereas it just becomes easier for you. That's nice. You start to really realise how much easier they had it, and you feel better about yourself!

I second all of this. DS was wildly alert, demanded permanent stimulation, couldn’t switch off, never slept and was often crying or grumpy as a newborn/baby. He’s 2 now. Still wildly alert, still difficult to switch off and still requires a shit ton of external stimulation. But actually his speech is very advanced, he finally sleeps well, he eats well and doesn’t tantrum. He’s still exhausting, but not actually a particularly difficult toddler - the others have all definitely caught up in the difficultly states! Hang on in there. I had the exact same experience at 8 weeks as you did - the other NCT newborns basically rotated between feeding and sleep. My DS wide eyed the whole time, needed permanent motion and flitted between screaming and failing to breastfeed. I went home in floods of tears - it’s SO much better than that now! X

My v alert non sleeper is 15yrs old now. She didn't like being a baby and was much happier once she could talk and walk. From 12 months, she was a doddle (never napped but was perpetually sunny) and was the easiest toddler, child and now, teen. She is bright, curious, funny, steadfast and capable.

had the same, I am hoping it gets better, but they’re 1 now and it’s absolutely exhausting. Luckily they are happy with anybody’s company - nursery has been a godsend! This long break has been knackering! Having to constantly do things to tire them out, and we don’t have family nearby. Have also started a particularly tiresome screeching phase!! Am absolutely dreading the upcoming rain as it’s easier to entertain them outside. Love them to pieces though!!

@twentyeight Hey. I know this post is from a while ago but I was wondering how your baby is doing now? Did things improve?

She sounds exactly like my 8 week old DS. Ridiculously alert. Never had that sleepy newborn stage. So different to all the NCT babies. The only way I can get him to sleep in the day is bouncing in a sling/carrier with his vision blocked off with white noise blasting on my phone. At nighttime I can feed him to sleep but it has to be pitch black with white noise. He only sleeps 1-2 hour stretches at night too. I’m getting increasingly worried for what I’ll do when he can see over the top of the carrier. He doesn’t sleep in his pram or the car - too busy looking at everything - regardless of how tired he is.

Does anyone have any tips for how to get this sort’ve baby to sleep during the day? I’m scared I’m going to be housebound in a dark room with white noise when the carrier stops working.

I'm in this!

12 week old has always been so alert. Every health care professional thats seen him has said it to me - even the midwife an hour after he was born!

Literally since he came out into the world he has been "awake" always looking, always wanting to be able to look around/ take everything in. He has NEVER conformed to the usual wake windows and is happy to be awake for hours. Doesn't cry much but is always looking and scanning the situation. It's utterly exhusting! A 10 minute cat nap does him and he is ready to rock and roll again.

Didn't realise it was an old thread but I'm in this right now so know how you feel!

Maybe try letting him have a bit of a scan of the situation instead?
i say that as the only thing that works for me is to carry him in one arm while I walk around the house doing boring things like washing his bottles or loading the dishwasher -anything one handed. It takes a while and he just watches everything very calmly but after a bit he just kinda gets bored, zones out and goes to sleep.

Worth a try maybe?

@Biscuits88 hey! So sorry to hear you’ve got one of the little monsters too. Don’t worry, it does get better I promise. Just like everyone told me on here 😂 Maybe because you get used to it or because you change perspective about what it is to have a baby. I’m really not sure.

Rest assured that it can change all of a sudden as it did for us. I suddenly realised at about 4/5 months that she was SO much easier. She still doesn’t sleep in a pram or a car seat with ease, but she LOVES being outside which makes being outside so easy. I take that as a massive plus. She can go ANYWHERE, she just won’t sleep 😂

i have found that, now she’s in the bigger baby seat for the pram, that she will eventually drop off. Unlike other parents I leave it all open for her to see the world, and she eventually passes out. I get about 30 / 40 mins out of her max. Her midday nap is always at home so she gets some good sleep in the day (she loves sleeping now that she’s in her big crib and we sleep trained her). Can’t recommended sleep training enough. I needed it to be sane!! And now she gets so much more sleep. We also had 1-2 hour wake ups.

You're so close to things like jumperoos and other things that mean you can put them down and have a life. I created a ball pit out of her old bath, with the newborn seat in, and filled it with plastic balls. Just a thought in case it buys you some time. We go out every afternoon or she does get very tetchy.

Another positive I realised the other day was that you do want a child that knows what they want. So much better than the other way round.

Very happy to chat more if you want! I know how imprisoned you feel. I felt so trapped, by every possible means. I was often in floods of tears. It’s SO hard but it will improve.

@KatyMcGhie Thank you so much for replying. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to talk to someone with a similar baby. My NCT group are lovely and they have their own struggles too but I feel like I’m living such a different experience, I feel so alone and am really struggling.

I’m so glad things have got easier for you. I was wondering about trying the more upright pram attachment soon (mine is compatible from newborn) as I do think he’ll love looking around. I’m just so anxious that it will be take him aaaages to drop off and then we end up with a cranky overtired baby. He fights sleep so much. It’s like he gets serious FOMO but is so sensitive to being overtired. How long does it take your LO to drop off in the pram? Normally when at home, I can get him to sleep 1.5-2 hours in the sling in the day but yesterday when out and about, he only managed 30 min naps and he was an absolute monster by the evening.

We’re currently cosleeping at night as I’m able to at least doze whilst I BF him lying down so I get way more rest but I’d love for him to sleep in his crib as I’m such a light sleeper, I think I’d get better quality sleep without him next to me - but I think it’ll only work once he starts doing longer stretches. What sort’ve sleep training did you do? I’m not sure I could bring myself to try cry it out. And what age did you start the sleep training?

My DC is like this. Since he was born he’s been demanding 😩. So so nosy, knows what he wants and if he doesn’t get it in 0.00001 seconds then there’s hell to pay. Gets ridiculously frustrated that he can’t crawl/move independently and every single healthcare professional (we’ve seen a lot due to cmpa) describes him as alert.
He’s nothing like any of the babies at the baby classes I’ve been to, who all lie there chilling and cooing away. He absolutely loves outside and has the poor ladies at nursery out in the garden constantly (I will have to apologise as the weather gets colder!)
it is EXHAUSTING! He’s 6 months now and we always have to have him facing out in the pram/sling and trying to get him to feed without needing to look at everything is impossible. In fact he started nursery a few weeks ago and luckily he’s weaning age as they can’t get him to drink a drop of milk and these are people with decades of experience 😂. Loves his food though.
we also have a bouncer, Jumperoo, chair with a playing station he constantly switches between when at home so I can at least eat something and sit on the sofa for a bit.
He really struggles to wind down no matter how calming and long his bedtime routine is and I can only dream of what it’s like to have a baby that falls asleep anywhere without any effort.
I would say we did have to start napping at home in the dark and quiet since he was 3 months old as out and about he won’t sleep or won’t sleep for long. It wasn’t easy but now he’ll go to sleep without a fight most times and sleeps 1-1.5 hours a nap. We will do the last nap outside though as we want that one short anyway and it’s nice going for a walk.
Going back to work for me and him going to nursery was our saviour though. I was too exhausted day to day to cope and he is really thriving there now he is getting the stimulation he craves.

@Pizzaandsushi How did you manage the baby classes? I’ve just started going to some and whilst it’s good to get out, I haven’t been able to participate in much as he needs so much constant management and I feel anxious and stressed the whole time as it’s like looking after a time bomb. He’s generally one of the most unsettled babies there.

How did you find having to be at home for his naps from 3 months? I feel like I’m going to end up having to do this but then I worry about feeling trapped and never be able to go out and miss out meeting up with my NCT group.

How did he sleep at night when younger and how is his night sleep now?

@Biscuits88 honestly? Not well. Every baby class we went to he screamed and I would be the only parent pacing the room whilst all the other parents chatted and looked at me with what felt like pity. It’s hard and all you can do is go to as many as you think you can manage and if it goes well then wonderful and if it doesn’t then be proud of yourself for going because I know how hard they can be. We did everything we could and even with great naps, good feeds, he just didn’t cope with them well.
being at home for naps was also hard and I’m ashamed to say there were many days when I’d cry and shout at my partner about not being able to do one more F-ing nap as I was sick of them and sick of being in a dark room all day after him being awake for what felt like no time at all. It got significantly better when he dropped to 3 naps around 5.5 months as it was a much more manageable amount (absolutely can’t wait for just two naps). I did my best (and often failed) to try and accept it and remember it wouldn’t last forever. I’d get him into his cot and even if things needed doing about the house. I’d make myself a big cuppa and a nice snack and watch a tv programme whilst I sat next to him or I’d put a face mask on. Anything to try and make me feel a little more like my old self and give myself the self-care I desperately needed.
His night sleep is OK. I think that’s because we worked on getting him to sleep in his cot as early as possible. He’s not a through the nighter (wakes up twice for a bottle) and in between will stir and sometimes need the dummy put back in but he will sleep. The 4 month sleep regression was BAD. He woke up every hour for weeks and it was very very hard but now he’s much better. Again still needs comforting sometimes as well as needing two feeds but I think I now fully realise this is very very normal and although the lack of sleep is probably my biggest struggle especially as I can’t fall asleep quickly like my partner, remembering he is only a baby who needs soothing and things like teething, illness from nursery and many other issues means he will wake up is a sort of comfort to me. My partner and I do shifts so we can at least get 4-5 hours of unbroken sleep each night. It is very hard though so you have my sympathies. I’ve also heard demanding babies make fantastic toddlers so I have my fingers crossed!

My daughter is like this. Has always had a major case of FOMO which means she refuses to nap or sit by herself in say her bouncer for more than about 5 minutes (I don’t mean by herself in another room I mean in her bouncer in the kitchen while you unload the dishwasher rather without singing her a song giving her 99% of your attention). She’s 6 months now and much happier now she can look around in the pram/sit in a high chair/generally just be involved in what’s going on. We were in a cafe yesterday and she was entertaining/showing off to everyone.

She’s desperate to be on the move which is when I feel we'll really be in trouble (!) but hopefully she’ll be less frustrated.

@Fleur405 my lo is like this 😂. Put him in the bouncer, in the kitchen and basically throw every toy at him to keep him busy for 2 minutes whilst I wash his bottles but eventually he’s like, nope you’ve had enough time now mummy, give me proper attention.
I also weigh less than I did pre pregnancy I do that much walking! My cardiovascular fitness has never been so good 😅.
We also saw a massive improvement in temperament at 6 months and hopefully he’ll get happier and happier as he becomes more independent.

@Pizzaandsushi Yes someone said to me a few weeks ago “my DS was super fussy yesterday - normally he’ll go in his bouncer for an hour or so while I make/eat dinner but last night he just wouldn’t stay in for more than 15 minutes”. 15 minutes in the bouncer is my actual dream!! I literally have to pee while she screams/yells at me!