Need a head wobble. Having a third child would be daft.

[MaggieFS]

I mean, we took about 18 months to confirm our decision. We are both in our early forties, met late, married late, had DC late. We both work FT just to stand still. We have filled our house. We are SO a tired. All of the time. At best, get two (short) unbroken nights sleep per week. And with our younger one now 21 months, can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Plus, especially given our ages, we are lucky to have two healthy children.

BUT our DC don't/wont have any cousins and three feels like more of a happy crew (I know they might hate each other). And suddenly everyone is having babies (again). One NCT pal is only just about to have a second. A close colleague who didn't really want children but decided on one is about to have her third. Another NCT pal is due her third.

Why are three children families and babies suddenly taunting me everywhere? I am a head over heart person.

I really wouldn't bother. Sounds like life is busy enough and if you had another you'd be committing yourself to another 3-4 or more years of extreme tiredness.

I think it's natural for you to be feeling broody with the youngest aged 21 months, but sometimes head for this is better than heart (hormones?) and it does sound as though your current set-up is good (and full on without the resources of time, money or space to spare). I am one of two with no first cousins. It's been fine. Just make sure that you build a community for your children among your good friends who have children of similar and different ages (could be university friends, family friends etc. or your cousins and their children, not just the schoolgate-now friends who may not end up lifelong) and this will help with not having cousins if you are concerned. Not having first cousins has never bothered me (and I know quite a few people who barely or don't know their first cousins and not necessarily because they are particularly far away).

Don't! If you're treading water as it is, 3 will break you.

I’m trying to talk myself out of a 4th so I hear you! It would be madness because three is an absolute shitshow. And mine are 14, 9, and 7.

And I am 40.

Absolute madness.

And yet….😬

I think you've said so yourself, you're exhausted, you have two in your 40's and aren't just trying for a first now and are only doing it out of family size guilt. Honestly don't have one. You don't have to feel guilty about the lack of siblings or cousins as the size of the family doesn't necessarily reflect the bond and if you feel you're just getting over the hill of the exhaustion perhaps take time to enjoy a bit of you time or couple time and start planning nice family holidays x

You admit you are exhausted and financially it would be a huge struggle, so why even consider it? I frequently see/read about exhausted, burnt out parents trying to juggle 2+ DC, fill time career, a dog etc etc ... seriously... why do that to yourselves? I have one DC, part time job, mortgage paid off, plenty of time for hobbies, volunteering, time to relax etc ... my choice and my life is not a frantic rush.
My DC has cousins ... but rarely (once a year?} sees a couple of them, others he has zero relationship with ... just because you have cousins doesn't mean you will get on with them.

I totally understand the lack of cousins thing. This was a major factor in why DH and I had 3 kids. However, given your list of negatives, I think 2 might be best in your circumstances. That said, I am also a fan of crazy brave!

My Auntie had another baby at 41 and her husband at 46, they are now constantly exhausted, look late 50's and cannot fully enjoy any additional holidays or alone time. My cousin won't be an adult until my uncle is retirement age.

See it like this - it won't be long before you can take your 2 children on exciting adventures like canoeing trips, or go to the cinema all together, theme parks etc. If you have another baby all of that becomes hard or out of reach for at least another 3 years.
Not to mention the additional cost of a plane seat let alone extra driving lessons and another one to support through uni / further education or getting them set up in a career. Focus time, effort and money on the two you have.

Every woman i know who was talking about having one more and then didn't, is more than fine with the decision when her kids are older. That may not help much as obviously the ones who do are usually OK with it too 😁but it's quite striking to me.

Once your children have friends, the cousin thing is much less of an issue. Let them make their own tribe. It perhaps helps me that I have so many cousins and barely talk to any of them.

The quality of life is important. You will be exhausted if you have too many children.
Everyone has their own plan. Don't be influenced by others.

We had a third in our early thirties and it nearly broke us. He is gorgeous but my god its hard work (and he is 5 now so we are out of the crazy early stages). I know the feeling of 'oh just one more would be lovely' but I can confidently say that feeling has well and truly disappeared now!

Love my 3 DC of course but even as young adults it doesn't stop. The worry, the dramas, the financial pressure, the stress. Sure it's wonderful too but 3 is a lot and it doesn't seem to let up as they get older. I get more anxious as I age, menopause doesn't help.

Don't. I love the idea of three in theory, especially when they're adults as it gives them a larger family which is preferable imo. However, I know a third would destroy me!

My DSis's much deliberated on third child ended up being twins....

I had three but younger than you. It didn’t break me. We didn’t have lots of money for holidays etc but we didn’t anyway. It’s been a lovely ride and such a pleasure now they are all grown up.

DONT!- life is getting more expensive, pre-schoolers are cheap- children's clubs/ summer holiday day care, half term holidays are expensive.
We all love babies- you'd be raising another child though, thats exhausting expensive and drudgery

Mine are similar ages to @CheerfulYank and shitshow would adequately describe a lot of my days. 😅

The hardest thing is getting one on one time with them and maybe also having 3 seconds on a day where someone isn't chatting to me about Minecraft/fortnite/koalas/a book they're reading etc. (or just going mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. 😵‍💫)

They are lovely and are indeed a nice wee gang, but it's really full on. 🥴

Think of it from your child's point of view.

Yes they would gain a sibling, but they already have one and will have lots of friends that they would prefer to spend time with as they get older.

Three kids means the money is split among 3 so less money for clubs, days out, tech, holidays.

Will they have to share a room? Can you still afford holidays. Most holidays/hotels are set up for families of 4.

Health risks to you and the baby. Both pregnancy risks, miscarriage and disability.

They will have a mother who is exhausted for another 3 years.

If your plan had always been for 3 then go for it. If you're just feeling a bit broody then I wouldn't.

The planet is beyond fucked, there will be climate refugees, water and food shortages by 2050. 8 billion humans are enough.

‘Everyone else has one, I want one too’ is no reason to make a person. Cousins have 0 impact on anyone’s day to day life.

I know 3 seems to be the number nowadays, but reading your post - don't! You are very lucky to have two healthy children. Focus on that, and your family is complete.

Don't OP. In a short time your current kids will be at that 'nice age' where you do things together as a family. Don't hold yourselves back from enjoying that.

Our third baby was twins. It was bloody hard and I had lots of family support. The older you are, the more pregnancies you have had the more likely you will have twins I was told afterwards.🤣
Life may throw you a curve ball.

Given your situation and the need to both work FT 'just to stand still' I absolutely wouldn't have another baby. If you'd said that you were financially comfortable and could live on one salary without any problem my advice would be different.

There was a thread on this dilemma recently where the overwhelming consensus was that it was A Bad Idea (this was from parents who had gone ahead and had a third!) Read it; you might find it soothing!