Not allowed on ward with my 16 year old son before or after op

[Decoqueen]

Hi there.

Son (16) has ankle injury and needs op. Hospital just called and said that they want him in tomorrow, but since he's over 16 neither me nor Dad can stay with him.

Is this the norm now?

Any help please I'd by grateful x

There is no way I’d be leaving my 16yo alone before surgery. She has anxiety issues and a needle phobia. It would be totally inhumane,
The world has gone nuts!

Rightly or wrongly, you cannot change this. So choose your response - either 'my child can't cope without me there!' hand-wringing, or 'off you go, love, you'll be fine, nurse will look after you, and I'll see you later'
Play it down, let him see you think he can cope, show confidence, and let him pick it up himself. Your attitude will infect him.

Recovery nurses will look after him.

I had my tonsils out at 16 on an adult ward. In for two nights and parents only allowed in at visiting hours. It was OK.

When my DD was 16 she had to stay in hospital for a few days due to infections after adenoid and tonsil removal.

She couldn't swallow properly, was in constant pain and coughing up chunks of blood clots. She was petrified.

The hospital would not let me stay even though she was begging them to let me. I tried to reason with them but eventually they said that I could come back at 6am and stay until the evening so did not have to comply with normal visiting hours.

I was horrified but didn't feel like I had much choice.

The other patients said that she had made the nurses lives a misery. I bet they wished I'd have stayed.

I wish I had known that it was not the law until she was 18. I would have pushed harder to stay. Poor thing.

Oh it's day case? That changes things. Just drop him off and pick him
Up

There is no ward if it's a day case, just a waiting room, get called into anaesthetic room, have surgery, go to recovery.

Go with him to reception and ask them in the morning in person.

But he's going home tomorrow night so you'll be with him at home..

How long is he expected to be in? Did you get the opportunity to discuss his operation with the medical staff?

Is it a covid thing? 10 years ago my niece, who had just turned 16 the week before, went in overnight for a termination and her mum wasn't allowed in at all.

I think it's appalling. One of too many appalling things I've been hearing along these lines recently. Maybe contact PALS.

I had an op in early 80s when I was 6. Parents dropped me off the night before and saw them a few hours after surgery. They stayed a couple hours then went home and only came to pick me up the day after.

At 16 he should be early on the list, then they should call you once he’s in recovery. Did they explain what the procedure would be? Got my recent op I ran DH to ask him to come, but they either have had I not.

Couple of weeks ago I had another op on my own, explained I was nervous so Nurse held my hand as I was put under, I do think that staff are really stepping in when they can due to no visitors.

Am 3 weeks post ankle surgery, the hospital was the easy part!

Best of luck

I don’t think it’s even to do with covid.

pre covid Dd was admitted to hospital for a week quite poorly. She was 16yo, put on an adult ward as deemed too old for paeds.

Wasn’t allowed to stay overnight but the ward Sister did take pity on Dd (or me) and allow us to come in non visiting times during the day. It’s ok saying a 16yo can consent but actually I don’t think Dd in the circumstances would have made any informed decisions, she was quite a young 16yo, often didn’t understand what was being discussed and never asked questions.

Even at 18yo I remember having to go to an out patient appt on her own because by now it was covid and the dr gave her three diagnosis of different questions. I met Dd in the carpark who was sobbing her heart out, she had no clue about ongoing issues, next steps, etc as she just hadn’t asked. They gave her a leaflet and discharged her.

Oh I can understand it for day surgery, that’s a bit different they don’t have the space for a plus one.

@Dinotour Someone on the Covid boards wasn't allowed to be with their child in HDU. My point is that all children should always be allowed a parent. That applies to OP's son. Doesn't make any difference that it's a day case or he is 16. He's a child.

@QuebecBagnet That's dreadful. Your poor DD!

I agree wholeheartedly

I mean it does make a difference, but anyhow there won't be a ward for OP to be with her son on as day cases aren't admitted to a ward.

Thanks to all those who constructively responded!

We told the hospital that we expected one of us to be able to stay with him before and after surgery. They were reluctant, but we told them that he is officially still a child and that it's their decision to treat him on an adult ward.

It seems that different hospital trusts Have different rules.

When we got there for op they were still saying we couldn't....reminded them of safe guarding and their attitude changed dramatically.

Long story short my husband was allowed to stay until he was under general and called the moment son was out of recovery. Every member of staff husband spoke to was supportive of parents being with kids til 18. Common sense prevailed.

have they gave you an option to visit at visiting time?It's sooo shitty that we are still in this place. They need to piss of with this covid nonsense now🙄Honestly frustrates me so much!
@Mommabear20 16 is still quite young tbf. He will be anxious and having mum or dad there will clearly help him. You don't suddenly get to 16 and not need your mum or dad because "your an adult".

Pretty sure that was also the case 10 years ago when I was on a teen ward.

I'm amazed how dismissive and downright nasty people are on this thread and on another thread involving a 16-year-old girl whose parents weren't allowed to be with her on a (mixed) ward. A 16-year-old is not an adult. As a parent I'd be horrified if I couldn't be with my 16 yo son or daughter before an operation. I know the NHS is stretched but this isn't right. It shows how bad things have become.

18 refers to minor not child factually speaking much and not to mention these things are arbitrary depending on Country. Stop being a helicopter parent I’ll say and making something more then what it is. Definitely by around 16+ you are capable and fine going. At around 16ish&on not to mention you are literally gradually emerging into your adult self ..literally nothing biologically, Scientifically, factually child by then(pretty far from that). So no not everything you said is literally correct and you do start to get by then independent rights and it’s all realistic🤦 Just saying it is what it is at the end of it all.