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Original poster

Not allowed on ward with my 16 year old son before or after op

71 replies

Decoqueen · 29/05/2022 10:24

Hi there.

Son (16) has ankle injury and needs op. Hospital just called and said that they want him in tomorrow, but since he's over 16 neither me nor Dad can stay with him.

Is this the norm now?

Any help please I'd by grateful x

OP posts:
HappyCup · 29/05/2022 12:52

Decoqueen · 29/05/2022 11:57

His dad or myself just want to be there when he comes out of surgery. My sixteen year old would like one of us there

But no one would be there immediately after surgery anyway as he’ll be in recovery. Can you visit at all? Have you asked when the soonest that will be is? It may be just after he gets back from recovery.

HappyCup · 29/05/2022 12:54

Sorry, just seen that it’s a day case. In that case you’ll be able to see him soon after the surgery anyway, it’s not like he’s having to stay in. He’ll have the surgery, then recovery, then back to the ward or waiting area (is this the part you want to be involved in?) and then you’ll take him home.

toomuchlaundry · 29/05/2022 13:02

Many years ago when I was 16 I was on an adult surgical ward after I had my appendix out. But in those days I don't know whether parents would have been able to stay if I had been in a child's ward.

As it is a day case it probably won't be too bad.

I took a long time to come round from the anaesthetic and was woozy for some time after so I had no recollection whatsoever of my mum's first visit and told her the consultant hadn't been to see me on her second visit (when he had and had supposedly spoken with me!)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families General parenting
francesfrankenfurter · 29/05/2022 13:04

In recovery patients are still groggy. With a day case you will all see each other very soon after.
I took my partner home about thirty minutes after coming out of surgery as a day case.
Do you know how long he is expected to be in recovery?
By the way I waited in the waiting room just the other side of recovery room. They come and get you if there are any issues.

Dinotour · 29/05/2022 13:11

He won't be staying either if he's in as a day case, surely they just mean there's nowhere on the day unit for you to stay? Pretty standard and nothing to do with covid. Depending where the hospital is make sure your phone is charged and stay locally- even in the hospital cafe if you don't mind waiting around for hours.

PuppyMonkey · 29/05/2022 13:13

It’s the nerve racking bit before the surgery I’d think would be the worst part for him to be on his own, waiting around and maybe delays etc. Yes I know - I’m not as cool as some of the he’ll be fine brigade on here.Grin

EmilyBolton · 29/05/2022 13:22

I’ve just read post form mum who was complaining that men were staying in the maternity ward overnight and playing TV /talking at load volume. Seems a bit bloody ironic then to say a parent can’t be around for a 16 years old. 🤦‍♀️

my 16 year old needed surgery. He was understandably nervous and scared. I went with him as far as I could to theatre after I checked with nurses and they were fine. And then I waited and went back to him as soon as he was on ward after op. He was fine, but it was his first op or time staying in hospital and he needed someone with him to reassure him what was normal . Nurses were fine with it. Ok, this was a few years ago and definitely pre covid…but I thought hospitals had stopped with covid rules now.

francesfrankenfurter · 29/05/2022 13:27

If it is day surgery someone will be with him until he goes to be prepped for surgery I.e. anaesthetic.
Recovery and prep spaces are small. Agree this has nothing to do with covid.
Chances are you will be in a waiting room nearby ready to see him as soon as he.comes out of recovery. They get you out as soon as they can.
Ask about prep and recovery room times. But if he is a day case these will be short.
If they were going to be any time at all you would be given a bed as a day patient and allowed someone with you even as an adult.
Is this a test like a colonoscopy?

Gassylady · 29/05/2022 13:30

You would be welcome to stay with him until he was anaesthetised where I work. We then call parents into recovery ASAP

Blueskythinking123 · 29/05/2022 13:33

My DC would have wanted me with than at that age to OP and honestly I see this as normal when facing the unknown.

I recently had day surgery. If you can't be with him my advice would be:-

Make sure he has his phone and charger

iPad or a device with a movie or similar downloaded

Headphones

Reading material or something to occupy him

I was delayed a bit, so chatted to friends and partner via text etc. This kept me busy, also there seemed to be lots of pre med stuff.

Something to remember is he won't have his phone in recovery (I didn't). So it felt a very long time for my partner waiting to hear from me following the op. I had a general anaesthetic and was in recovery a while.

I hope all goes ok for your son.

Blueskythinking123 · 29/05/2022 13:34

*them

zafferana · 29/05/2022 13:37

No, I would not be happy about that OP. My DS broke his ankle and I was allowed to stay with him throughout. He was a couple of years younger, but he was in pain, worried about the operation, in pain afterwards and actually needed help getting around. 16 is a child.

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/05/2022 13:37

francesfrankenfurter · 29/05/2022 11:18

Does he want you there?

I was going to ask this, I’d have thought for an ankle op a 16 year old would be fine. In a couple years he’ll be leaving home.

francesfrankenfurter · 29/05/2022 13:42

zafferana · 29/05/2022 13:37

No, I would not be happy about that OP. My DS broke his ankle and I was allowed to stay with him throughout. He was a couple of years younger, but he was in pain, worried about the operation, in pain afterwards and actually needed help getting around. 16 is a child.

He is in for day surgery, he won't be getting around anywhere. He will go to pre op and get prepped, go to theatre,and then recovery room. And then will be discharged.

PeekAtYou · 29/05/2022 13:43

I'm surprised to hear this. I have an almost 16yo and he'd want one of his parents there.

Jofergo · 29/05/2022 13:50

If he is being treated by adult services this will be their policy.

there may be flex possible but I know of some extremely space constrained day case facilities.

if I’m children’s services this is really not normal.

16-18 is a tough time as this is the transition point between paeds & adult services and it can be hard for everyone as they adjust.

mumonthehill · 29/05/2022 13:53

When ds 16 had surgery I was able to sit with him before he went down and then they called me when he was in recovery and I sat with him when he came back to the ward. I did not stay overnight. The staff were really kind and he was on an adult ward. They said that I did not need to keep to visiting and could come in as he needed me to.

00deed1988 · 29/05/2022 13:56

I was 19 when I had my tonsils out. I woke up in recovery and was hysterical calling for my mum. I had already put a deposit on a flat to move into 6 weeks later so was fairly independent. They had to rush and get her into recovery as I was in such a state. I was groggy, scared and confused. No advice OP but I totally get you want to be there and don't find it strange that a 16 yo would want you there!

Helenloveslee4eva · 29/05/2022 13:58

PetersRabbitt · 29/05/2022 11:03

It’s terrible they are still doing this!! Why has it not stopped yet? Will it still be the case in 2-3 years time or will it revert back to old?

This is not a Covid thing
i friend of ours had this years ago when they developed crohns in lower 6th form. Was awful. A poorly 16 ye old cannot choose treatment option etc easily.

Mariposista · 29/05/2022 14:01

Not normal. He is a child!

Innocenta · 29/05/2022 14:04

All children should be able to have a parent with them. Tbh this should always have been allowed, it was one of the worst decisions in the height of the pandemic (and those who have seen me post elsewhere know I'm generally pro restrictions).

Personally I'd extend it to anyone vulnerable, like young adults and elderly people. My partner was allowed to stay with me throughout the pandemic and there were definitely people just as vulnerable who were forced to be alone.

fairgame84 · 29/05/2022 14:07

Its normal in my hospital as they go to adult wards as soon as they are 16. Daycase unit is really busy and visitors aren't allowed due to space restrictions even before covid.

PineForestsAndSunshine · 29/05/2022 14:11

A friend's DD had a minor procedure under LA and sedation a few months back. She'd just turned 16 so no parents allowed. Dad explained that she had ADHD (diagnosed) and autism (in the process of getting a diagnosis) and was a reluctant patient. Was told not to worry, they're used to this etc. He hasn't even made it back to his car before they were phoning him to say she was refusing consent and could he please come back.

TLDR: if your DS is distressed on the day they'll probably bend the rules!

Dinotour · 29/05/2022 14:13

Innocenta · 29/05/2022 14:04

All children should be able to have a parent with them. Tbh this should always have been allowed, it was one of the worst decisions in the height of the pandemic (and those who have seen me post elsewhere know I'm generally pro restrictions).

Personally I'd extend it to anyone vulnerable, like young adults and elderly people. My partner was allowed to stay with me throughout the pandemic and there were definitely people just as vulnerable who were forced to be alone.

It's nothing to do with covid. For day surgery the person will go home ASAP after the op- just be in recovery usually until had something to eat and for x hours after, they won't be staying in or have a bed on a ward.

francesfrankenfurter · 29/05/2022 14:14

They get you out of recovery as soon as it is safe to do so.