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Original poster

Ex want to join our holiday - hes not invited

30 replies

Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:29

History of DV -we have no relationship and he has contact -all organising via text or email.
We are off on holiday this Monday and my ex even though i told him previously no said he is coming on holiday for a few days to be with his son. I had to be blunt and says hes not invited a few times - and typically he isnt getting it and saying its nothing to do with me -
what can i do?
We are making the very 1st attempt to be in the same room for my sons bday this Saturday - he being deluded now thinks this is okay
i now have the fear !

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 24/05/2022 16:31

Just don't tell him where you're going?

BadWolf2022 · 24/05/2022 16:31

Long as he doesn't know where exactly your going don't worry about it. will you have support there at your sons birthday incase anything kicks off?

Lockedoorsopen · 24/05/2022 16:33

I would back out of being in the same room as him this Saturday.

He has used it as a chance to bulldoze your boundaries over the holiday.

Its your holiday not his he doesnt get to bully you about going.

You have split up

Your son doesnt need to witness his dad bullying his mum

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Original poster
Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:33

he knows exactly as he wanted to give permission to allow us - the control is unreal .......

the party on Sat is in an indoor play place so should be okay - its just ruining my already fragile peace

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 24/05/2022 16:34

Does he know the details or where you are going and staying ? If not, just go and don't tell him.

As for Saturday, that's clearly not going to work. You're going to have to cancel him coming round.

Is he on drugs? Is he using the birthday as an excuse for joking you on holiday?

If he knows where you are going, you are going to have to be ready to call the police.

PeekAtYou · 24/05/2022 16:35

Do you have a Child Arrangement Order?

If you do then you can have it written that you can take him on short breaks and you don't have to get his permission.

Original poster
Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:35

lockdoorsopen - yes he is and will continue to do so - my son would be devastated i dont think i can do this to him - hes already so excited his dad is coming

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 24/05/2022 16:35

Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:33

he knows exactly as he wanted to give permission to allow us - the control is unreal .......

the party on Sat is in an indoor play place so should be okay - its just ruining my already fragile peace

Tell him not to come, in writing, and if he turns up, call the police.

LittleOwl153 · 24/05/2022 16:38

Yeah hopefully he doesn't know where you are going. He absolutely doesn't have the right to share your accommodation if that is what he is thinking. If necessary alert security that he might follow and they should absolutely notngove out your details to anyone - depending on the type of place they might be useful.

Assuming you have sorted out when he has contact he cannot just turn up and demand extra anyway. It will have taken alot of strength to get yourself into the position you are today - living safely without him. You are going to need to summon that strength again to deal with this bully now.

Don't hesitate to call the police if he so much as turns up. Might be worth ringing the local number ahead of time so the can put a marker on your accommodation.

Original poster
Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:38

MolliciousIntent - yes i think i will have to do that - i will email him and screen shot it to his whatsapp and tell him if he turns up i will be contacting the police in Spain- i wonder should i copy it to his solicitor ?

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 24/05/2022 16:40

Get a court order giving you permission in future (I believe he has to agree too but what kind of idiot would give a stupid reason to a judge) if you want to go abroad otherwise plan for a UK based holiday. If you have split weeks care then try and change it to an eow care.

You can say where you are going eg Brighton and dates/times but you don't have to give hotel/caravan address surely?

If he is this controlling its time to involve the courts. It won't get any better otherwise.

Original poster
Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:40

PeekAtYou - i dont have that - only a contact order i actively offer extra in advance of our holidays always - i will maybe see about getting this as we have another holiday in August

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 24/05/2022 16:41

I would copy in solicitors yes.

Can you change where you are staying?

LittleOwl153 · 24/05/2022 16:42

Are you going abroad? If not you do not need his permission. He's a bustard to even suggest you do. See if you can change the accommodation even if it is just neighbouring property. I'm hoping it's something like a caravan park so he doesn't know which van - and make sure it stays that way.

How old is your son? Make sure he doesn't take any tablet/phone with him that might have any kind of tracking device/app on it.

Original poster
Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:44

Pixiedust1234 · 24/05/2022 16:40

Get a court order giving you permission in future (I believe he has to agree too but what kind of idiot would give a stupid reason to a judge) if you want to go abroad otherwise plan for a UK based holiday. If you have split weeks care then try and change it to an eow care.

You can say where you are going eg Brighton and dates/times but you don't have to give hotel/caravan address surely?

If he is this controlling its time to involve the courts. It won't get any better otherwise.

thank you - yes its not going to change -i need to do something he is barking mad!
this time i sent itinerary stupidly - next time i wont

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 24/05/2022 16:46

Sorry - not keeping pace!

You need a "lives with order". This will mean you can take him on holiday for a period of time - can't remember whether it is 7/14/30 days without dad's permission.

If its a package style holiday talk to the company see if you can switch to a sister hotel - they may be able to help as they won't want trouble. You can definitely get reception to deny your ex your room number though.

PeekAtYou · 24/05/2022 16:47

Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:40

PeekAtYou - i dont have that - only a contact order i actively offer extra in advance of our holidays always - i will maybe see about getting this as we have another holiday in August

If you get an order it will act as insurance against him contacting the airport and making fake child abduction claims so you can't go on holiday.
There was a thread on here where a spiteful ex reported their child's passport stolen in the hope that it would ruin their holiday. The family managed to go on holiday but the authorities flagged the passport on their return and there was an awkward situation where the child worked out that mum (the ex) had tried to sabotage his holiday.

Original poster
Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:47

thank you everyone for your posts here - its helping me think clear - i have a sort of pts response to these things and it takes me a while to come round

i booked a package in mallorca - a real treat for us ( me and my 6yr old while there ) so cant change it - hes aware of the hotel

i just dont need the stress of this now

OP posts:
Original poster
Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:49

PeekAtYou · 24/05/2022 16:47

If you get an order it will act as insurance against him contacting the airport and making fake child abduction claims so you can't go on holiday.
There was a thread on here where a spiteful ex reported their child's passport stolen in the hope that it would ruin their holiday. The family managed to go on holiday but the authorities flagged the passport on their return and there was an awkward situation where the child worked out that mum (the ex) had tried to sabotage his holiday.

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yes i am very aware that this would be something he would try - thats why i have to give him exaxt details or he wont give permission - this has to end i will investigate that order this week - and hopefully have it in place for next time

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 24/05/2022 16:50

I don't know if the UK police would check if your ex is on the same flight as you and whether he's booked a room at your hotel. It might be worth seeing if they would for your peace of mind.

PeekAtYou · 24/05/2022 16:51

Has he given you written permission ? Ideally signed?

LittleOwl153 · 24/05/2022 16:54

Is he the sort that will actually follow you... or is he more likely just to be saying this so that you are watching over your shoulder the entire time waiting for him to show up? Spoiling your holiday that way instead. Has he told your son he is planning to come?

To report your sons passport missing to stop the holiday he needs the passport number. Has your sons passport even been in his possession?

LittleOwl153 · 24/05/2022 16:58

Oh and make sure you have plenty of friends / family to "body guard" you on Saturday keep him away

Original poster
Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:58

Hi thank you again !
yes i have written signed consent to go (signed by him) learnt i need to do this with him
i think hes getting off on both - spoiling and likely to come too - hes mentioned it a few times
i am trying to calm and will do the email this eve

OP posts:
Original poster
Kazx81 · 24/05/2022 16:58

i dont think hes ever seen my sons passport

thank you everyone again i really appreciate this

OP posts:
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