Leaving exclusively breastfed baby overnight for the first time

[Honeyhoney2]

This is a super preemptive post but it’s already stressing me out!

My husband has planned an overnight stay for us in London at a hotel in July to celebrate our one year wedding anniversary. We would be dropping our then 4 month old daughter off at my mums house on Saturday morning, and picking her up on Sunday morning. We plan to have my mum give her formula for that day and night as it’s easier for me/ there’s no pressure to pump enough milk before she goes there.

I have a couple of questions -

Should we be working on introducing the bottle and formula to my daughter pretty much now in preparation? If so, how do I not impact breastfeeding/ my supply too much in doing this? She’s never had a bottle or formula before.

And more importantly, I know I’ll need to pump whilst we’re away if anything for my own comfort, but is there a general
guideline of how many times to pump in order maintain supply and stay comfortable when away from ebf baby? Also I’m guessing I’ll need to pump and just throw the milk away which feels wrong, but I’m not sure how else I’d store it staying in a hotel and going all around London??

any suggestions would be really appreciated, sorry if any of these questions are dumb! I’m pretty anxious at the thought of my baby staying with my mum and not eating anything because she won’t take it… surely that won’t happen right?!

It does happen yes. So you need to introduce a bottle now. Maybe start with just a little formula before her breast feed and build up a bit so you definitely know she will take a full feed of formula.

Yes start practicing with bottle/formula now. At 4 months my baby absolutely refused a bottle so good to know in advance if this is going to be an issue. You should express every time you give her a bottle so that your breasts know she is having a feed/ to continue producing milk to cover that feed.
When you are away I would suggest expressing approx every 3 hours (day and night) for 15-20 mins each time (assuming you are using a double electric pump). Unless there is a fridge in your hotel room you probably will need to just dispose of the milk.

Happy anniversary and congratulations on your baby!

I think it depends on whether you want to maintain exclusivity. If you pump once a day with a double electric pump after a morning feed (when we tend to have more milk) from now until July, you will likely have a freezer stash that will be more than plentiful for your mum to handle 24h of feeds. You can also stick a haakaa on the other breast when feeding to catch drip milk to mix with pumped milk to boost your stash. A feed of EBM is generally considered to be somewhere between 80 and 150ml.

My baby was pretty much a bottle refuser so it would probably be worth offering EBM once a week or so just to familiarise her with it. However, you may find that she will take it more readily from your mum than from you, where she will know that she can just have it straight from the tap!

I hope it all works out. I have never left my baby with anyone overnight and he is now 23 months and about to become a big brother - you are more brave than me!! Have a wonderful time with DH :)

In short, offer baby an oz of formula now every day to get her used to the bottle.

By 4 months baby will be on more of a pattern with feeding and you'll have to pump whenever you would have fed her. Day and night. This might mean you spend a lot of the day and night pumping and then pouring that milk down the sink (or have a bath in it - makes your skin lovely and soft)

Tbh - it's a lovely idea, but I'd suggest postponing until baby is a bit older or taking baby with you.

I know it might not be the anniversary your husband planned but thems the deal with babies. Especially breastfed ones.

I might have missed it but how old is your baby now (i.e. how long have you got before your trip?)
You could start expressing a small stash of breastmilk to put in your mum's freezer so that at least one thing is familiar for your baby - that is, she doesn't have to get used to being fed by someone else AND being fed from a bottle rather than a boob AND being fed something with a new flavour.
If she turns out to be a bottle refuses all isn't lost - DS never took a bottle or a dummy but would drink EBM from a cup from 3 months old. (I think you can get special cups for this purpose but we used a shot glass 😬)
How are you feeling about leaving your LO aside from the practicalities of the feeding? For me that was the biggest issue - the anxiety of being away from him. He was about 4 months old before I could leave him to go for dinner with DH, leave alone overnight! But many people don't have that issue :)

I’d recommend cup feeding rather than bottle. I’d always be worried about nipple/bottle confusion. I’d never leave a 4 month old overnight. I realise it’s not the question, but if you’re stressed before it even happening, will you definitely enjoy leaving your baby and being away overnight?

Should we be working on introducing the bottle and formula to my daughter pretty much now in preparation?

Yes definately. Some bf babes are bottle refuseniks. You don't want to discover this on your night out.

If so, how do I not impact breastfeeding/ my supply too much in doing this? She’s never had a bottle or formula before

My first bf baby got a bottle of ebm about 1-2 a week. My second bf baby got a bottle of ebm everyday. Neither caused any impact to bf or my supply.

is there a general guideline of how many times to pump in order maintain supply and stay comfortable when away from ebf baby?

You need to pump enough to feel comfortable. You will probably find that will be as often as baby normally feeds. It won't impact on your supply.

Take plenty of nipple pads as you will likely leak a bit more than usual.

To add

My bf babies stayed with grandparents overnight from 8 weeks and we never had any problems.

Enjoy your trip.

Sorry, this is a bit negative. I went “away” with friends (actually to the town I commute to which happens to be a lovely touristy Uni town only 30 mins by train) leaving my 6mo bf baby and had to get my husband to bring the baby at 7am for a breakfast feed in a café.

I had pumped (&dumped) 3/4 times in the c. 19 hours we were apart but I still woke up soaked-through, with rock hard boobs and feeling like I had a temperature (resolved as soon as the baby fed). I was so surprised because he was starting to have solids plus he wasn’t ebf at that point, only mostly bf. He was obviously a hugely efficient feeder and the pump didn’t come up to the mark.

I also did city trips with my babies when they were tiny & they aren’t any bother at all. Would you not prefer to take the baby? Or if sleep is the issue, book a room for your mum to have her overnight so you can sleep but still get regular feeds in?

Thanks everyone for your responses regarding the bottle and practicalities of pumping etc! We will definitely introduce the bottle and formula asap to make sure she’ll take it by the time we get to July. Really great tips thank you!

With regards to leaving her, I personally didn’t have any qualms about it but now reading these I’m second guessing it a bit! Is it really such a bad idea? My mum has been a childminder and nanny for over 30 years now if that changes things! She is a bit of a baby whisperer but also a professional and would do anything for my daughter so in my eyes she’s in safe hands. I am of course anxious about being away from my baby in general, I don’t think I could do more than one night at this point! I hope I’m not just being horribly naive about this

I think it's entirely personal, OP! I wouldn't have wanted to be away for a night at that stage, but that's me, not you! If you feel comfortable with it that's all that matters.

I definitely would put some work in around bottles etc. though beforehand because it would be a lot for her to be overnight without you for the first time and also not used to a bottle and that might make it stressful for her and your mum.

@Honeyhoney2 With regards to leaving her, I personally didn’t have any qualms about it but now reading these I’m second guessing it a bit! Is it really such a bad idea?

Please don't be put off. Its not a bad idea. Your mum is a childminder and a grandmother. Your baby will have excellent care.

My babies stayed with the grandparents overnight at 8 weeks old and were fine. And were fine on many other nights since. They are now 13 and 9 years old - were extensively breastfed and survived nights with the grandparents.

Its ok to have a night off and enjoy yourself.

Its also ok that other people don't want to do this but please don't let that put you off.

Honestly? I couldn’t have.
Its not the childcare, I’m sure your mum will be fine with baby. But more mine simply wouldn’t take a bottle, tried regularly from 2 weeks old and they just didn’t. Ds also fed a lot at 4 months, so I think I would have just been too uncomfortable to go from feeding 10-12 times per 24hrs to nothing

I would take baby with you in July and change plans a little. Arrange your mum to come over and have baby for a few hours whilst you go out for a meal 3hrs or so. Then book somewhere else when baby is more like 9-12 months overnight as then they can survive off solids ie porridge if needed for 24hrs if they refused bottle

Won't baby be waking up for a feed every few hours? You will have to pump every few hours in the night also. I know you didn't ask opinions on this but I couldn't be away from my baby that early for that long. Are you sure you want to be? You can all have a lovely trip away together? Is this something you're husband has planned without considering the baby or your feelings? If you're happy to go then go but be prepared to feel worried about baby the whole time!

@MajorCarolDanvers that’s true! I feel negligent when I see other people saying they wouldn’t do it but you are right it is a totally personal thing either way. I think it’s also just because I grew up sending every weekend at my nan’s house, I think it would be so lovely for my daughter to be as close to her nanny.

And thank you!

@Perfect28 no we planned it together! If anything he is more worried about it than me, but we figured we trust my mum completely and my mum also doesn’t mind being up all night for one night.

I am doubting myself now though. As PP said it is completely personal and I personally felt comfortable with it, but now I’m not sure anymore :(

Oops missed your reply there op sorry!

I did it! I expressed and had ready made apatamil on standby and she was fussy with the first bottle but fine with the second and third. I’d recommend practising but if possible get someone else to do it so you’re out of the picture and DD won’t smell you. My friend did this for me as I was really worried about it and wouldn’t have helped the situation! Cup feeding is also a good idea. My DD did take to a bottle and luckily we had no nipple confusion at all, she went right back to me as soon as i was home.

I was also really worried about doing an overnighter away, but ultimately it was a really good time for DH’s and my relationship.

I was ok with minimal engorgement, had a really hot shower and took extra pads. I took a pump just in case but didn’t really need to use it.

How far away do you live from London? Just have in the back of your mind ‘I can be home in x hours if we both need’ and trust that your mum will make the right call if DD really needs you back.

Best of luck and hope you have a wonderful time!

This is such a personal choice!

My son was bf and I left him overnight quite early with my mum and dad. I think it was before 4 months. I'm super close to my mum so trusted her completely and her and my son (now 5) now have a really special relationship too.

Logistically, I did introduce a bottle feed to try it out before the overnight. I used to pump and save the milk and my partner would feed my son the bottle of breast milk (this kept my supply up and ensured LO would actually take the bottle from mum.). We used the nuk latex teat bottles and our baby wouldn't have anything else.

I got to the point where I didn't even need a pump to express the milk 🤣 I'd just hand express!

It sounds like your mum is very well qualified to look after your little one, and if worst came to absolute worst, in the event it didnt work out you could always just come back?

@Fernsinthegarden I’m glad it worked well for you! And thank you for the tip about someone else giving the bottle that’s a really good point. I know it sounds selfish but that’s a big motivator for us too, I love our baby so much but me and my husband are like passing ships in the night these days!

I live far from London but my mum is literally a 15 minute train away in Hertfordshire and DD would be staying at hers, so that’s a very good point, I can always get back if I need to.

thank you!

I ebf my DC until 6mo and don't think I could have done this...even at 1yo when I returned to work and they were on 3 solid meals a day I found it really painful just for a few hours and got really engorged. At 4mo overnight I don't know if I could have managed!! Not trying to be a downer at all and hope it works out for you, but I just know in my experience this would have been really challenging.

I've never left my 3.5 year old (BFed till 3, through the night till 2.5) because she's sooooo clingy and anxious, that kicked in at 4 months actually 😬 but my 9 month old... he would probably be ok and if he were my first I would be more comfortable leaving him over night or actually leaving him at all. DC1 refused bottles and EBM and DC2 isn't a massive fan but would probably eventually take to it because he has in the past but if we stop he refuses so definitely make it part of your day giving a bottle and stick with it.

I'd try and pump to mimic the babies recent feeding, idk how that would work with cluster feeding, growth spurts and the 4 months regression though. I missed one or two feeds last night and my boobs are still out of wack and I've pumped a big bottle already.

Emotionally I'd be fine to do this (I left my ff bed baby for the night at 3m) but it would have been impossible with my bf baby.

We tried to mix feed from birth, but she refused bottles within the first week. We tried different bottles, formulas, teats, expressed milk, others feeding her, cup feeding, even fingertip feeding with a SNS. She'd even refuse to open her mouth for syringing it in.
Even introducing a bottle in day zero doesn't guarantee you baby won't refuse bottles

I first left her for the night at 2.

Btw, I know a lot of babies that refused bottles. I don't know any that got nipple confusion* so I think its sensible to get baby use it it early if you want to be able to use bottles occasionally.

• Excluding those who were doing formula top ups due to struggling with supply, rather than just out of desire to give a bottle sometimes.

The passing ships bit really resonates with me, that’s why we did our overnight trip too. I never used to get it until I had kids but my mum always used to say that your love for your children is unconditional but your love for your partner is conditional and it’s important to make time for that relationship (obviously within reason when they’re small!)
It’s a really personal choice though and ultimately you’ll know what’s best and what you feel comfortable with 😊

If you have instagram then there's a really good account I follow who has helped me out in times like this - (see screenshot)

Quite far down her page there's a post about being away from a EBF but lots of other helpful posts too!

Happy anniversary. Hope you have a lovely time x