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Original poster

Toddler still wide awake - please help, I can't cope

57 replies

shattered001 · 13/05/2022 22:01

My toddler (aged 26 months) has turned into a terrible sleeper. He's in his cot now and is wide awake, calling out for DH, chatting away and asking to watch TV. Then occasionally he calls out for some random toy and gets really upset when we don't hand it to him.

He used to be a fairly decent sleeper and was good at settling himself, but a few months ago he started getting very upset when we left the room for his nap and at night. Since that point, either me or DH has sat with him in the room whilst he falls asleep to reassure him.

The issue is that he just DOESN'T sleep - he went into his room at 8.30pm tonight and is still awake and very lively now. DH has been up there with him pretending to be asleep on the bed for the last 1.5 hours.

I'm so exhausted and feel like I just can't go on like this, with no evenings with DH whatsoever.

His routine is something like this:

8am wake
2pm nap
3.30pm wake
8.30pm bed

We did try dropping his nap but that made it worse - he still wouldn't sleep until very late but was screaming and crying for ages, I guess from overtiredness.

How can we stop having to sit with him until he falls asleep, and how can we try to get him to sleep earlier? Any advice would be gratefully received.

OP posts:
Oneforallforone · 13/05/2022 22:07

Oh bless you - it's so hard isn't it? Evenings are so precious, I find it really helps me to have a few hours of peace each evening just to unwind.

Mine is 17months but wakes between 6 and 6.30am. I hate early mornings but it does mean he generally goes to sleep between 7-7.30 each night. I'm making his nap at 12.30 with a wake up at 2pm so he has a long stretch before bed, but not so long that he gets over tired.

Maybe getting yours up earlier in the morning and bringing nap time forward to earlier in the day might help? And maybe keep the nap to an hour as he's a bit older?

HSKAT · 13/05/2022 22:09

I agree to waking him earlier, bringing nap forward.
Aiming for 19:00/19:30 bed time.
Overtiredness can actually make them hyper

Organictangerine · 13/05/2022 22:09

Drop the nap, very early bedtime eg 6pm?

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Oneforallforone · 13/05/2022 22:10

Also, if mine is ever just not going to sleep then I don't persevere. We bring him downstairs and he sits with us while we eat, then we do some stories and night garden. I'd rather that than try to keep getting a non sleepy toddler to sleep! And at least we can chat quietly/go on our phones while night garden is on :)

Organictangerine · 13/05/2022 22:10

Otherwise only let him nap for half an hour then wake him up

1990sbaby · 13/05/2022 22:10

Sounds like it’s time to stop the naps. Try shortening them to 1hr max or just stop them altogether and you should find him being tired enough to fall asleep ‘easily’ at bedtime if not earlier.

Do you read him books at bedtime? Dim light? Bath before bed? Recap of the day/plan for tomorrow? One parent doing bedtime at one time?
I found that these worked well for us and we cut naps out just after she turned 2 for the same reason you’re posting and it worked wonders.

mrsfollowill · 13/05/2022 22:11

That's quite a long nap for his age- have you tried waking him after an hour? Maybe see if you cut it a bit shorter?
I remember being quite experimental when mine was that 2/3. We also never stayed with him while he fell asleep- it was always 'night night see you in the morning' from 2 ish- although I totally get this is sometimes not an option!!
My nephew required us to sit on the stairs with a book while he called out 'are you there still!' yes go to sleep love , My poor sister did that for 7 yrs ! He is 25 now and unscathed in case anyone thinks that's harsh.

BoredYummyMummy · 13/05/2022 22:13

We’re in the same situation but he’s 23 months. We’re cutting his nap as of tomorrow, when he doesn’t nap he’s a little crying ass hole from about 5-6 but then 6:30 he’s sparko until 7am.

Dontax · 13/05/2022 22:13

Definitely sounds like he's not tired enough. My 2 year old dropped naps on and off until now and at 30 months he has about 2 naps a week on average.

Generally the longer gap between sleeps should be the latter part of the day so an earlier shorter nap might help you get him to bed around 7/8 if you want to keep the nap. If you drop it then go with pp suggestion and do 6pm bed.

Endofdaysarehere · 13/05/2022 22:16

As PP have said, he’s sleeping to late in the morning, he needs to be up at 7. With that an hour max for an afternoon nap, ideally asleep by 1pm.

had the exact same problem! You need to be militant about waking up times and length of nap. An extra 5mins in the morning = an extra 30 mins at bedtime.

Its painful to wake a sleeping baby but it’s even more painful to have a non-sleeping one.

Focusonthegood · 13/05/2022 22:17

100% no nap. Mine only had them in the car on busy days at that age a couple of times a week. If they napped too long even in the car they would then be up springing around of an evening so I had to play nursery rhymes to keep them awake!

Hugasauras · 13/05/2022 22:19

Yep, that's a late nap, late wake-up and it will all spiral so consequently late nights. You might need a few tough days of waking him at 7 even if he's been to sleep late, putting him down at midday for an hour or so and then an earlier bedtime. There will be some adjusting and it might be painful, but you basically need to shift his day!

INeedNewShoes · 13/05/2022 22:23

I feel for you OP.

I decided not to stress if they were awake, as long as they weren't upset. So I used to let DD look at books in her cot and play with her Jellycat bunnies.

However, DD dropped the nap at 23 months and then she was back to going to sleep at a decent time. For the first few weeks she was a bit grouchy in the afternoons but she soon adapted and it worked well (although I massively mourned her afternoon nap for my sake!)

NotYourOscarSpeech · 13/05/2022 22:24

Ha, I could have written your post about DS tonight.

He’s only like this when he’s been at nursery, which is unfortunately 4 days a week, because they insist on him napping. I had a bit of a row with them about how long and late they were letting him sleep, allegedly they now only give him an hour between one and two but frankly I think they’re lying to me. He doesn’t nap at all when he’s at home and, miraculously, he’s asleep at 7:30 every single time.

Drop the nap completely - that’s what I would do if it was up to me and my nursery weren’t so full of shit.

RosesAndHellebores · 13/05/2022 22:26

He wakes incredibly late. You can't have it both ways op.

Mine just didn't need oodles of sleep. 8 hours did them Shock. Eventually we realised we were all happier if we all got 7 hours of unbroken sleep and went with the flow.

The other thing I'd mention is molars. I never realised how painful they were until ds was much older (7/8/9) and sat and sobbed in a corner of the sofa as a third molar broke through. The penny then dropped about why there were so many tears at the toddler stage. He was a tough little thing too - already playing rugby at that stage and hadn't cried when he broke his ankle aged 6/7!

PAFMO · 13/05/2022 22:30

It's a perfect storm. He's sleeping too late in the morning, the nap is way too long. So he's not tired till late in the evening, so he wakes up late.
DD dropped her afternoon nap totally at about 15 months. It was hell on earth for about a week. Then fine, she crashed out about 7.30, got up about 7.

allboysherebutme · 13/05/2022 22:31

Maybe you could try to drop the afternoon nap and bring bedtime forward one hour. X

allboysherebutme · 13/05/2022 22:35

Let us know how you get on. X

jugglerofballs · 13/05/2022 22:38

Organictangerine · 13/05/2022 22:09

Drop the nap, very early bedtime eg 6pm?

Agree with this

GalactatingGoddess · 13/05/2022 22:43

As PPs say, I'd shift the wake up gradually to 7am, nap midday, awake by 2, bedtime by 7.30/7.45

Lizziekisss · 13/05/2022 22:43

Drop the nap, very early bedtime, and early dinner/tea when they start getting cranky.I.e tea at 4pm bed at 6pm.

AliceW89 · 13/05/2022 22:43

Average sleep at this age is 10-13h total, of which 10-12 are at night and 0-2 are during the day. Your DS is just not tired enough I’d say. I’d definitely start by getting him up more like 7am. Personally, I’d then have an hours nap 1-2pm with bedtime more 7:30-8pm. Or you could stick with a 1.5h nap and keep bedtime 8-8:30pm ish.

bloodywhitecat · 13/05/2022 22:47

My 25 month old's day is

7am wakes up
12.30pm nap
2pm wakes
6.30pm bedtime, usually asleep by 7

I'd move the wake up time and the nap time.

mynameiscalypso · 13/05/2022 22:48

My DS is a couple of months older but has been in the same pattern for a while. He naps at nursery (4 days a week) but not on the days he's at home and that seems to be an okay balance. We still have one night where he doesn't go to bed until 10pm but he's normally in bed by 9pm. To be honest, I just let him stay up and potter. He sometimes has a bit of our dinner or watches TV with us or reads books. The non-nap data are a bit more of a struggle but I will let him nap in the buggy for 20 mins if he's a mess otherwise we just try to build in some quiet time to the day and ensure he has plenty of food to keep him going.

converseandjeans · 13/05/2022 22:50

DS dropped his nap at 24 months. He was up at 7 and in bed around 8. So I agree with others - he needs to get up earlier, drop the nap or have an earlier nap, and if he does nap go for a later bedtime. It was hard work with DS for a while as he wouldn't even watch TV and chill at lunch for half hour. Then he was worn out tea time onwards. But any sniff of a nap meant he was up til 10.30/11pm.