Newborn hell

[Krimson]

My beautiful son was born on Sunday evening after an intense labour. I was induced on Friday which ended up with the balloon taken out at midnight Saturday. I was then kept in hospital and given an epidural on Sunday at 7am and did not go into labour on Sunday night at 11pm which was a forceps delivery. I only got out of hospital last night at 9pm.

The first 24 hours were a dream however the 2nd night he was very unsettled and I ended up with no sleep however he slept during the day in his bassinet for 3 hour at a time but being in a loud hospital ward it was impossible to get sleeping.

I am currently in newborn hell and unable to sleep last night. My partner is amazing and we are staying at my parents but this baby is up to us to settle. He has had loads of poppy nappies and is drinking well (is forumla fed). I worried he had a stomach bug but phoned maternity who said it wasn't. I am formula feeding.

He screams blue murder with my partner. He hates his moses basket and I have the most success with his baby box on the living room floor as the room seems coolee but this isn't ideal so I am on the sofa I have so far done:

Skin to skin
Rocking
Feeding
Dummies
White noise
Light amps
Changing nappy.
Swaddling
Infacol

Nothing works, he sleeps on me and then refuses to sleep elsewhere despite not doing this in hospital. I have phoned triage but they say nothing to worry about. I dont expect a 3 day old to sleep all night but I cannot continue on no sleep and not being able to put him down. I feel like I've made a terrible mistake and want my old life back. I'm shaking and nauseous with tiredness.

I don't want to co sleep due to risks but can't take much more. I'm away to aboyne maternity to say I feel I don't feel safe and he won't settle on anyone except me. I just need some sleep. I don't went to cosleep due to risks and don't know how to either. Anh advice is needed and grateful

Aww love it is normal and I totally sympathise. DD 4 months still falls asleep on me every time.

We struggled exactly the same at the start. We have a next to me co sleeper and used one of my worn nighties as the sheet and as a blanket. We also kept it in the bed under the quilt during the day so it was warm when needed.

The smell and warmth was enough to keep DD asleep for a couple of hours once I put her down. Just make sure little one has slept on you for a good 20 mins to get them into a deeper sleep first before moving.

Keep going you've got this momma!

Hi OP,

Sorry but this is incredibly normal!! If I knew what I knew now I would definitely have been more relaxed about it all.

He wants to be close to you, that's all. After all, he has been in your tummy for 9 months.

Read up on the 4th trimester.

Big hugs xxx

Tiredness makes everything seems worse than it is. It's detrimental to our MH. You've had an exhausting few days to say the least!!!

Could your partner have him for a few hours for you to catch up on your sleep? Xxx

It's so hard, isn't it.

One thing I found helpful was realising that proper cosleeping - like others have said google the Lullaby Trust guidelines- isn't the risky thing. The risky kind of cosleeping is crashing on the sofa with the baby and not being able to keep your eyes open.

Oh mamma sending you lots and lots of hugs. All of this behaviour is so normal. Baby is just used to the warm comfy sounds of your body and longs for it back. It's very traumatic for them entering a world they've not known before, and therefore seek comfort from the only person they know. If you google the lullaby trust they have information on safe co sleeping. It is scary but it's a life saver to get some sleep. If you are too worried can you and your partner takes shifts on sleeping? You can try putting a tshirt you've worn in the moses basket with him so he can smell you. What are your rocking methods? My LO was terrible for trapped wind unless we got multiple burps out after feeding, and that was with breastfeeding. We found the best method of sitting him on our leg and moving his torso and head in a circular motion. What bottles are you using? If you aren't using anti-colic ones maybe try one and see if thats the issue, unsettling can be from colic which infacol doesn't really help. Is he being sick at all? If he's being sick after each feed a lot he could have reflux. Bare in mind the things I've mentioned are only my personal experience and may not be your babies issues. Try to persevere, it's hard but I promise it gets easier

Ahh - a lovely reminder to get a tubal ligation - thanks OP you’ve done a public service here, I remember what you describe well.

Its all completely normal.
Look up the 4th trimester. You'll see why babies want to sleep on mum to feel safe and close there.
My son also hated his Moses basket and never slept in it.
It's exhausting but those early weeks are just surviving!
But you will do it. And it doesn't seem like it now but honestly it goes by in a flash.
Congratulations on your baby.

I remember the what the hell have we done feeling with my first. I felt totally unprepared even though I had been warned. It is all totally normal and whilst it feels never ending now, you will look back and wonder where that time has gone and how short it was! I ended up doing it again and it was a lot easier to deal with the second time!

Ah this brings back memories... I remember being so bone achingly exhausted in the first few weeks I wasn't sure how I was still functioning. It's so so normal for your baby to not settle for anyone but you and also to not want to sleep without you either.

In desperations I ended up propping myself up in bed and propping firm pillows under my arms and just letting him sleep on my chest while I dozed. Not technically recommended or safe but it was a hell of a lot safer than me never sleeping again! He slept like that for 7 full weeks before I bought a sleepyhead and that was the first time he let me put him down and continue sleeping!

Do what you need to do to get some sleep OP... I also found white noise had to be played surprisingly loud to be of any use. Have you tried swaddling?

You're doing amazingly!

We didn't co-sleep as my partner was really nervous about it, but we did work out a system where the baby slept on us and we took shifts to stay awake. I really wouldn't recommend it, but if your baby will sleep in a moses basket tucked up to your hand, can you put the moses basket by the bed and do that, and then do some shifts?

Ideally you need your DH to be doing lots of the nights if he can, because you are shattered and also it will help him bond with the baby. I am the non-bio mum to my DD, and I did a lot of the nights early on, and honestly, in terms of tiredness it's nothing. Remember you are recovering from birth and he isn't - he will be able to take a few nights sitting up holding a sleeping baby in his stride. If you're not breastfeeding he won't even need to wake you - he could just take the baby during the night and then you could get some unbroken sleep.

OP what you are feeling and what is happening is so normal. Your doing amazing. Keep going and honestly anywhere from two weeks onwards you will know your baby a lot more and what gets him to sleep and get a routine started. Relax when you can. Cry if you need to but remember a few weeks and you will be enjoying your little one

I could have written this.

I wish I could have another chance to see that it was normal but how was I suppose to know when DC was my first.

I found it hell. I wanted my old life back. I wanted sleep.

I think because you had an exhausting labour it didn't start off well. You were exhausted before you started.

He just wants to sleep on you. It's your smell, you're his mummy. Look up first trimester.

Know that what you're feeling is normal (although if it stays it could be PND but right now it's exhaustion and hormones).

Try and sleep when he sleeps. Could you catch up on sleep and let your husband have him for a few hours.

Hugs and congratulations xx

I'm so sorry to read this OP.It will get better and congrats.I always feel sad when I read these posts from new mothers completely unprepared for the endurance test that those first weeks provide.it is tough physically just when your hormones are in chaos.It gets better and all I can say is plod along from one day to the next and you will get to six weeks and then twelve weeks and sixteen weeks and you will be enjoying your baby who smiles and laughs and sometimes manages three hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Mine is 15 months now- and yes, totally was like yours for the first few weeks. She’s the third so less of a shock, but still so exhausting and all consuming and terrifying! I got two pairs of really good ear plugs off Amazon. I went to bed when my big kids did ( about 8) and slept till midnight with my ear plugs in. That was dad’s time with her. He was allowed to wake me if she was Ill or something emergency based. He wasn’t allowed to sleep on his watch. At 11.30 she’d get a bottle and then he’d bring her up to me at midnight. He got quite good at getting her to sleep in her bouncy chair with my t shirt on it. I know it’s not recommended they sleep in them- but she was watched like a hawk!. He slept midnight to 8 with his ear plugs in and got up with the big kids for school runs. I sometimes slept between midnight and eight, but often didn’t. It was bare able though as I’d had 4 hours and tried to catch a nap in the day whilst big kids were at school. It does pass. Eventually. It doesn’t feel like it in the night. But eventually it does. She sleeps pretty well now! You’re doing great.

At that age I used to hold him for 20 minutes after he fell asleep and then once he was in a deep sleep, I'd set him down so slowly and carefully in to his moses basket and just pray he didn't wake up! If he did wake I'd have to get him back to sleep and hold him another 20 minutes before setting him down again but I usually got a few 2 hour stretches of sleep at night doing this. It is so tough but it will get better!

You shouldn’t cosleep if you are formula feeding , there’s a lot of reasons for this. The side cribs are really good so you can sleep near the baby but not have the baby in with you.
I know people might disagree with me but I actually thought it was general knowledge re formula and cosleeping, my dc weren’t born in the UK but I was reminded about this constantly by professionals, mums who bf tend to sleep lighter as do bf babies , bf mums wake on let down etc etc. there’s many more reasons. I bf but I definitely wouldn’t co sleep if formula feeding , it isn’t safe. Put the baby beside you in a crib that attaches to the bed and you can put your hand out to sooth them etc. 3 hour stretches is totally normal too!

And it’ll definitely get better op!