Newborn hell

[Krimson]

My beautiful son was born on Sunday evening after an intense labour. I was induced on Friday which ended up with the balloon taken out at midnight Saturday. I was then kept in hospital and given an epidural on Sunday at 7am and did not go into labour on Sunday night at 11pm which was a forceps delivery. I only got out of hospital last night at 9pm.

The first 24 hours were a dream however the 2nd night he was very unsettled and I ended up with no sleep however he slept during the day in his bassinet for 3 hour at a time but being in a loud hospital ward it was impossible to get sleeping.

I am currently in newborn hell and unable to sleep last night. My partner is amazing and we are staying at my parents but this baby is up to us to settle. He has had loads of poppy nappies and is drinking well (is forumla fed). I worried he had a stomach bug but phoned maternity who said it wasn't. I am formula feeding.

He screams blue murder with my partner. He hates his moses basket and I have the most success with his baby box on the living room floor as the room seems coolee but this isn't ideal so I am on the sofa I have so far done:

Skin to skin
Rocking
Feeding
Dummies
White noise
Light amps
Changing nappy.
Swaddling
Infacol

Nothing works, he sleeps on me and then refuses to sleep elsewhere despite not doing this in hospital. I have phoned triage but they say nothing to worry about. I dont expect a 3 day old to sleep all night but I cannot continue on no sleep and not being able to put him down. I feel like I've made a terrible mistake and want my old life back. I'm shaking and nauseous with tiredness.

I don't want to co sleep due to risks but can't take much more. I'm away to aboyne maternity to say I feel I don't feel safe and he won't settle on anyone except me. I just need some sleep. I don't went to cosleep due to risks and don't know how to either. Anh advice is needed and grateful

Read up on Co sleeping safely. I bf mine and Co slept with both although I was successful in getting both to sleep in the pram. I also needed 3 hours of n bed on my own and I did achieve that
if your pram is safe for overnight sleeping try getting someone else to push them out until they fall asleep. It can take a bit of practice and Just wheel the pram in the house. I tend to leave mine outside to sleep during the day but our garden is secure

warn the basket, next to me up with a hot water bottle bed you put them down.

mine slept either on a sheepskin or a fleece blanket and my eldest likes to be wrapped in a fleece blanket. I am aware there was a risk to this although it was small.

pick your moment to move the baby, it’s between 5 and 10mins after they’ve nodded off and you can lift their arm up and it’s loose and doesn’t disturb them. Make sure it’s ready where you are going to put them. I used to wrap mine in a blanket feed to sleep then move in to the basket which I had warmed up
wearing a basket sheet down your top so it smells of you also helps
good luck it does get easier

Make sure you are winding properly before lying down.
Gripe water helped mine but need to be a few weeks I think.
My second would only take a bottle in the night semi upright. I used the baby carrier then had to walk her round.
they are all different. You'll find what works.

But if you are worried I recommend writing down hours awake, recording nappies etc. My first had real problems and I was patted on the head with 'oh it's just a newborn'. Writing it down helped me show health visitor more clearly there was an issue. We ended up back in hospital in quite a serious position which was awful at time but did get to the bottom of things (he had a urine infection and severe jaundice)

Congrats on your baby!

Just echoing others really. It's the biggest shock of your life isn't it.

Take it in turns with DH whilst he's off, alternate nights.

Plenty of skin to skin.

When you think about it, they've only known you for the 9 months they've been growing.
It's a sort of panic for them when they can't smell you, hear your HB etc.

Don't be hard on yourself, take it easy and rest when you can.

As others have said, totally normal. Think it's described as the 4th trimester
Baby has been tucked up safely in you and suddenly they're out in the big wide world. They don't want to be put down. They want to be held and that's fine.
I spent the first few weeks with my first with her asleep on my chest.
Not much advice I'm afraid other than it WILL get better. I know how unhelpful that sounds because I remember those first few torturous weeks but then they're actually such a small period of time in the grand scheme of things.
Take things a day at a time. Let other people hold the baby while you sleep. Don't worry about how much baby is held. This phase will pass

Totally normal! Every child I have I say I will find a way not to co-sleep this time, I am quickly reminded that the baby is completely in charge of this decision. I end up having to have the baby sleeping on my chest with partner keeping watch. Then we’d swap.

You’re really early days. Make sure your partner is persistent in being able to offer the same, don’t get into the trap of you being the only one who can provide comfort. The baby will get use to their smell.
Good luck and congratulations!

Oh my darling, I could have written this. In ten years together, I’ve seen my DH cry twice - once was when his mum died, and once was when our DS was a few days old and would not sleep. We were both so exhausted that we ended up in tears that night.

We had a co-sleeper, which helped a bit - I was unable to lie on my side due to lingering SPD so cosleeping didn’t really work. DS did start to settle a bit better quite quickly - the worst night for us was the night when my milk came in and he was ravenous! I know you’re formula feeding but it may be similar, after those first couple of days when they’re tired from the birth, they suddenly get hungry.

If you can at least doze during the day that will help, and remind yourself that although the road is hard, it will get better, it truly will. You are doing a great job.

I promise it will get easier and also your hormones are still settling down so once they do it will all seem a bit less arrrgh! Hang on in there.

Newborns are absolute dicks. Sorry. As pp said, you’re also entering into this thoroughly exhausted from a tough labour, so you don’t have your usual resilience to withstand the hell.

It does get better! You’re in the trenches right now: focus on survival, not on trying to do anything about it.

Thanks all for your messages. We had a little progress, I put his moses basket right next to the bed and put my nighty on as a sheet. After he had fallen asleep on me I put him in the moses basket using a blanket instead of swaddle blanket and he slept like that for 3 hours with my hand in as comfort. I'm hoping when we use the next to me as he will see me it will make a difference.

I'm confused on co sleeping. We don't have a spare bed here to utilise my DH sleeping elsewhere and it doesn't seem to be recommended for babies who formula feed (breast feeding is not an option due to blood thinners I am on). Has anyone done it for those that formula feed. How do you co sleep?

It was a couple of weeks before mine would sleep in the bedside crib and not on me. My partner and I did shifts during the night. It’s really tough.

I saw a great tip on here which helped a lot. Pull the next to me mattress onto your bed next to you. Settle the baby on you and once they’re asleep then gently lower them in your arms onto the mattress. Remove your arms and slide the mattress over into the bedside crib. Voila!

There is a useful co-sleeping page on Facebook called "U.K. Co-Sleepers" that you might find helpful

You can co-sleep if formula feeding, the reason they recommend it is better when breastfeeding is baby naturally goes to breast height and breastfeeding mothers are supposed to be more aware even in sleep.

Co-sleeping is perfectly safe if you provide the right environment, I would suggest even if you'd rather not that you still set your bed up just incase you fall asleep with baby in your bed, so at least it's safe

So baby needs separate blankets to you, a sleeping bag it good. A lot of parents don't have any blankets on themselves at all, just dress very warm. Some choose to remove all pillows as well. Then you sleep in a kind of C position around the baby.

I really recommend that page for advice. Wishing you well xxx

Congratulations!!!!

The next to me crib will definitely help, saved my sanity in the early days, especially since I’d never co-sleep, too risky.

I’d put her down into the crib, give her a dummy(lifesaver), put white noise on Alexa and fall asleep with my hand in her crib.

Next to me crib combined with a doc a tot/sleepyhead was amazing for my newborn. A few days in does seem to be the hardest so take it easy on yourself, get OH to do as much as he can including taking the baby even if they do scream as he needs to build a bond and will get there in the end. Give you time to have a bath or a nap etc, take baby for a walk out the house etc so you can switch off a little and feel half human again. It's so incredibly hard thee first few weeks but slowly you'll find you get yourself into some sort of routine it just falls into place and it becomes a little easier xx

Reading your post was almost word for word me back in November. Something we did was other half had baby downstairs with him, I went to bed as soon as he came in late evening so I could sleep from say 9-midnight/1am as during the evening the hormones that produce milk are strongest at night so baby could smell me (she is formula fed but it takes a while for body to catch up on that!) and having that distance she would eventually settle and he'd be able to put her down. We tried everything you've been doing but that really helped my sanity just getting a few hours solid sleep, plus it was nice for him to have some time alone with her, he's a night owl so thankfully didn't bother him. Also swaddling, we tried the wraps and she hates them, likes to sleep with her arms above her head, but was swaddled her with a cellular blanket snug from under arms and down and that seemed to comfort her. Apparently from 8/9 weeks they start producing melatonin so it starts to regulate them knowing the difference from night and day a bit more, 8 weeks almost to the day and it was like a switch flipped. Really feel your pain - you think you're going to break - you won't! It does get better but when people told me that I wanted to slap them. Good luck and of course, big congrats on your baby!!

Just breathe. Pop your baby down some place safe. Go take a shower or eat or have a coffee, just take 10 mins.

your baby is days old abs this is all normal. Your baby knows nothing and nobody except you. Let them sleep on you abs your partner. You guys will need to take shifts regardless if he works or not.

consistency is key. Make sure your baby is warm enough. Use the same white noise for all naps / bedtimes (not one that goes off, one that stays all night).

you’ll get there, te first few weeks are the toughest but I do miss them, my girl is 6 months and won’t sleep on us only her cot, soak up those cuddles, they don’t last for long!

Oh and a friend gave me a sleepyhead, lots of people say they're a no no for unsupervised sleeping, well at a week old I reasoned my baby can barely move her head let alone roll over, she seemed to find the snug sides comforting and slept really well in it.

Oh and a friend gave me a sleepyhead, lots of people say they're a no no for unsupervised sleeping, well at a week old I reasoned my baby can barely move her head let alone roll over, she seemed to find the snug sides comforting and slept really well in it.

Second night syndrome. Completely normal. You need to give him to your partner whilst you sleep for a couple of hours. Your partner will just need to rock him and feed him and let you rest. Don't get into this mindset that only you can calm him down and soothe him or you'll be making a rod for your own back.

You will feel 100 times better when you've had some sleep. It's crazy what difference sleep makes. Sending you love

I'm sorry it's so hard but this is exactly what happened with my newborn. For the first weeks I actually just stayed up all night with him asleep on me as he wouldn't settle in his crib and I was afraid to fall asleep/cosleep. My husband would take him in the morning and I'd get some rest. He did eventually go in his crib (I actually had to move it away from the bed and he settled a lot better.) It does get better.

I'm sorry it's so hard but this is exactly what happened with my newborn. For the first weeks I actually just stayed up all night with him asleep on me as he wouldn't settle in his crib and I was afraid to fall asleep/cosleep. My husband would take him in the morning and I'd get some rest. He did eventually go in his crib (I actually had to move it away from the bed and he settled a lot better.) It does get better.

Sleepyhead saved my sanity, and a swaddle. Sleepyhead arent advised for night sleep (although no babies have ever died in one) but i chose to use it overnight in the next to me crib because i risk assessed that it was safer than in bed with me. He did tons better in the sleepyhead and a swaddle. It is so hard in those early weeks and months. Its a massuve adjustment and shock to the system. But it is all normal and it will get easier.

I didn’t want to co sleep but I had to for a while when mine were born. The midwife said to me it’s safer to co sleep then fall asleep whilst holding baby. Then they all of a sudden grow out of it and will sleep in the next to me or whatever you have. Just do what you need to do to survive. I had to do contact naps and I just used the time to sit and watch tv, and then I suddenly realised that she wouldn’t sleep on me in the day like that and it was a bit sad. Try and enjoy it, I wish I embraced the early days of sitting on the couch and snuggling more rather than thinking I should be doing more.

Oh yes and agree that sleepyhead was amazing for us too, we also used overnight and it made such a difference.

I had an extremely traumatic birth emcs under general - sepsis and some other complications , I was hallucinating with sleep dep and didn’t trust anyone to touch my baby apart from my partner ,ended up with PTSD, I totally get how you feel. You haven’t had a chance to catch up on sleep with that bad birth especially being on the hell ward , you need to take it turns to sleep in shifts , that will be easier because your formula feeding. Can you stand to be away from the baby at all and manage to sleep? Because if you can just give them to your partner or parents for the day and go to bed to sleep. In the evenings split up the nights do half each -get some ear plugs . I know how hard it is though to sleep when you hear the baby crying your mother instincts are there and it is hard to sleep through that.

Mine had a toungue tie and barely slept I don’t know how I survived but I did. You will get through it , 12 weeks seems to be when they settle down. Try walking in the buggy outside that’s distracting although hard when your exhausted. Skin to skin in the bath sometimes calms them. It’s such a shock being first time mum I expected a nice calm water birth and a new born who slept constantly I had a big shock x

Oh and haven’t read the replies but a sling is worth a try, also a battery powered swinging chair ? ( not sure the proper name 😄) next to me cot is good idea too.

I was terrified of co sleeping but gave in after a couple of months - hoodie in your top half sheet wrapped around your bottom half place baby above your head, take away all pillows and have no gaps around the bed also kick partner out to the sofa. X