Have I ruined our chances of breastfeeding?

[eastofeden86]

Hi all, I’d love some advice please.

I gave birth to my daughter (first baby) 4 days ago. It ended up being a long, difficult delivery - induction, epidural, ventouse - and sadly resulted in a massive haemorrhage for me. I was wheeled off to theatre in a huge panic so there was no ‘golden hour’ - my husband was left alone in a delivery room covered in blood and given a bottle to feed our daughter.

In hospital they initially tried to help me establish a latch and express colostrum but I was really not in a great place - 3 nights with no sleep, a long delivery and the effects of losing almost 3 litres of blood meant I was almost delirious. And baby was showing signs of an infection. Eventually the neo natal team said just to concentrate on feeding her formula to get me through the night (husband wasn’t able to stay after 8pm).

Now we’re home and despite a couple of successful breastfeeds, daughter won’t latch - or if she does she won’t suck. We’re basically exclusively formula feeding - not what we wanted at all - but she gets so distressed by attempts at breastfeeding. I’ve had a video call with the council infant feeding team and am going to an in person session this week, but I’m really worried I’ve ruined our chances of breastfeeding by relying on formula while we were in hospital. I now wish I’d tried harder.

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions? Or just reassuring words?!

sorry for the incredibly long post, just needed to get it all out.

No you haven't - 4 days in is nothing - you can still change. Have you seen the hospital lactation consultant? You might have to be insistant that you really want to do it but they should be able to help you. I wil say one thing, the earlier the better so if you can start now all the better - just keep attempting to latch, express a little milk to tempt baby and loads of skin to skin and get some help. You can do this if it's what you want. Good luck.

You have done the right thing by asking for help from your local council resource.
I used to be a breastfeeding peer supporter a long time ago, I am not current I warn you, but IIRC skin to skin contact will help things along (a day in bed with baby is useful if you can), and if you can, get some advice on latching on in real life. Nose to nipple is roughly right, so that when your baby opens mouth and tilts her head back she will be in roughly the right place to latch on comfortably.

Also .. www.laleche.org.uk or www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/feeding/early-days/breastfeeding-support-nct have online chat supports available.

Good luck !

I’m sorry you had such a difficult time. It’s great that you’ve managed a couple of successful feeds- that will really help. I recommend getting some one to one support from a lactation consultant rather than waiting for a group. La Leche League should be able to help you find someone: www.laleche.org.uk/call/ I had brilliant help from them when I was having trouble getting breastfeeding established.

This sounds ridiculous but it worked for me… try to feed her when she is asleep. Just rub your nipple on her nose and see if she will latch on. The sucking instinct can be stronger when they’re sleepy.

Also, if it doesn’t work out for you, remember that lots of people don’t manage to breastfeed, it’s nothing you’ve done wrong.

You haven’t ruined your chances of breastfeeding.

I was in hospital for a week and my baby was formula fed during that week as he had a severe tongue tie so he wasn’t able to latch. He is now 16 months old and he is breastfed.

My advice is keep putting your baby to your breasts, lots of skin to skin contact and use a cushion or pillow to aid with different positions. Look up videos of breastfeeding positions on YouTube. You could also hand express to keep your supply up. keep nagging the breastfeeding team for help and advice. Most people have latching issues initially. It takes time to establish breastfeeding. The first 4-6 weeks are tough and then it gets easier. Also, be prepared for cluster feeding.

The kellymom website is excellent. It has great tips regarding breastfeeding.

You haven't blown it lovely! If it's important to you then take all the help you can- a lactation consultant can turn everything around for you. In meantime plenty of skin to skin, go off grid for a day and just lie in bed with your baby and drink as much water as you can. A family sized bar of chocolate can't hurt either. Be kind to yourself

It’s really not too late. Don’t feel bad, you had a difficult birth and needed to recover and rest.lots of skin to skin with baby, keep her close to
you and your breasts. Try and keep latching her on as often as possible. My DS would get incredibly frustrated initially as I think the flow was too slow for him and he got frustrated. Hand express a few drops and put them on her lips so she can taste the milk before trying to latch. All the best.

Get a lactation consultant. At 4 weeks, I discovered I had a low supply and a LC put Mr on a plan to increase my supply. It was gruelling about 2 weekd but it worked! Two months later and I'm exclusively breastfeeding. Baby is thriving. At the time, I thought I'd left it too late and was distraught! The lactation consultant was amazing and I cannot emphasise how crucial it is to get good support early!

It’s not too late, but you’ll need to use some formula to help you get going. I would attempt feeding hourly in the day, plenty of skin to skin. When doing too ups it’s better to stretch them out so 30ml after every feed over 24hours rather than replacing a whole feed.

The body will respond to the demand, you have to hold the back of their head more firmly than you might think, and make sure you’re doing nose to nipple.

After a traumatic time make sure you basically eat drink and rest to help your body bring the milk in too. Good luck, and don’t beat yourself up over whatever happens next.

I now wish I’d tried harder.

please don't think this, you must not beat yourself up like that - its extremely unfair to yourself

my milk didn’t come in for 5 days after my first and he had formula as well.
He had a couple of blood tests and after the pain of those he was very keen to latch on after those so you might find the day five heel prick test helps. Other than that lots of skin to skin and always offer the breast before a bottle. Bottle feed to schedule and in between offer the breast if they are hungry.

Try nipple shields for a few feeds as the shield is similar to the texture of a bottle.
or as others have said- express a few drops of milk first so baby knows what it is.
It’s only 4 days in, you can give it a good try

You are so amazing, you have been through an incredibly traumatic experience and your main concern is feeding your baby.

La leche is a good contact. Perseverance is your friend!

Just keep trying you and baby are both still learning this. 4 days is not going to have made any difference to whether she will or won't take to the breast.

She likes the bottle because its easier but if you keep trying the breast your milk supply will increased and let down will improve and she will like it.

I cant recommend combi feeding enough, in the first few weeks! Especially as it sounds like youve all been through the wringer!
a little drop of formula and a little expressed milk will have baby getting best of both.
try :

       using a nipple shield, same or similar shape to the bottle brand.  <ul><li>checking baby isnt tongue tied!!</li><li>Using a size zero teat so the breast doesnt seem like hard work compared to a fast flowing bottle </li><li>dont martyr yourself to feed! You are as important as the baby and you need to be sane and happy and ENJOY your baby</li></ul>

i had a section, baby was jaundice ( sleepy) and tongue tied. Baby never latched without a shield until 4 months old. BUT im glad as it took the pressure off me to be constantly feeding etc. i was able to drop the formula entirely and was glad of the formula for the first, intense weeks!

also. Dont bloody triple feed. Its Hell. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise, just get your supply going, make sure youre feeding or expressing between 12-3am ( v important) if you can express or feed a few times a day - magic. Theyll tell you 8-12 times and thats laughable.

*we re still goinh at 14 months.

OP, I just wanted to say you are doing so well - the early days are very tough going. The best advice I was given by a friend is that the first 6 weeks are just about surviving each day, don't worry about anything beyond that.

With regards feeding you have absolutely not ruined your chances of breast feeding. I had planned to exclusively breast feed but due to tongue tie that couldn't be resolved until 5 weeks (delay due to Covid restrictions on treatment during lockdown) I had to rely a lot on formula in the early weeks. I was really disappointed. But I managed to get back to almost full breastfeeding (feeding only one bottle formula per day from 6 weeks) and continued breastfeeding until my son was 16mths.

I won't lie, feeding in those early weeks wasn't easy at all. It took every bit of determination I had to persevere with breastfeeding. I'm glad I did it but can completely understand why others in a similar situation may have chosen to stick with formula.

I recommend getting advice from breastfeeding specialists. I unfortunately got some very bad advice from well meaning midwives in the early days.

Don't worry, 4 days is nothing. It took me 3 weeks to get BFing to work with my DS - and I'd had to have a c-section so was a bit out of it for first few hours!

Also 'you' haven't 'ruined' anything - you were unlucky that some bad things happened to you, none of it is your fault!

You haven’t ruined anything! Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Your family and especially you have been through a huge trauma.

Fed is best for your daughter. Breastfeeding is really really hard, for mother and baby. Do not see it as a failure if it doesn’t happen, it’s just not meant to be. You’ve both had a difficult start to your time together. Some babies really don’t take to breastfeeding, it’s a lot harder for then to get the technique than bottle feeding. If your daughter is resistant respect her choice and don’t blame yourself. There’s enough guilt involved in being a mother. Focus on your recovery.

Just woken up after our second night at home - an enormous improvement on our first, when DD screamed the house down! She didn’t latch, but she fed and slept well and that’s something.

THANK YOU all for your kind words and advice. I really, really needed that. I am going to persevere (the day in bed sounds bloody great tbh!) and am looking into lactation consultants. But as some of you said, I need to be open to the idea that if this doesn’t happen for us it isn’t the end of the world. I have a beautiful baby girl either way.

Again, thank you all so much xx

She just latched with nipple shields! Only for 5 mins and I don’t know how much she actually got from it, but she stayed on and sucked. Woohoo!

Hi @eastofeden86 ,

I have combi fed for six months, and nipple shields really seem to help switching between breast and bottle. I would also suggest trying to get your baby to latch on in the side lying position, as it's less work for them to latch on from that position.

I stayed overnight on the maternity ward for a few days after my DS was born and found this was the easiest position to get him to latch on, once a midwife showed me how. The MW stressed that you should put your hand behind the baby's shoulders (not their head) to keep them in this position. It's ok if your arm is resting behind their head, but any holding by your hand to keep them in position needs to be on the shoulders.

The picture in this website is pretty much exactly how I did it when DS was younger (once they are older they can get into their sides independently and don't need as much of your help to breastfeed in this position). www.healthline.com/health/breastfeeding/side-lying-breastfeeding

If you don't have a pump, then you should get one to help keep your supply up until your baby is latching regularly.

Ach op, youll never know how much shes had with breast anyways ! Well done girls. !
mind change her to the other boob. Or change her wee napy to rouse her.
youll start to recognise the feeling in your boobs

My son needed formula at hospital as well and had a shaky start to breastfeeding. We ended up breastfeeding for nearly two years so don't worry it hopefully is possible for you too just keep seeking support. Good luck!

Not read all the replies but no you definitely can still breastfeed. My baby took several days to take to it and then was properly feeding after a week. I put her nose to the breast before every bottle feed, sometimes she latched on, sometimes not, sometimes she took a few sucks. Eventually she got it. Lots of skin to skin too and pump to maintain your supply x

You can definitely do this!

Don't do anything else for at least a week. Spend as much time skin to skin in bed / on couch and try to latch her every time she so much as stirs. Don't be tempted to switch to the bottle too quickly for each feed - babies do cry especially when establishing feeding.

Try loads of different holds and positions. My niece struggles to feed on one side but is a dream on the other for example.

I used to use a manual pump for 2 minutes which not only encouraged let down / flow but also pulled my nipple out into a more latchable shape so maybe try that.

Also someone told me that when they are sucking / cluster feeding / comfort sucking they are putting in their order for tomorrow! So the first few weeks can be your body constantly upping production to meet baby's hunger - but it can only do that if you keep stimulating nipples / attempting to feed.