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Parenting

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Original poster

Not gender disappointment as such…

35 replies

Cinnabomb · 03/05/2022 13:57

Ok please don’t tear me to shreds…. Not really sure why I’m posting as I know these always go down badly.

2nd and likely last pregnancy, just found out we are having a boy, already have DD. I’m suddenly so so sad about not having another daughter. Not so much disappointed it’s a boy, just that it’s not a girl, if that makes sense? Really sad packing up the baby girls clothes etc

might be as DH has made it abundantly clear already that he would never consider a 3rd.

I know I’m very lucky to have healthy children, we actually had fertility problems, losses and horrendous prev pregnancy/ birth/ NICU/ DD nearly died etc so please don’t lecture me about not knowing how lucky I am! I know IABU just not sure why I suddenly feel this way when I didn’t care before the scan!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Rrrunrunrunrunrun · 03/05/2022 14:00

Totally get this. I feel the same and wanted dd to have a sister.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/05/2022 14:02

yanbu- when only having 2 children you always lose an option.
I will never have a son- to most people they think I should try for a boy-i focus on the fact i have sisters- you focus on the fact you have one of each!

Original poster

Cinnabomb · 03/05/2022 14:19

Thanks for the understanding answers…. It mostly is about a sister for Dd. I have absolutely no relationship with my brother and have this idea that 2 of the same would be closer, whether that is boys or girls. I don’t know any siblings of different sex that get on? It’s not even that my DD is girly, she’s perfectly happy climbing and likes dinosaurs etc

@OnlyFoolsnMothers how old are yours and do they play together? I just have this vision that it’s going to be non stop bickering…. Nothing in common. Mainly framed by my own sibling experience

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/05/2022 14:23

too young at the moment to say- eldest is 4 and my youngest is 18months- I don't think my eldest is that bothered, right now she just seems jealous. I hope they will play together when older- BUT being a sister myself, I can tell you the bickering is a hell of a lot worse between teenage girls.

intwrferingma · 03/05/2022 14:24

My DD has an older brother. He is ace. She is ace. They tempered each other. They are in their twenties now, and still get on. When they were little they were world class players - huge imaginations. I never needed to intervene. God they were great!

I had a sister. I can barely bare to speak to her these days!

So I'm not going to tear you to shreds - just say dont worry!

BendingSpoons · 03/05/2022 14:26

I have DD6 and DS3. They are best friends! DD is quite risk adverse, and DS is more physically confident, which has helped DD. They do argue but I don't think that is because of their sex.

I have a younger brother. I think it was helpful in some ways that we had some different interests, so there was less comparison. Again we argued but broadly got on and get on now as adults.

MaraScottie · 03/05/2022 14:28

I have a boy and a girl, 2 years apart, and they are great pals. They play together all the time. Not saying they never fight or bicker but all siblings do, regardless of gender! I cried too btw when I found out I was having a boy. Felt exactly like you did.

Congrats though - I think you just need a bit of time to get your head around it.

P.S Boys are cool though. I have so much fun with my boy, he's an absolute ticket.

TulipsGarden · 03/05/2022 14:29

All siblings bicker. I have friends who are close with their same-sex and opposite-sex siblings, and equally friends who are estranged from them. You can't guarantee they'll get on, any more than you can guarantee what sexes you'll get in the first place.

Timeforanamechang · 03/05/2022 14:41

I have one of each who adore each other. My brother and I message almost every day and video call every week. I can't imagine getting on better with a sister. It will be OK, enjoy having one of each!

90sBritPop · 03/05/2022 14:49

Hi OP, me and my DB were thick as thieves when we were younger. We were like a little gang, we did bicker but then I would have with a sister too but we looked out for each other, played games together. My niece and nephew are now the same. I feel a brother/sister childhood relationship is so under valued in society. At least they won’t fight over boyfriends or steal each others clothes (well you never know 😂) What I’m trying to say is, I know you can’t help how you feel but don’t think your DD having a brother is in anyway detrimental, if she had a DS it’s not guaranteed they’d get on anyway.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 03/05/2022 14:58

DH and I both have a brother. We are both closer to my brother.. he hasn't actually seen his on about 5 years. All communication through his parents.

My brother has been my rock over the years. My DDs love their uncle.

Whether siblings get on is pot luck really. My two aunts have regular falling outs and don't speak for months...

When your little boy is here, he will be your world (along with elder DD) and it won't matter. At the moment you are grieving a hypothetical. Many of us have that picture in their heads of their family. But it all disappears once reality arrives.

summerlovinvibes · 03/05/2022 14:59

summerlovinvibes · 03/05/2022 15:02

Sorry didn't mean to post the above! I'm glad I came across this thread. I'm expecting my second and probably last baby. Yet to find out the gender in 4 weeks time, but I'm already nervous for the answer! I've always felt I'd like 2 of the same due to me being so close to siblings of the same sex but I'm also aware of the issues. So it's really good to read this thread as it has reassured me that what ever this little baby is, it can work both ways. Thanks @OP for starting it.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 03/05/2022 15:03

I have older sister and younger brother. We're each about a year to 18 month apart in ages. Younger we played together, teens we wished each other dead. Now we get on really well. My brother and I live closer so we have a friendship group with him where we get together once a month for cocktail night. My dh is the first person he rang to tell people SIL was pregnant again the other day, dh is like an older brother to him.

My sister we get on well with too but she lives further away.

drspouse · 03/05/2022 15:12

I think you are projecting TBH.
Many sisters hate each other; I have DS and DD and though they bounce off each other, they are also best of friends.
I was not close to my DB in my teens but we are now (in our 50s!) really good allies against the world/our parents' notions that they can be independent forever/our DM's notion that she can run our lives and those of our own DCs.
We were also playmates through our early and mid childhood, it was only in those secondary school years when we didn't get on and frankly loads of sisters don't either.
I suspect my DB has finally grown up and realised I'm better at stuff than him (took him long enough).

SuziSecondLaw · 03/05/2022 15:18

I have two older girls and when I found out my third was going to be a boy I was really disappointed. It was just that girls were familiar I guess, and I couldn't imagine loving a boy as much as a girl (ridiculous obviously).

But oh my goodness I love my boy more than I could possibly imagine. Hes 15 months now and he's incredibly cute and absolutely beautiful. He loves constant cuddles and is a very reserved, quiet, gentle little thing. I'm just completely obsessed with his little cheeks!! Anyway.. My point is, you'll be fine. It's ok to have a preference one way or another, but as soon as he's here you'll forget all about it and be totally overwhelmed with love and amazement at how perfect he is.

2ndTimeRound90 · 03/05/2022 15:22

If its any reassurance, I have two brothers and do not miss having a sister at all! I have a great bond with both of them and we are fairly close as adults. I also have a son and he is just the best 💙 so loving and affectionate. He's our first and before children I had always hoped I would have a daughter, but now that I have my son I would be perfectly happy if all our children ended up being boys!

Katela18 · 03/05/2022 15:25

I have 3 brothers, I'm the only girl.

I have very close relationships with all 3 and love having brothers.

I have cousins who are two girls and they only talk at family occasions.

Ultimately their future relationships have nothing to do with their sex but their personalities

SallyWD · 03/05/2022 15:30

You can't help how you feel. Don't beat yourself up! Just acknowledge your feelings and then try and look forward to your little boy. I have one of each and have to say I love it! I'm so pleased I have one of each although I know that 2 girls or 2 boys would also have been lovely. Once your little boy is here I think you'll forget about this disappointment completely. My 2 get on very well and I have brothers I'm very close to. I think the brother/sister relationship can be lovely.

whoruntheworldgirls · 03/05/2022 15:35

I know exactly how you feel, same situation in that i never got along with my brother, see most of the mixed siblings i know fighting a lot but same genders generally getting along great and having the same interests.
It's why even though my daughter is nearly 6 i still can't decide whether to have a second :-( it honestly drives me crazy.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, sounds like you've had some tough times to get there.

Littlemissprosecco · 03/05/2022 15:41

Congratulations op!
I had two dds when I found out my third was a ds Yes I honestly was disappointed and really worried I didn’t even want him, And wouldn’t bond
But when he arrived….. OMG the connection was instant, and still is. His two sisters immediately fell in love too!
Dont worry he’ll be absolutely gorgeous

TheDuchessOfMN · 03/05/2022 15:41

I wonder if this is about issues surrounding your past losses and fertility issues, letting go of your DD’s babyhood (you said that you’re sad to pack away the baby girls’ clothes)?

ReeseWitherfork · 03/05/2022 15:47

I love my brother and sister equally and have just as much fun with both. DH is probably closer to his sister than his brother. I think it’s easy to imagine how relationships might play out but I think they’ve got a good chance of being very close.

DaisyDaisydoo · 03/05/2022 15:52

It’s probably more to do with it being your last, and a girl is what you know. I had a girl then a boy and I felt the same before I found out I was having a boy. Surprised at how delighted I was when I found out. You will of course adore him beyond words and having one of each really is amazing. I understand how you’re feeling though and I mean this in the kindest way- You’re getting a son, it’s so exciting! Enjoy!

Peoplepissmeoff · 03/05/2022 15:59

🙄People always seem to be disappointed with boys it seems. Many will tell you how lucky you are to have "one of each", try focusing on that. By the way boys are wonderful, I should know, I have 3 of them!

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