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Original poster

Is my husband being unreasonable??

58 replies

lavender91 · 02/05/2022 12:51

Sorry for the rant first of all, but I don't know what else to do..
My husband is a very fussy person, likes things to be just so. Especially around the house. Things have to be exactly where he put them.
We have a 7 month old baby and my husband works from home full time. Overall he is a great husband and dad and we never normally argue or even rarely disagree, but the last couple of days have been awful.
He doesn't think that looking after a baby is full on, and expects the house to be spotless all the time. (Didn't like that occasionally I will leave dirty washing upstairs/ not empty his nappy bin, while I have to feed/change/ see to baby who feeds every 1.5/2 hours and makes a fuss if he's left on his own for more than 5 minutes
He said I manage to exercise, watch the TV or read a book,(which is very rare) so why cant I do these things.
I said looking after the baby will come before the housework, which I do do, but just not to his standards, where nothing can be out of place.
Husband will occasionally feed him, has probably changed about 10 nappies since he was born, as he says he hates doing it.
I appreciate that he works and looks after us in this way.
Also, we are going on holiday abroad with his parents at the weekend. I said to dh that I was going to sort my packing out this weekend just gone. While I was doing it, sorting my clothes and baby's clothes, I asked for some help. I just asked some normal questions. Eg. Do you think the baby will need this/that etc. I got told I was being ridiculous, I'm a grown woman, I should be able to pack for myself and the baby and by asking him for help I was wasting his weekend and I should've done it sooner.
I've been so upset and dont know what to do, and now feel uncomfortable in my own house, like I might put something in the wrong place or say the wrong thing.
Please help

OP posts:
PurpleThursdays · 02/05/2022 17:22

Eurghh. I had one like this too. I showed him the door.

MrMrsJones · 02/05/2022 17:25

Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2022 12:54

Your husband is a prick. He's not a great husband or good father. He's a controlling, bullying twat.

If this is how he is now, I greatly fear for the future of your relationship.

Totally agree with this....

He can do half the cooking, childcare, you can do the housework, if your not working.

Better still leave the twat

Quartz2208 · 02/05/2022 17:32

What was he like before the baby - what was the split.

But he simply is being unrealistic and awful. he needs to spend a day looking after your baby - hating nappies (and lets be honest who does like it) is not an excuse

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Iloveacurry · 02/05/2022 17:40

He sounds like a twat and not a good father. I bet he’s never looked after the baby either.

luxxlisbon · 03/05/2022 07:49

Overall he is a great husband and dad

How can he be a great dad when he doesn’t change any nappies, clearly doesn’t spend any time with your baby as he doesn’t know what it looks like and thinks absolutely everything to do with the baby is your job alone??

LIZS · 03/05/2022 07:59

We have a 7 month old baby and my husband works from home full time. Overall he is a great husband and dad and we never normally argue or even rarely disagree, but the last couple of days have been awful.

What's so great about someone who expects you to skivvy to his standards or be criticised, but won't pitch in to even change a nappy. Does he think you enjoy it any more than he would? If he wants the nappy bin emptied there is nothing to stop him doing so, or doing washing up, cleaning etc. Has he ever had ds unsupervised as now may be a good time. Have you ever met his cleanliness standards?

namechange30455 · 03/05/2022 08:01

He sounds really really horrible OP.

I could sort of get on board with him not thinking looking after babies is that difficult if he's never done it (although the nappy thing is ridiculous - yes we all hate changing nappies, just fucking get on with it). If it was just that I'd be suggesting leaving baby with him for the day and seeing how he gets on!

But the way he spoke to you about the packing is really quite horrible. It makes me quite sad actually that he would speak to you in such a harsh way when he is supposed to love you.

GroggyLegs · 03/05/2022 08:05

You say the list couple of days has been awful, but is that really the case?

Things have to be exactly where he puts them... I'm guessing that's not new. What happened before if you leave some stuff on the side or didn't hang your coat up?

And he's only changed 10 nappies in 7 months? That's not being a good father or husband. Nobody joyfully changes a full nappy & he knows you have no choice if he refuses.

And you tried to communicate with him & he shut you down & made out your were lying.

He sounds selfish and controlling.
Are you frightened of him or his reactions? That's the impression I get here.

Maydaysoonenough · 03/05/2022 08:10

He sees you a staff. Nothing more. Are you on maternity leave?

notapizzaeater · 03/05/2022 08:11

If it's not up to his standards he needs to do it ! He's not a great dad

HollowTalk · 03/05/2022 08:15

The fact he has you running around on eggshells says in itself that he is a really bad husband and father.

Do you really want to go on holiday with his parents? In my experience men like this have parents who are like this.

simoncowellsdog · 03/05/2022 08:16

Yes! He's being more than unreasonable he's being lazy, controlling and abusive.

Why the fuck isn't he changing the babies nappy?! If he wants something doing a certain way, he can do it himself. Silly twat. Who on earth does he think he is?!
'Not buying it'?? What does that even mean? Not buying the fact he's an absolute prat and that you might have an opinion of your own? No well, that wouldn't suit him would it.

This post really riled me OP. Hate men like this, get rid otherwise you're just showing your daughter that it's ok to be a doormat.

frazzledasarock · 03/05/2022 08:17

Let him go on holiday by himself. Go see a solicitor and get your ducks in a row whilst he’s away.

to be clear a man who does nothing around the home or with his child is not a good anything.

LIZS · 03/05/2022 08:23

I wonder if his fussiness has already conditioned you to doing things in a certain way , to certain standards and conditions, even pre baby. He sounds controlling and very unpleasant. Has your life felt more restricted since he has wfh, did you work pre ds and are you intending to go back?

Pollydonia · 03/05/2022 08:23

He is awful.
He has probably always been awful so you have accommodated his demands.
Now that your baby comes first and not his demands he is losing his shit.
I couldn't stay with a man like that and neither should you.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 03/05/2022 08:24

Overall he is a great husband and dad

Please, please op take off your rose-coloured specs.

A man who talks to you like you're the hired help isn't 'great'. He's a disrespectful,idle oik.

You need to reconsider your relationship with this man.

Bumpsadaisie · 03/05/2022 09:28

You discuss your concerns with him and he said "I'm not buying it".

That is, "I don't think your concerns have any meaning or validity".

A good husband and dad would be concerned his wife was unhappy.

Hoppinggreen · 03/05/2022 09:36

lavender91 · 02/05/2022 13:37

We tried to have a nice day yesterday so went out. We did have a nice day but I just had in the back of my mind all day everything that was going on. In the evening I got upset to which dh said he 'wasn't buying it' whatever this means, and I'm being disrespectful to him by not tidying up every single thing and I need to pull my finger out

Hes a complete Dick

Wallywobbles · 03/05/2022 11:11

Well you've married a total twat. What are you going to do about it?

Beetlewings · 03/05/2022 11:13

If you have a good relationship and he's good ad being a dad and all round sympathetic human, you should have no trouble telling him to fuck off and do it himself if he reckons you're not doing a good enough job

3luckystars · 03/05/2022 11:14

he sounds awful. Do you want your child growing up thinking that women are servants?

DifficultBloodyWoman · 03/05/2022 11:18

I’m struggling add a photo so here is a link with my suggested response.

Cartoon - he asked why…

He is being unreasonable. But I think you already knew that. So what are you going to do about it? 💐

TulipsGarden · 03/05/2022 11:28

Clearly he's being a dick. Most men are not like this, and you shouldn't have to put up with it. My suggestion is to laugh at him. Instead of getting angry, laugh. Men really, really don't like it.

Poor diddums can't cope with a nappy? Haha oh dear, well you'll just have to practice won't you, here you go, have a baby.

Right, baby's fed so I'm off out for a walk/run/to have coffee with a friend. Stick some washing on and clean the floors while I'm gone, will you? Oh did you think the fairies do it? Haha it needs doing, have fun!

Alternatively, divorce him and escape the twat. It depends if you think he can be changed into a reasonable human.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 03/05/2022 12:46

Just because you are a SAHM does not make him the boss of you.

I echo what every single poster has said before me, he is a twat.

Maray1967 · 03/05/2022 23:52

OP, you need to find your voice, big style. Let him have it with both barrels. There is no way you are prioritising cleaning while you are looking after baby . If he has a problem with that he can do it himself. Get him told.