What age would you take children to a funeral?

[RandomName130]

Just that really? I’m talking the funeral of a very immediate family member heavily involved with your DC.

I have 2 children, 4 and 2. If it was a close family member e.g grandparents I probably would take them to the wake but not the funeral. I think it would distress them to see family members, particularly DH/myself upset in the way we'd likely be at a close family members funeral and I'm not sure I'd be able to give them the support they would need in that moment. I would take them to the wake though as generally things are a bit calmer by then and it still gives them to opportunity to have some closure/say goodbye.

My DS came to DH's uncle's funeral when he was 12 months old, I was ready to take him outside if he started crying.

I wouldn't take a young child. The funeral is your chance to say goodbye and you don't want to be looking after a toddler.

I wouldn't take mine unless they were old enough to confirm that they wanted to go. I can't think of a reason to take them somewhere that a lot of people are likely to be very upset and they're likely to be fidgety and fussy.

I'm with others - any age. Dd was 5 when she went to her grandfathers funeral. (DHs dad).

All the grandchildren were there, she was the youngest - and he would have absolutely wanted all his grandchildren there, he doted on every single one of them. I took her to the service, but not the graveside - mainly because I was concerned that she would be distressed by seeing her dad, aunts and grandma crying, and then the wake afterwards. Now when we visit (they lived in another country), it's a normal thing that they take flowers and water the plants around their grandfathers grave.

Death is as much a part of life as all other life events. If it was my family member, I'd expect DH to be in charge of the children, and vice versa for his side, but I'd take them unless the closest family was clear that children weren't welcome (although that has never happened so far).

Obviously if it wasn't a family member, then It would be different.

i wouldn’t take a pre schooler if it was a funeral where I would expect to get emotional as I wouldn’t want them to make a fuss, it’s not fair on other people. If a young child is likely to distract you /others from the service then it’s not sensible. Once school age ish, depending on the child, then yes I’d take them, subject to the wishes of chief mourner.

It varies hugely.
In some families and in some cultures children of all ages are part of funerals. In some, children aren't expected until teenagers or near adults.

We never had any reason to take dd as a young child - very fortunate to not experience any deaths during that time. At 10y we chose not to take her to the funeral of her teacher, though she did go to the memorials before and after, that was the only one until she was mid teen. She did go to them from then on.

A family funeral we'd have taken her when smaller providing the main mourners were happy for us to do so. We'd always follow the chief mourners wishes.

I didn’t take my 2yo to my Dad’s funeral, and my sister left her 4yo and 2 yo with him. Grabbed an inlaw cousin who wasn’t coming to funeral to watch them, then all went to wake. I needed to concentrate on my mum at funeral. Was lovely having them after though.

I took DD to my grandad's funeral at 7 weeks - I offered to leave her outside or at the back with DH, but my nan and aunts insisted she was sat in the front with us. In your case if it won't stress you out too much if she fussed, and it's what your family wants then there's no problem taking her.

Oh, and very sorry for your loss x

Mine went to my cousins funeral when they were about 5 and 6. They were completely unfazed by the whole thing, well behaved and no lasting damage. They know they went, but not sure they even remember it almost 30 years later.

Under the age of them being able to behave and be quiet I wouldn't take them. When my mil died we all went and I looked after the grandchildren (3 and 4) while my daughter and the rest of the family attended the service. We were all intending to go in, but on the day it seemed more appropriate to leave the children out of it. The service was small and they would have been very noticeable if they hadn't stayed quiet.

My cousin's wedding was much bigger and the cousins children were also there and of a similar age. We sat at the back in case they misbehaved, but they didn't.

I had to take my then 3 year old to my grandmother's funeral during early lockdown as I wasn't permitted to use any childcare. It wasn't great. He wouldn't sit still or be quiet (understandably) but I had no choice. It was obviously made doubly difficult by not being allowed to sit with my own grieving mother or even hug her. Plus having to just go straight home afterwards. I'm still angry about the whole thing. In your shoes, I probably wouldn't take them.

I think it’s fine and though haven’t had cause to take dd to a funeral I have been to those with small children/babies there. It’s always been a positive experience with the person leading the service making reference to the fact that it’s lovely to see all generations come together to celebrate the deceased and observe the younger future they’ve helped shaped and will survive them.

I think you’d feel better with a contingency plan just in case but it’s quite likely, as a pp said, they’ll take their cues from those around them.

I was recently at a funeral where the family brought along an 8 year old. It would of been her grandfathers funeral, she clutched a teddy bear and scream/cried uncontrollably throughout the entire funeral. She seemed extremely distressed, to an extent that had that by my DC I would need to take them outside and comfort them.

It got me and DH talking about how comfortable would we be with our DC going to funerals. Though I think every child is different.