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Original poster

Feeling like abit of a crap mum

34 replies

Dove88 · 29/04/2022 15:50

My DD is nine weeks old so I’m fully aware that she is still really young. But lately I’ve been feeling as though I’m being abit of a crap mum. I’ve briefly talked to mum friends but there always seems to be a layer of competition and putting on a front.
It’s nothing major just day to day things.
I don’t ever really ‘put her down to sleep’. She doesn’t have any semblance of a nap routine and usually only sleeps in the day after a feed or when she’s in the sling and I’m doing bits. Not at set times. Is this ok? Should I be putting her in a dark room in her Moses basket at a set time? Should I be trying to get her to sleep without feeding?

I do play and chat with her throughout the day but should I be reading books and things to her? She doesn’t have much interest scrunchy toys or sensory things yet.
She feeds as and when she wants but that often means that I spend most of the day sitting in front of the tv breastfeeding her. Is that fairly normal?
I have maybe half an hour a day where she’s happy in her Moses basket (awake) while I run round doing housework. I just feel as though other mums have more time and the whole ‘making the most of her nap times’ thing doesn’t work because I’m holding her or she’s in the sling.
Sorry this is so long, I just have a lot of minor concerns and thought I’d put it all in one post. Hoping for some honesty and any tips please

OP posts:

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BlazingRufus · 29/04/2022 15:56

Ah, the 'potato' phase. It will be over before you know it, and everything you're worrying about now will seem daft once she grows and does more stuff. The fact you're worrying proves you're a good mum, and all she wants or needs is you right now.

PurpleSalami · 29/04/2022 16:01

She’s still tiny OP and in the 4th trimester where she just wants comfort from you. It’s entirely normal in my experience. I think there is pressure to get babies ‘into a routine’ but ultimately that benefits everyone but the baby. I felt quite strongly my children should be fed on demand. Sometimes I want an early big lunch because I’m hungry so why shouldn’t they? Both of mine were velcro babies and wouldn’t be put down. Make the most of it and watch a load of TV before you’re chasing them all over as they crawl and walk. You’re doing a great job I’m sure

Ihatethenewlook · 29/04/2022 16:05

Do yourself a favour and pack in comparing and trying to compete with other mums or it will be literally never ending. If it’s getting to you already with a 9 week old then just imagine how you’ll be feeling when they start sitting up/walking/starting school etc. It’s not a competition, it’s not any indication of success or failure if your baby does something first or last, and I pretty much guarantee that the mums doing most of the boasting are lying out of their arses anyway.

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tunnocksreturns2019 · 29/04/2022 16:07

Sounds like you are doing absolutely wonderfully with her

mumonthehill · 29/04/2022 16:15

Is the baby happy, are you happy? If so then you are doing a great job. I love the idea of the potato phase, very true!! Do not compare with others, do what works for you.

katmarie · 29/04/2022 16:15

In my opinion, 'making the most of nap time' should be taken to mean making the most of squishy sleepy baby cuddles. You sound like you're doing fine, you're being led by baby, and getting the most important stuff done. Mine are 2 and 4 now, both on the go constantly, and I parented them largely the same way when they were tiny. Now I'd kill for an hour of lovely snuggly baby cuddles.

linerforlife · 29/04/2022 16:18

Oh god I love the potato phase you both sound like you're doing exactly as you should OP. Relax and follow your gut just as you have been doing. You'll be chasing her around soft play before you know it, so enjoy the cuddles and ignore competitive mums!

catsnore · 29/04/2022 16:25

My baby is 15 weeks and I'm still enjoying the naps and Netflix stage 😂

It's hard, especially first time around, to not compare to others. But my first child is a strapping 9 year old and I haven't a clue when it was I started doing anything educational with them - all lost in the mists of time!

Do what suits you and your baby. Take everyone else's statements with a pinch of salt! Soon enough you'll be running after a speedy toddler and wishing they would stay where you put them 😂

Original poster

Dove88 · 29/04/2022 16:39

Thank you all so much for the replies. I love that I can just come on here and put it all down and get actual experienced responses.
The ‘potato phase’ really made me laugh as that’s exactly what I feel like!
I try so hard to be encouraging to other mums when I see them getting abit stressed but I just can’t seem to be that nice to myself.
It’s reassuring to hear others didn’t have much a routine. I know she will sleep when I put her in the sling so I end up feeling guilty that her nap times are determined by when I have to get stuff done and vary so much. Although she does sleep when she wants the rest of the time
Anyway I will try to just relax and enjoy it

OP posts:

katmarie · 29/04/2022 19:28

We never had specific nap times, but went on tiredness cues at that age. It developed into a loose routine eventually, but it was very much led by what the babies needed. They both sleep brilliantly now.

BoredYummyMummy · 29/04/2022 19:31

Should I be putting her in a dark room in her Moses basket at a set time?

hahahah to who ever made you feel like this was your responsibility- they tell YOU if they’re ok with this not the other way around. I mean have you ever tried putting a baby in a cot that wanted a cuddle 🧐😂.

sit in front of the tv and munch whilst they feed/sleep it’s the best part of new parent hood 😂

Thistooshallpsss · 29/04/2022 19:31

35 years ago my rather strict health visitor asked me if I was getting my new born into a routine I replied that when she was awake I played with her. General approach thereafter seems to have been ok😀

RidingMyBike · 29/04/2022 19:33

Mine didn't really get predictable until 12 weeks, when we introduced a bedtime. But we didn't really have a routine until 3 meals a day started at six months. I found the 'potato phase' pretty grim but mine would at least sleep if she was put down so it wasn't quite as bad! Although the naps weren't very long. We eventually got worked out that she'd nap in the sling or pram in the morning when we were out, then in the sling or Moses basket (and after six months her cot) in the afternoon,
but we didn't really get the nice long naps on her own until after a year when she'd do a 3 hour nap each day.

Readytopop2022x · 29/04/2022 19:35

@Dove88 oh Dove! I totally feel you on this! I have a 5 week old who just isn't sleeping well in the night. It's now turned into co-sleeping which isn't what I originally intended. The judgement from other people is insane and makes me feel less than. Thank gosh for my amazing HV who reassured me. It's so hard to not compare ourselves. Due to the constant competition from old school friends in our group chat, I removed myself. Best think I done was switch off and listened to my own intuition. These little tiny humans are still trying to figure things out, as are we! We're doing our blooming best and that's enough! Xxxx

SatinHeart · 29/04/2022 19:36

Mine had all their naps on my chest while I watched Netflix at that age. It was months before they got into having books read to them.

Go easy on yourself! 💐

HiKelsey · 29/04/2022 19:39

Op just enjoy your time, ignore the "competition", it took me forever to get over all that. My DD is 2.5 years old has quite a relaxed routine as she has been a poorly child with undiagnosed allergies, reflux and constant infections so we're only really establishing a routine now. She's talks more than some of her older friends but isn't potty training like some of her younger friends. You'll honestly just make yourself sick if you start worrying about these things, you should enjoy your time. They really aren't little forever, in a blink you'll be at the terrible twos and life is hell then 🤣

Geneticsbunny · 29/04/2022 19:46

If you were a crap mum, you wouldn't be worried about being a crap mum. Always remember this as it will pop up regularly.

sageandbasil · 29/04/2022 19:51

My DD is now 5 months old and it feels like yesterday I was in your shoes. Enjoy it! She won't contact nap now and before I was the only place she'd sleep. All they want at this age is to be cuddled and fed. I started sensory class and massage was she was 6 weeks and she was far too young for sensory but the massage was nice for her. Enjoy watching tv feeding. We didn't have a routine until she was 4 months and even then it's loose!

jamsandwich1 · 29/04/2022 19:53

Ahhh don’t worry, she’s still a baby potato. She’ll become more alert and inquisitive soon and you’ll fall into a routine. She’s still so small. Don’t worry at all.

Derbee · 29/04/2022 19:58

You sound like a really good mum. I’m currently sitting here with my 3 week old baby asleep on my chest. He hasn’t been put down ALL DAY except for 5 mins in his Moses basket a couple of times for me to nip to the loo. He doesn’t like being on his own. So he’s never on his own. People have suggested I put him down, and I just ignore them. My baby, my rules. If I want to hold and snuggle/feed him all day, and that’s what he wants, that’s what I’m going to do.

PoTayToes80 · 29/04/2022 21:39

@Dove88 My baby is nearly 11 weeks and we’re the same - except I don’t think we play and chat as much as I should 😬 (now I’m feeling guilty I’m not doing that enough!!) I find it so demanding just meeting his basic needs.

We have a good chat in the morning but a lot of the time if he’s happy in his bouncer I feel like I need to make the most of not having him on me to get a few bits done. Because like yours he doesn’t nap in his basket, only in the sling.

He has zero routine, I wouldn’t even know how to start implementing one at this point. I figure a pattern might start to emerge that then I can work with?

HotDogKetchup · 29/04/2022 21:42

You’re doing everything absolutely right. Honour the fourth trimester and go with the flow. Enjoy the sitting and feeding and watching TV, it soon passes.

i was exactly like this with both my boys. I didn’t even attempt sleep training or sleeping alone until 6m.

PoTayToes80 · 29/04/2022 21:44

In case my earlier post made it sound as though I don’t chat to him at any other time of the day, I do! It’s just more bits and pieces rather than the nice lengthy chat before we get up in the morning.

myyellowcar · 29/04/2022 21:45

You sound like a wonderful mother OP

ShadowPuppets · 29/04/2022 21:46

If it’s any consolation I spent every second I spent snuggling with DC1 watching TV feeling guilty like I ought to be doing more - and then just when she started to grow out of it we went into lockdown!!

I doubt I can say anything to shift the way you feel, mum guilt is so powerful!! But what I will say is that DC2 is due in 2 weeks and I’m only going to have 2 days a week where it’s just the two of us due to whirlwind toddler DD… And all I plan on doing on those two days a week is snuggling, feeding and bonding with baby. It goes so incredibly fast and before you know it the days are action packed. So I plan on making the most of every sofa snuggle and feeling zero guilt about it this time around :)

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