What’s easier, being a stay at home parent, working full time or working part time?

[3boysandadog23]

Just curious what everyone’s opinion is. Obviously everybody’s circumstances are different but just interested to see if one opinion is more common than another?

I’m a stay at home mum to 3 boys, 5,3 and 6 months and love being at home but equally find it SO HARD at times. Trying to decide whether to go back to work or not. Must be so hard to juggle everything when working too!

Sounds lovely. Do you have a career you can go back to when the children are older? Are you making pension provision? What's your plan if your marriage is one of the 40% that end in divorce?

I've been a SAHM for 6 years. Probably about 4 years too long for me. I (financially) don't need to work, but I would love to have a job again. However, term time/school hours jobs are like rocking horse poo in my area, and I do not want to put my ds into before/after school and holiday clubs. I hate the thought of him having to be out of the house 8+ hours a day. So my job search continues.

From experiencing mat leave not not fully a SAHM I think they are both hard in different ways.
Staying at home you have the relentless drudgery, possibly a lack of achievement and a lack of your ‘own’ life. On the flip side you are there for the nice moments too, housework doesn’t need to be condensed into the evenings.
Going to work you have an opportunity to be your old self. Get dressed nice, not have toddlers rub food on you, speak to adults, feel fulfilled on a personal level and obviously an increase in income. It also means when the children become teens and need you less that you already have your own life. Formal childcare can be incredibly helpful at socialising children. I have known children who were very shy and clingy before nursery and only a few months in they are thriving socially and much more outgoing.
With this the stress is squeezing family life and housework into a smaller amount of time.

None of them are "easy" when the kids are as young as yours OP! Part time worked well for me.

I was a SAHM and did all kids/housework/gardening. DH never got up in the night because he was working, although he would take them out in the day sometimes.
It was fine at the time, but looking back I should have got him to pay a private pension for me, and I always felt bad buying myself something out of the joint account as it was ‘his’ wage.
Eventually I wanted interaction with other adults, and for someone to say thank you sometimes, so I went back PT.

Term time jobs are mainly schools. NhS used to do term time contracts you can't get one of them now unless you have been a long standing employee who already had one of the old contracts. School hours are also really hard to find generally too. I guess if you consider anything or evening work you will find something.

I look back fondly at my sahm days as I had so much time and freedom also lots of friends who were also at home so was quite a social time but being skint was rubbish and it wasn't great for my marriage as I think you're just in such separate worlds when one of you is at home with kids and the other at work that you don't have much in common
Part time is good though it can feel like you do everything - work and all the stuff at home.
I couldn't do full time - am 4 days a week and that one day off helps me to keep on top of everything
Once you've been a sahm I think it's hard to get the working parent to help more at home once you go back to work though

I agree but also life is far more complex than just take care of your childs needs and zone out everything else.
Yep I did that X 3 so 3 14 month ML in 5 years plus my DH was also involved which is something I felt was massively important for my childrens development and well being.
I dont think there is one answer but giving up a career I loved was never an option and I would never marry a man who expected me to do so.

a part time job would give you a break

I think there are so many factors, its not a straightforward question. Age and number of kids, SEN, whether in stable relationship, partner input into household chores/childcare, household income, and other family support etc

I know several women who are SAHM to nt teens. Most outsource cleaning, ironing etc. Their lives seem easier than mine (I work almost ft and have minimal family support) but who knows?

Part time is the best of both worlds but in my experience it does leave an expectation for all the housework to be done while not at work (I found this impossible).

I'm staying part time after DS starts school, two days to get bits done uninterrupted will be bliss.

I agree term time contracts are amazing, if you can afford to do that.

Dh isn't working in the same country as me, and I don't live near family, so evenings/night work aren't possible - I'd happily consider them otherwise.

They are truly all difficult in different ways. I've done all 3.
SAHM - more time to organise life but parenting falls all to one person, you also may go slowly mad. Disruption to career may never recover.
PT (maybe partner PT as well) Constant juggling and calendar management, feel you don't please anybody, but gives flexibility and resilience as can keep working even if at slower progression.
FT working - money is better but you see less of children, family life and chores squeezed into weekends, may burn out. This depends whether your partner is the SAHP or you both work FT and rely on childcare.

Bear in mind (if you are a 2 parent family)

• Two parents can share the childcare, the work and the housework


• The higher earner does not have to be the FT worker


• would you be asking the same question if you were the dad?