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Parenting

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Original poster

What’s easier, being a stay at home parent, working full time or working part time?

64 replies

3boysandadog23 · 22/04/2022 14:44

Just curious what everyone’s opinion is. Obviously everybody’s circumstances are different but just interested to see if one opinion is more common than another?

I’m a stay at home mum to 3 boys, 5,3 and 6 months and love being at home but equally find it SO HARD at times. Trying to decide whether to go back to work or not. Must be so hard to juggle everything when working too!

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Kanaloa · 22/04/2022 17:30

In my experience staying at home was easier. Now I have to do all the stuff I did then but fit it round work.

But obviously in terms of money now I work part time it is easier financially for us and we can afford little treats we wouldn’t have been able to afford before.

trilbydoll · 22/04/2022 17:38

PT if your job can be done PT and you can leave it behind when you go home. Less time at home = less opportunity for the house to get trashed. But trying to fit a FT job into PT hours is v stressful.

starlingdarling · 22/04/2022 20:07

In my experience, most people working part time are expected to fit a full time workload into their house. For that reason PT is the hardest in my eyes.

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BunsyGirl · 22/04/2022 20:16

Depends on the job. Working on the checkout at Tesco was easier than being a SAHM but working full time as a lawyer was harder. Working PT (4 days) as a lawyer and juggling it with the demands of two toddlers….well that’s a different level of stress!!!

freshprincess · 22/04/2022 20:17

Part time was easiest for work-life. I got a whole day to do shopping, cleaning and all that stuff.

Full time is easiest on the the finances and I’m fortunately majority WFH do not so frantic with house stuff.
SAHM - the only time I haven’t worked is ML and furlough, and my mental health was shredded during both.

im also so very grateful that when my marriage went tits up I had stayed in the workforce. I had a friend who didn’t go back to work and really struggled to find a job when she had to

your DCs are really young, it’s going to be hard as they’re all really full on. When you’ve got two in school and one in nursery it might seem a bit easier.

RandomMess · 22/04/2022 20:22

Working part time was the hardest IME and I've tried all 3 versions!

I found parenting easier being home full time. However I had a lovely group of friends that were also around during the day.

Hugasauras · 22/04/2022 20:30

Part time is perfect for me, but my job is such that I don't have to work outside my hours or on off days at all. Or even think about work! So I just work my 21 hours and that's that.

I couldn't hack being a SAHP. I think I'd find that really hard. I loved maternity leave but I was ready to start working again by the end of it.

TrippinEdBalls · 22/04/2022 20:31

I work four days a week and personally I find it much better - maybe not easier, as such, but much better and life feels more enjoyable - than either being at home full-time (though I've only ever done that on mat leave) or working full-time (which I did for about a year after going back after DS1). I really wouldn't want to go back to five days and recently made it clear that I'd only take a promotion at work if I could still work four days.

But I would say that another huge variable is what your partner is doing. DH also works four days a week and the day I'm at work and he isn't is the easiest day of my week by far. For me in terms of ease it goes, from easiest to hardest:

The day where DH isn't at work but I am
The weekend
The day I don't work but DH is at work
The three days where I work and have to get the children ready, drop them off, work a full day and then pick them up and sort tea (DH commutes and I don't)

So I personally suspect that the easiest gig by a long way is being a full-time working parent IF the other parent is a SAHP.

Longdistance · 22/04/2022 20:33

I’ve done them all. I was a SAHM when dds were babies, but older I was part time as a juggler, now I’m a full time juggler.
I think being a SAHM to older kids is easier as they’re more independent. But, I could be wrong. When I mean older, I mean Year 7.

MaryAndHerNet · 22/04/2022 20:36

Working a job you hate is one of the hardest things in the world ime.
A full time job that you love doing would be like doing a hobby for pay.

I'm an unemployed lone parent ATM, it's hard in a lot of ways, financially being the worst. But it's not as stress inducing as doing 60 hours at a job o despised with people I hated etc

Ididanamechange · 22/04/2022 20:37

There's no answer to this, there's too many different situations that make things stressful, the age of the children, their development needs, the support you have from partners/family/friends, income and lifestyle- feeling trapped as a SAHP worrying how the bills are going to be paid vs working FT in you a job you love that brings security and comfort I know which id choose (I know there's a lot of middle grounds in there as well). Ultimately I think the only choice is to embrace the exhaustion and hope it doesnt last too long

Unodosyz · 22/04/2022 20:40

It's all hard - there are downsides and upsides to every option. You have to do what you feel is best, and that can change over time. How they respond to care by others and how good that care is matters too.

ShadowPuppets · 22/04/2022 20:42

Personally, I love working 4 days. It allows me to carry on building my career and pension, but gives me one day a week as pure DD and me time. She loves nursery and it’s just about ok for us as a hit financially.

We’re looking at DH going down to 4 days as well once we’ve moved to our next house and I think he’s going to find it great too - we earn a similar amount in similar jobs and while I do have to field the odd call on my NWD it’s well worth the trade off. Looking forward to the kids only doing 3 days a week in nursery.

Our long term plan once eldest starts school is for us both to do 2 half days a week rather than 4 days on / 1 day off (we’re both allowed to WFH 2 days a week, so if we make those our half days then we can cover 4 days with no wraparound care which would be a dream!)

milveycrohn · 22/04/2022 20:44

I was a SAHM for some years, then worked P/T, then F/T.
The P/T and F/T roughly coincided when DC were at primary and then secondary school.
However, those P/T years were quite stressful, generally regarding child care, and school holidays. (my hours were P/T, but I only had 4 weeks Annual Leave, of which 3 days had to be taken between Xmas and New Year)
We generally only managed 1 week together in the summer, the other holidays taking it in turn to be home, take DC away (as the only adult, etc).
Then there are the sports days, the 'open' school assembly day, child being sick days; school closed for snow days; Late collecting DC from school, due to public transport.
Plus all the 'extra curricular' activities - such as swimming lessons, etc
SAHM was stressful re finance, but a different kind of stress.

Thinkbiglittleone · 22/04/2022 20:46

In this situation, sadly I think other peoples experiences will be of no real help as everyone's situations are different, everyone's priorities are different and what makes others happy will be so different.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 22/04/2022 20:47

I would part time hours but school hours so I collect my Kids from school at 3.15 having been at work since 8 so find that tough as I never really get a break… unless they decide to go To sleep at a normal hour.

Countdownis35 · 22/04/2022 20:51

I think it depends on weather your kids are school age. Your ages OP... I wouldn't return to work yet tbh. I would wait until the 3 year old started school.

With working comes a lot of juggling/working pressures sorting child care out for the holidays.. planning AL, inset days and so on

Thinkbiglittleone · 22/04/2022 20:53

Sorry it posted too soon.

You say you love being at home but you find it hard. It's hard parenting in any situation so you would have to decide which bits you are finding hardest as all of the options of parenting bring stresses with them.

I would not have traded being a SAHP for anything, I loved that time. I now am returning back for a few hours within school hours. I will stay working hours where I can drop him off at school time and collect him when school finishes. That is what's ideal for us.

jealousgirl · 22/04/2022 20:55

They are all hard in different ways. It also depends on the individual, their mh, support system etc. for example I was a sahm but my dd has Sen, I was also a carer for my dm and df, my dm was end of life and I was massively struggling with my mh. So that was a very hard time .

BertieBotts · 22/04/2022 20:58

You can't possibly compare because it depends on so many different things. Number and age of kids, what support you have, what job you have, where you live, what your disposable income is like, what your transport options are etc etc

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/04/2022 21:00

They’re all hard in their own way.

Being a full-time working, single parent on average wage is probably the most difficult situation.

(I’m not but my mother was)

Starseeking · 22/04/2022 21:10

Although I work full-time, I've just started doing compressed hours on a 9 day fortnight, plus work from home 2 days a week.

Every other week I get a whole day off to myself (DC in pre-school and reception) to decompress and catch up on things, which is great.

If I was allowed to work 3 days a week from home, I'd be living my dream!

TicTac80 · 22/04/2022 21:14

I’ve never been an SAHM (always worked FT or worked PT and studied FT), and I imagine it must be bloody hard, particularly when kids are preschool age and younger - no let up!! Maybe easier if SAHM is super wealthy and able to outsource a lot of things but other than that, it sounds like it would be just non stop.

I am a single parent and work FT, and the kids are now 15 and 8. When the kids were little, it was really hard, but at least at work, I felt like I got a break (if that makes sense?).

I think the thing is to do what suits you and your family. Also ensuring you have sufficient amounts paid into NI/pension…and that if you do want a career/don’t want to lose employment prospects, then see that you do what you can to make that work.

I missed a lot with my kids, but I’m also very glad that I didn’t give up work when youngest was a baby, as I would have been screwed when XH walked (although I was the breadwinner)!

i guess a combination of part time work (during term time!) and SAHM would be fab. 🤩

Galwayg · 22/04/2022 21:15

I’m a teacher of infants so going to work is like the opposite of the ‘break’ everyone else speaks of when they talk about going to work to get away from their kids 😂😩 I would have to say full time is probably the worst, purely due to my job though, it would depend what you do I think. I haven’t returned part time after mat leave yet but I think I’m just going to spend half the week chasing my tail at work and the other half chasing my tail at home with everything that needs done as well as actually interacting with my child 🙈 Being a long term stay at home mum would be hard going though. I think I’m only appreciating it so much just now because I know work is looming soon. Ideal scenario would be like 1 day per week at work to remind you just how awful it is then you could enjoy your time at home more the rest of the time 😂

TicTac80 · 22/04/2022 21:19

PS I’m really lucky now as I work FT, but my ward allowed me to compress full time hours into 4 fixed days a week, and each day I work around my youngest’s wraparound care hours. I have weekends off and a day off in the week (I’m a nurse). That’s hard work but fab, as I get a few hours a week where I can completely flake out!

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