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Original poster

Potty training 31 month old- NOT going well.

52 replies

Sandrine1982 · 17/04/2022 08:02

So we've finally decided to potty train DD this weekend. We would have tried earlier but had lots going on in our lives (illness, house move, change of nursery) so there was never a good time.
Now we're at home for 4 days so decided to give it a go. We've got lovely big-girl knickers and training pants, we've got stickers, we've got all the frigging gear. We try to get her on the potty first thing in the morning, we give her lots of drinks, we take her to the potty in regular intervals, we praise, bla bla bla.

But oh my god I'm tearing my hair out.
I don't mind changing clothes, wiping pee, cleaning poo... if there was a little bit of progress. By progress I mean catching at least one or two wees per day in the potty?? By now I have a sense when she needs to go, so I sit her on the potty, she will sit for a while but pees on the floor as soon as she gets up.

I had to hide in the loo this morning and cry. It's day 3 and I was trying to catch the morning pee in the potty, we cuddled in bed, I told her we'll go on the potty after the cuddle (she won't go straight after she wakes up), she said ok, then when she got up she wanted to play, I said potty first, she said potty later, and then she proceeds to wee on the floor. The potty was right there, she didn't even try to go on it.

What on earth is going on? Is this some kind of potty stage fright? As I said I don't mind wet clothes and wee on the floor, if only I could see some effort on her part???

How do we break this cycle?

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lorisparkle · 17/04/2022 08:06

With Ds1 it was a nightmare and I got so stressed. With ds2 I decided to leave it until he was a bit older and it was so much easier.

My advice would be that if you are not seeing any progress then leave it for a couple of weeks then try again.

Squeezedsquash · 17/04/2022 08:07

Honestly - it sounds like she’s not ready. Stop and come crack to it in a couple of months.

MissSkate · 17/04/2022 08:08

I'm sorry op but she sounds like she's not ready. I tried potty training my DD three times, each just like your experience. She was finally ready and wanting to do it just after she was 3½. I waited until my boy was ready and showing willing himself, he only ever had 2 accidents and was completely dry after 2 days. I'm a big believer in doing it when the child is ready.

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JudgeRindersMinder · 17/04/2022 08:08

Put the potty away for a while and try again in a few weeks. It’ll happen eventually but if you try to do it now, as you’ve found out, you’ll have nothing but frustration. My kids were nearer 3 when they were eventually interested and they both cracked it in a day because they were ready

ohidoliketobe · 17/04/2022 08:09

You're doing everything right but she's just not ready. You've introduced the concept and she's starting to understand, but she just isn't getting the signals from her body that her bladder is full. Leave it a few weeks and try again.

B1rdinthebush · 17/04/2022 08:10

She's just not ready. Honestly, knock it on the head and try again in a few months.

HenBob · 17/04/2022 08:10

Give it a break and try again in a few weeks or months when she is ready. Talk about going to the toilet in the meantime and take her with you when you go. She will signal when she wants to try. I didn't do all this 'training' with the gear and time off in the end. Tried with my first but they weren't ready until they were 3.5 years old and they picked it up real quick. My second was younger but they are all different.

MondeoFan · 17/04/2022 08:11

Big girl knickers fine, training pants no.
If she's not ready she's not ready.
Normally between 2-3 years for girls.
You could wait a couple of months and try again and see a massive difference. By then she will be 2 and 9 months.
Is the understanding there? In my experience the understanding has to be there.

Floydthebarber · 17/04/2022 08:15

Stop and try again. Dd1 I did it whenshe was about 2 and a half. She withheld wees, and withholding poos because she would only go in the nappy and then not even then caused a load of stress and constipation that too ages to sort (and then can back with avengeance during lockdown). With dd2 I tried around that age and a bit later. A couple of months after her third birthday we tried, she took to it straight away and she was using the potty and toilet at home in a couple of days and never any issues using loos out the house.

melissasummerfield · 17/04/2022 08:15

Its only day 3 OP, personally i would persevere

Floydthebarber · 17/04/2022 08:17

Sorry, hit post before I'd finished. I'd just wait a bit and try again. I firmly believe it doesn't need to be stressful if you wait until they feel ready too.

2manycats · 17/04/2022 08:21

Stop the big effort - she’s showing you she’s not there yet. Keep the potty out in the bathroom and offer her use of it on a more casual basis (I.e. not going on and on about “potty? Do you need to wee??” every 30 mins).

inappropriateraspberry · 17/04/2022 08:42

If it's not working, then stop. Give it a few months and try again. You'll only stress yourself out, which she will pick up on and you don't want her to associate going to the loo with negative feelings.
With my children, we tried. It didn't work. We tried again later and it clicked almost immediately and they were also dry overnight at the same time.

3teens2cats · 17/04/2022 08:43

What day did you start? If you break it down there is quite a lot for a little child to process. They need to recognise the physical sensation of needing to go, they then need to associate that with the potty. They need to figure out how to let go once they get there. Unless they are permanently naked from the waist down there is then clothing or pants to negotiate. All the while adults are using new language which they aren't 100% sure about "do you need to use the potty?" "do you need a wee?" etc. This all sounds very silly but your child is only two and a half both physically and cognitively. They might just need a couple more days to make the connections in which case you need to be calm and patient. If no progress after 5 days i would sack it off for now and try again in the summer. If you have had no wee in the potty at all they might just need that magic first one for them to understand what you have been banging on about. My hv suggested blowing bubbles on the potty. Apparently while your child is trying to blow bubbles they release the wee muscles.... Worth a try.

SamMil · 17/04/2022 08:53

It doesn't need to be so stressful! If it is, she probably isn't ready.

We tried with my daughter & she was the same. We tried again at 3 & a half and she cracked it within a couple of days.

CheeseAndHackers · 17/04/2022 08:57

She's not ready.

CourgetteSeason · 17/04/2022 09:01

Sounds like she's not ready. DS wasn't ready first time we tried so we went back to nappies. Waited until he was closer to 3 and basically cracked it within a day; it helped that he had moved up to the 'big room' at nursery and saw older kids using the toilet etc.

maryberryslayers · 17/04/2022 09:09

Leave it and try again in 3/4 months. It's really not worth the stress. She's not even 3. The difference for DS between 2.5 and nearly 3 was incredible.
At 2.5 there was multiple accidents every single day. 4 months later we cracked it in less than a week. I bribed with chocolate lollies, it was the only way. At 3.5 he's now dry day and night.
Honestly I thought it would never happen, it was a he worst part of parenting so far. But now I realise it was my mistake for starting too early. He didn't have the ability.

seven201 · 17/04/2022 09:13

Doesn't sound like she's ready. I tried with my dd at around that age, it was clear she wasn't ready so I gave up. Tried a few months later and it was a breeze! My friend tried for 2 weeks properly like you but then her dc went back to nursery (after holidays) and after a couple of days there they told her to put him back in nappies, so she did. She had such a crap (pun intended) 2 weeks!

gemloving · 17/04/2022 09:15

Take the pressure of you and your little girl. Back into nappies. Start again when she's closer to 3 in the summer xx

You're doing a fantastic job and it's not supposed to be that stressful, definitely not worth tears and hiding in the loo.

Sending hugs x

Skyeheather · 17/04/2022 09:15

I would speak to the nursery, tell them that you want to start potty training and ask them to help you. My son's nursery were very helpful, told me to drop off with a bag full of trousers and pants and they would do the rest. DS had been watching the other kids in his group using the little toilets and was very happy to be allowed to have a go himself! It still took weeks and endless washing for me.

Does she watch you use the toilet? Because DS nursery have toilets not potties and because DS is always accompanying me to the toilet, we got a little toilet ladder and just never bothered with the potty.

crackingreward · 17/04/2022 09:16

Put the nappy back on. She isn't ready. You never mentioned any signs she was ready, just 'deciding' to potty train isn't enough. Give yourselves a break here.

Gunpowder · 17/04/2022 09:17

Too early! Give it another try in the summer. Don’t beat yourself up. When she is 18 no one will know if she was potty trained at 2.5 or 3.5.

Svara · 17/04/2022 09:29

Children often have windows of readiness when it is easiest to toilet train. Sounds like you've missed an earlier window when she may have been less strong willed and you may need to now wait until she is more open to the idea.

Svara · 17/04/2022 09:31

I would persist for the time you have off but then put her back in nappies if no success.

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