Would this upset you?

[Soph567]

Just before I start I'm sorry I'm being deliberately a bit vague on specifics on purpose as wouldn't ever want to upset the people involved.

Would you be hurt if a family member fed your baby (that is ebf and isn't weaning yet as too young as only 3 months) meat, some sauce and some sort of cheesy egg thing without your permission. Most wasn't swallowed of course.

Myself and my husband are vegan and have been for 10+ years, veggie for much longer, and intend to raise our lo vegan at home and veggie when out if can't find vegan so he doesn't miss out at birthday parties etc. When he is old enough he can make the decision on whether he wants to be fully vegan, veggie, eat meat or be flexitarian etc. I am fully aware of all the nutrients lo needs and am confident we have a good, healthy, balanced vegan diet and will be able to raise him this way healthily.

It's not just the vegan side that upset me, it's that he is not ready for food yet and feeding him was a choking risk, and all the salt that those foods would have contained. We want to personally follow the NHS guidelines and wait until he is 6+ months as that is what feels right for my husband and I. I feel like they've taken away our experience of giving lo his first food and that being a special moment for us as a family. And that it is forever in my mind now that my lo's first food was meat now.

I won't be expecting any family to make lo when weaned and will be providing the food I've made for him if we go around to anyone's or need to leave lo with anyone. But I'm worried now that in the future lo will be given something to eat and told to keep it a secret from us. This is something I have no space for and do not believe that anyone should be encouraging him to keep secrets from us as this can normalise keeping secrets from mummy and daddy and could make him vulnerable to abuse.

I'm now also scared that they'll be other parenting decision that they don't believe in and they'll not follow if lo is with them, like we've discussed me not wanting to do cry it out method, when they raised their opinion upon this being necessary at some point (like they were telling me they know best and that I'll cave to this at some point).

I really feel like my trust has been knocked and not sure how to build it back up again as I really want lo to have a good relationship with family and don't want them to see any tension between me and other family members. I'm not a confrontational person and had a fantastic relationship with the person involved pre baby so this is really hard for me.

I would be furious. Your baby is too young for solid food as you say and the person had simply no right to take such an action. The person I assume knows t=of your dietary preferences and to give your child meat in defiance of that is again something they simply have no right to do.

I am not sure I could contain myself to be honest.

What they have done is 100% not ok in any way and you need to speak to them about it and not leave your child in their care again.

I would be extremely angry and would not
Leave my child alone with them again.

No-one has any business feeding your child at all, especially at that age without permission. I'd be making it clear to that person and it better not happen again.

I'd be furious. We had a situation where DC was given a food at 18 months by a grandparent we didn't want them to have (hard sweets) and they ended up in hospital. DGP was sorry but I was livid as they knew we didn't want DC to have them yet ignored our wishes. Our relationship never really recovered in terms of me trusting them with DC alone again.

I would be really angry.
Why did they do this?

I'd be furious, simply because of the child's age.

@Houseplantmad

I'd be furious. We had a situation where DC was given a food at 18 months by a grandparent we didn't want them to have (hard sweets) and they ended up in hospital. DGP was sorry but I was livid as they knew we didn't want DC to have them yet ignored our wishes. Our relationship never really recovered in terms of me trusting them with DC alone again.

Good point. Also no-one yet knows if the child has an allergy. It's potentially really dangerous for a whole host of reasons.

I would be livid! I would make that well known that it’s unacceptable and they’ve done it to bother you. And not leave the baby with them again

I'd be furious too and extremely hurt that you didn't get to experience the first food. My heart actually aches for you. I'm so sorry this happened.

As an aside, (and this was my choice and I realise it's not for everyone), but my children have only been alone with myself, my partner, or nursery until they were three or so. Helps avoid things like this.

I’d be furious; that’s very unsafe and I wouldn’t be letting them look after my DC again for a very long time.

I would be extremely angry and also very emotional about this! I ebf our first and became really overprotective about his feeding so would have been absolutely devastated. Vegan or not, that food combination wouldn't usually be advised as a first meal in any situation never mind at 3 months! I really feel for you and I wouldn't trust that person with childcare for a long time!

I would really be furious about this.
Feeding your 3 month old food is just unsafe. Feeding them meat of all things?!
Not only because you're vegan but meat as a first food? When is meat ever a first food?!

And the first trying of food is a special moment for you to enjoy as parents and as a family with your baby.
I would be so angry with this and I'd feel so reluctant to leave my baby alone with them again after this. I just wouldn't feel I could trust them after making such unsafe, disrespectful and ignorant choices.

I would lose my shit if someone fed my 3 month old solid food, regardless of what that food was. It goes against all guidelines and is frankly negligent. They wouldn't be spending any time alone with my child after that and to be honest I'm not sure how the relationship would recover.

I wouldnt leave them alone with the child again tbh. No way i could trust them again. DD has an egg allergy (raw eggwhite only). Just to be safe i dont want her to have eggs when im not there. Cake etc is fine because the egg is fully cooked. Boiled eggs are usually ok too, but we dont want to risk it.
My inlaws knew about the allergy, but they always said they dont believe in allergies. When they baby sat her once when she was 2 they made her a fried egg 🤦🏻‍♀️
We ended up in the hospital. They were sorry, but honestly I cant trust them anymore. DD is 6 now and hasnt been staying there alone anymore. Its not just the allergy. Im pretty certain that they wouldnt make that mistake again.
But like you said, if they dont agree with me on something, are they just gonna ignore my wishes and do what i want? Most likely.

Ignoring the vegan diet isnt dangerous of course, but your child is way too young for solid food. And even in a couple months, she shouldnt be fed with just anything. Its a slow process of introducing things bit by bit.

I'd be a bit miffed and tell whoever it was not to do it again.

Who gives meat as a first food?! I'd be upset aswell, especially as you say missing that moment.
I've never liked the cry it out method, I've had people tell me to do it and it's horrible. Your baby just gets so upset and exhausted and learns no-one will come if they cry. Babies want to be with their parents, animals don't give birth and shove them in another room (or field or cave lol.)

I’d be fucking livid and doubly so if I were you, given your veggie/vegan decisions. I’m certainly not either but clearly this person has absolutely no respect for your wishes or really for the well-being of your child. Feeding a three month old solids simply isn’t okay. All my trust in them would be entirely lost.

As for the CIO ‘method’ I personally think it’s awful but you hit the nail on the head in saying that it isn’t so much the difference in opinion as the fact they are basically saying they will disregard what you want for your child.

Most definitely, I wouldn’t be leaving my dc with them again until much older

Babies were weaned onto solids at three months for many many many years, then it went to four months, then to six months so from a physical point of view there wasn't much of a risk, as for the rest of it.....

I'd be fuming. Aside from the sheer rudeness of feeding the baby of vegan parents meat, the absolute gall of someone to feed a 3mo baby anything at all without permission from their parents is staggering. Are they incredibly stupid? I am not a precious parent, but my baby would not be left with them again.

@Nelliephant1

Babies were weaned onto solids at three months for many many many years, then it went to four months, then to six months so from a physical point of view there wasn't much of a risk, as for the rest of it.....

Perhaps so...but judging from the old weaning books passed to me by my mother those babies would have been offered mainly pureed fruit, yoghurt, porridge and sweet veg. Not meat!

Yeah this is not okay!

I would be absolutely furious, I would hit the roof. Regardless of the vegan/meat issue, it is solid food and a three month old baby, without parents permission. I would not be allowing these people to care for my child again for a long, long time.