Would this upset you?

[Soph567]

Just before I start I'm sorry I'm being deliberately a bit vague on specifics on purpose as wouldn't ever want to upset the people involved.

Would you be hurt if a family member fed your baby (that is ebf and isn't weaning yet as too young as only 3 months) meat, some sauce and some sort of cheesy egg thing without your permission. Most wasn't swallowed of course.

Myself and my husband are vegan and have been for 10+ years, veggie for much longer, and intend to raise our lo vegan at home and veggie when out if can't find vegan so he doesn't miss out at birthday parties etc. When he is old enough he can make the decision on whether he wants to be fully vegan, veggie, eat meat or be flexitarian etc. I am fully aware of all the nutrients lo needs and am confident we have a good, healthy, balanced vegan diet and will be able to raise him this way healthily.

It's not just the vegan side that upset me, it's that he is not ready for food yet and feeding him was a choking risk, and all the salt that those foods would have contained. We want to personally follow the NHS guidelines and wait until he is 6+ months as that is what feels right for my husband and I. I feel like they've taken away our experience of giving lo his first food and that being a special moment for us as a family. And that it is forever in my mind now that my lo's first food was meat now.

I won't be expecting any family to make lo when weaned and will be providing the food I've made for him if we go around to anyone's or need to leave lo with anyone. But I'm worried now that in the future lo will be given something to eat and told to keep it a secret from us. This is something I have no space for and do not believe that anyone should be encouraging him to keep secrets from us as this can normalise keeping secrets from mummy and daddy and could make him vulnerable to abuse.

I'm now also scared that they'll be other parenting decision that they don't believe in and they'll not follow if lo is with them, like we've discussed me not wanting to do cry it out method, when they raised their opinion upon this being necessary at some point (like they were telling me they know best and that I'll cave to this at some point).

I really feel like my trust has been knocked and not sure how to build it back up again as I really want lo to have a good relationship with family and don't want them to see any tension between me and other family members. I'm not a confrontational person and had a fantastic relationship with the person involved pre baby so this is really hard for me.

Mine are all way past this point but I would have been absolutely raging about this. It's not Ok on any level - who thinks it is ok to give an unweaned baby meat as their first food - vegan or not?!? Bonkers and dangerous. I think you sound extremely measured under the circumstances!

Meat?? As a first food? NOBODY does that.

I’m sorry if this puts an unwanted idea in your head, but to me that choice (of meat, at 3 months) was deliberate commentary of that person’s views in your veganism and your decision to raise your child as a vegan/ vegetarian.

Nobody would give a 3 month old baby, who can’t sit upright yet and is ebf, meat as a first food. It was given deliberately, for the baby to taste it, lick or suck on it. That tells you a lot about that person.

Hurt? No. I'd be fuming though and they wouldn't be left with my baby again. The gut is vitally important to health and I went to a lot of trouble to breastfeed and provide my baby the best start in life possible. Could be those around me realised this so didn't do such a thing. You need to make it clear.

That is so dangerous, even putting aside the vegan/meat issue it's absolutely insane to feed those kinds of solids to a 3 month old?? That person would never look after my child alone again and I would think very hard about whether they would be able to see us again at all tbh.

@givethatbabyaname

Meat?? As a first food? NOBODY does that.

I’m sorry if this puts an unwanted idea in your head, but to me that choice (of meat, at 3 months) was deliberate commentary of that person’s views in your veganism and your decision to raise your child as a vegan/ vegetarian.

Nobody would give a 3 month old baby, who can’t sit upright yet and is ebf, meat as a first food. It was given deliberately, for the baby to taste it, lick or suck on it. That tells you a lot about that person.

Oh they do. Our Italian family fed pureed steak to their first child around 5 months.

I’d be losing my shit mad at this.
It’d be a helluva long time before myself or my baby saw the person/people again.

As per PPs above, nobody got to make those decisions but us. First foods are vegan/veggie anyway, regardless of how you wish to continue with a diet. Hopefully yours spat it out as they weren't ready for solids, ours certain weren't at that age. I also would not be leaving them unsupervised near that relative for a long long time.

Not ok - being vegan doesn’t even come into it, I’d be furious at attempting to give food to a 3 month old.

My 6 year old has been brought up vegan and is doing really well. Just thought I'd let you know that.

I'd be furious. It's dangerous and just plain disrespectful!

YANBU I am veggie, I would be absolutely livid.

Even taking out the vegetarian aspect I would be furious if someone took it upon themselves to feed my un-weaned baby solids.

Aww yeah - look just ignore the fuck out of them and anyone else who thinks they know you child best.

They know their child best and that is literally it.

I’ve spent 2 years dealing with this shit and I just shut it down now, I do not want or need advice, I’d rather come here and ask for it 🤣

Regardless of the food, I’d be livid, as your child is only 3 months. The choice of food makes me think they have zero respect for you. I don’t have people like that in my life.

@Nelliephant1

Babies were weaned onto solids at three months for many many many years, then it went to four months, then to six months so from a physical point of view there wasn't much of a risk, as for the rest of it.....

Absolutely correct.

There's clearly medical reasons the weaning advice has changed.

When they were weaning at 3 months they were also putting newborn babies in baskets on backseats of cars with no seatbelts.

There is harm in early weaning.

I'd be furious with them. It's risky, disrespectful and a huge betrayal of trust. I wouldn't feel able to trust them with my child again after that.

I'd be absolutely raging. Are they an old, out of touch person who doesn't know that the recommended age for weaning is six months now?? Do they know you are vegan??

If so, they are being VVVVU indeed. And I would tell them so. I wouldn't trust them with my dc again. Wtf were they thinking???

when my son was born 26 years ago I was advised to wean him at 6 months and was given a schedule of foods to introduce carefully one at a time. so it has been many many years since that advice was the norm.

Maybe Italian babies were weaned onto pureed meat like someone said but most weaning - even at 3 months - was on soft pappy stuff like pured oats or fruit or bread and milk - for obvious reasons seeing as it is a baby who hasn't eaten anything before. I also think they deliberately chose meat because they disagree with you and were hoping to say "oh he loved it, ate it all up, he was starving"

I wouldn't fall out over this - would simply not trust them alone with my baby for a good while to come.

I wouldn’t be hurt, I’d be really really cross. You don’t unilaterally decide to give a 3 month old any food at all without the parents’ consent.

Whoever did it is an idiot. Yes years ago babies might be given a little rice or mashed rusk at 3 months, but meat and sauce? Never! Also weaning time is decided by the parents, no one else, and the fact that the baby's parents are vegan is just the icing on the bloody cake. I would totally lose my shit over this.

Dont let them near your child again. They are horrible idiots to think that it was ok to give your child any food let alone meat, they obviously have no respect for you whatsoever. However baby probably took very little had no idea what was going on and at 6 months it will still be a special experience for you all and I really hope whoever fed him at 3months is not around then. You are the parents and it’s up to you how to feed and bring up your baby, no one else should be interfering!

@Springdaisy

I wouldnt leave them alone with the child again tbh. No way i could trust them again. DD has an egg allergy (raw eggwhite only). Just to be safe i dont want her to have eggs when im not there. Cake etc is fine because the egg is fully cooked. Boiled eggs are usually ok too, but we dont want to risk it. My inlaws knew about the allergy, but they always said they dont believe in allergies. When they baby sat her once when she was 2 they made her a fried egg 🤦🏻‍♀️ We ended up in the hospital. They were sorry, but honestly I cant trust them anymore. DD is 6 now and hasnt been staying there alone anymore. Its not just the allergy. Im pretty certain that they wouldnt make that mistake again. But like you said, if they dont agree with me on something, are they just gonna ignore my wishes and do what i want? Most likely.

Ignoring the vegan diet isnt dangerous of course, but your child is way too young for solid food. And even in a couple months, she shouldnt be fed with just anything. Its a slow process of introducing things bit by bit.

This is my fear also. DS1 has a peanut allergy. Just peanuts on the food front but I had a family member opine that all these allergies nowadays were due to attention seeking from over protective parents and said she would feed him a snickers if he ever came to her for babysitting.

Might have been just bravado but guess who has never been allowed near DS1 (and indeed was quietly phased out of our lives).

I would never leave them unsupervised with my DC ever again and question my own relationship to be honest.

They’ve fucked over so many boundaries here OP and, frankly must be lacking in intelligence to attempt to give any food to such a young baby.

Even if you weren’t vegan I think you are reasonable to be furious at the fact they gave your 3mo any food at all, especially as it was made up of so many ingredients. I thought it was good practice to initially only introduce one food at a time in case of allergies etc and as you say the salt levels in a meal like that would be too high.

I would definitely never leave your baby alone with them again so that they weren’t in a position to do anything of the sort in the future.