Co sleeping worries

[cttd1]

My little boy is 9 months. He slept from 8pm until 5am in his next to me until he was 5 months old. Since then he will not sleep anywhere except our bed (he will sleep 12 hours!) which we don't mind as we get more sleep that way and also he's our first baby so enjoying every minute of it.

He has been able to roll for months now he's a very sturdy baby, very capable and strong. However, he's been turning onto his tummy whilst in our bed (only when we're in the the living room and he has enough space to do so) is this safe? He's on the mattress, he's never fully face down, his face is to the side but I have anxiety to the point where I just sit next to him pretty much until I want to go to bed! Any advice appreciated :)

It is not safe. Adult mattresses are not suitable for anyone under two years old.
There's a Facebook group - safe sleep and baby care- evidence based support (I think that's what it's called).
Perhaps have a look. They have lots of evidence-based advice.

It's fine so long as your mattress is firm. If you google it there is a way of testing with a stack of CD's and a milk carton whether the mattress is firm enough for a baby, I think it should be an 8 or 9 out of 10 firmness rating. I know it can be expensive but we ended up investing in a new firm mattress for complete peace of mind. Although I also remember reading somewhere that most standard mattresses are firm enough really.

I personally wouldn't risk it, baby mattresses are typically significantly firmer than adult mattresses as soft mattresses increase the risk of suffocation. I have a lot of sympathy though, my 6 month old girl wakes in her cot up to 10x per night, and on the few occasions I have lifted her into bed (with me wide awake and watching her like a hawk) she has slept like a log. I'm sure cosleeping would result in me getting much much more sleep but I just don't think anything is worth that risk.

Mine all slept in our bed and I don't regret it for a second, it's comforting gif the child and bonding for you both. Do what feels right for your family.

Perfectly safe as long as it's firm enough mattress. (And doesn't have a soft mattress topper on top).

If he rolls onto his tummy by himself, there are no pillows/duvets around him and your mattress is reasonably firm I'd be ok with it. I've co-slept with both of mine though pretty much from birth so I'm pretty comfortable with Co-sleeping generally.

Would you feel happier with a video monitor on him?

Two things:

1. Is the mattress firm enough? It needs to be a LOT firmer than you think for a baby. Think "base of a travel cot" firm. If it's comfortable for an adult, it's probably too soft for a baby.

1. Now he can roll, it isn't safe for him to be on a bed without sides unless it is on the floor. So get bumpers for the bed, put the mattress on the floor, or stay with him.

TBH I know cosleeping works for lots of families, but the longer it goes on, the longer it goes on, if that makes any sense. 8m is a good time to teach him to sleep in his own bed.

@MolliciousIntent when he's on his side his face isn't sunken into the mattress so I think it's quite firm yes but not as firm as a cot mattress. We've also moved mattress on the floor!😅

I've tried everything, he cannot self soothe at all. And when I say everything I mean everything except cry it out method which I will not do. He sleeps in his cot for 4 hours then wakes up screaming and nothing I do will settle him at all I've really persisted with it. I have bad anxiety so this is just a relief for me without the stress and to be able to sleep.

Also I don't mind co sleeping as I said, we're an extremely close family and enjoying every moment so don't mind co sleeping.

Just out of curiosity when would everyone say it's actually safe to co sleep?

If you've got a baby that needs physical proximity to feel safe and relaxed enough to sleep then you just do! It's a personality trait in my view!

Both of mine have been the same and no amount of "drowsy but awake" or "shh patting" made a blind bit of difference they just screamed in fury until held!

We had a mattress on the floor for a while, now have a super king with bed guards on either side. 5 year old generally sleeps through in his own bed now unless he has a bad dream etc. 2 year old still in with me but I'm so used to it now it feels weird not having him there!

He now has his own pillow and uses the duvet, I think we started that at around 18 months? Thin pillow and a low-ish tog duvet. By 18 months DS2 could easily climb in and out of the bed himself etc so pretty mobile.

Sorry but please don’t do this it’s not safe at all. Co- sleeping is not safe - there are tragic stories every year. Will take a bit of work to get them sleeping out of your bed but please do.

Co- sleeping is not safe - there are tragic stories every year.

Oh, stop it.

@Sunshinegirl82 that has made me feel so much better thank you for replying!

Were used to it too, as I said before we're very close as a family. We're also wanting a super king size bed also.

When can he be under the quilt and use a pillow? He's in a sleeping bag atm!

Also what's safer? He's currently In the middle (both me and my partner are very weary and careful) is the middle safer or on my side?

Also our mattress is currently on the floor, need bed rails, would you recommend any? As when we're not in the room he tosses and turns every way and don't want him falling off any side of the bed (even bottom) do you recommend any all round bed guards? Thanks x

It’s not

Co- sleeping is not safe - there are tragic stories every year

What rubbish Maybe do some research before scaremongering.

@Hyppogriff

Sorry but please don’t do this it’s not safe at all. Co- sleeping is not safe - there are tragic stories every year. Will take a bit of work to get them sleeping out of your bed but please do.

Thanks for the advice on HOW to stop co sleeping 😘

I co-slept birth-9 months as was EBF but DD was never unattended. I went to bed with her. I don’t think it is safe to leave them without you there.

My mattress is very firm as that’s how I like it, didn’t use a duvet etc so it was “safe”. But I still wouldn’t leave unattended.

DH didn’t sleep with us, and I always slept in the Safe C position. I used the bedside crib (long grown out of) as an effective bed rail, DD didn’t really roll but if she did she couldn’t go over the edge. Normal bed rails are not safe.

You shouldn’t use a sleeping bag when co-sleeping, DD just had layered sleepsuit and vest.

I transitioned to cot in my room from 9 months by sleeping next to it and holding her hand. She was ready, there was no drama. She didn’t go in to own room until 15 months. She co-sleeps with me now when she’s ill, but at 2.5 she has the duvet and pillow and can get in and out herself which feels much more relaxing.

@Hyppogriff you are completely right.
It just isn't safe. That's it. Of course many people will say that they did it and it was fine, but they are the lucky ones. Survivor's bias.

Op if you don't want to co-sleep then put your baby in a cot, alone on their back. Then leave them to sleep. In answer to your other question, I guess it is safer after two years, although not ideal because there's always a chance of an adult suffocating them by mistake.

@Hyppogriff

Sorry but please don’t do this it’s not safe at all. Co- sleeping is not safe - there are tragic stories every year. Will take a bit of work to get them sleeping out of your bed but please do.

Do you have some data to back that up? Because currently UK data on SIDS suggests otherwise.

@Hyppogriff

This is the most up to data I have found

IN 2017, 183 BABIES DIED OF SIDS IN THE UK: 0.03% OF ALL BIRTHS
Previous UK data suggests:
■ around half of SIDS babies die while sleeping in a cot or Moses basket.
■ around half of SIDS babies die while co-sleeping. However, 90% of these babies
died in hazardous situations which are largely preventable.

Do you have something different to share?

[quote cttd1]@Sunshinegirl82 that has made me feel so much better thank you for replying!

Were used to it too, as I said before we're very close as a family. We're also wanting a super king size bed also.

When can he be under the quilt and use a pillow? He's in a sleeping bag atm!

Also what's safer? He's currently In the middle (both me and my partner are very weary and careful) is the middle safer or on my side?

Also our mattress is currently on the floor, need bed rails, would you recommend any? As when we're not in the room he tosses and turns every way and don't want him falling off any side of the bed (even bottom) do you recommend any all round bed guards? Thanks x
[/quote]
I kept baby between me and the bed guard. Baby wore a sleeping bag with legs (Slumbersac do them) and wasn't covered by the duvet.

I didn't have a hard and fast rule on the when I moved to using duvets etc but it was once he was over one and I felt that his mobility was good enough that he could manoeuvre himself well.

Op if you don't want to co-sleep then put your baby in a cot, alone on their back. Then leave them to sleep.

Wow, thank you!

@Thursday37 why should you not use a sleeping bag while cosleeping? Not being rude just curious as have never read that before.

@Nellle

Op if you don't want to co-sleep then put your baby in a cot, alone on their back. Then leave them to sleep.

Wow, thank you!

Honestly helped so much LOL

The Lullaby Trust is the place to go for good advice. They’ve worked with UNICEF on some guidance. www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

The issue with the ‘no co-sleeping ever’ approach is that exhausted parents fall asleep with their babies accidentally and this is almost always much riskier than planned cosleeping. Even if you don’t want to cosleep then knowing how to do so safely could prevent you from accidentally ending up in an unsafe position.

I would either keep baby with you until you go to bed or put him to sleep in the cot for the first part of the night (will he do this?). Then transfer him to your bed when he first wakes.

With the mattress on the floor there’s nothing else you need to do other than follow the guidance. Bed guards/bumpers aren’t safe before 18 months.

There’s a nice Facebook group called UK cosleepers where you get advice and support. They can also advice on a ‘side car’ arrangement for a full size cot.

[quote FrodisCapering]@Hyppogriff you are completely right.
It just isn't safe. That's it. Of course many people will say that they did it and it was fine, but they are the lucky ones. Survivor's bias.

Op if you don't want to co-sleep then put your baby in a cot, alone on their back. Then leave them to sleep. In answer to your other question, I guess it is safer after two years, although not ideal because there's always a chance of an adult suffocating them by mistake.[/quote]
Oh put the baby IN the cot you say and just "leave them to sleep"! It never occurred to me to try such a thing! You should write a book and share your maverick ideas with the world!

Honestly "safe sleep" is the new "natural birth"/breastfeeding as a topic that people feel justified in preaching to others about. Statistically, not breastfeeding increases the risk of SIDS, so does not using a dummy, it's not black and white. Parenting is just one long risk assessment, most people are just doing the best they can with the cards they're dealt.