Curfew for 17 year old DD

[foodaddict21]

If you have a 17 year old, what's their curfew if going out with friends, and no college or work the next day?

DH & I have differing opinions, but she's our eldest so newly navigating this. For context, she's very sensible, will have a couple of drinks at most, and generally these evenings will be spent at a friends house, then a taxi home.

My dd is 16 and in Year 12. No set curfew, but usually it's either me or a friend's parent picking her up and driving her home, or else she stays over at a friend's house. She never really needs to get taxis.

I'm quite a late sleeper anyway, so usually happy to pick up any time before midnight. Would probably do up to 1ish but she has never asked.

As long as she is a)safe and b) up & ready for any commitments the next day, then I don't have a problem.

No 17 year old here, but at 17 she's nearly an adult, so rather than setting curfews I'd be looking to move on to respectful communication about where she's going and when. As a member of the household she should let you know where she's going and when she expects to be back and communicate with you if that changes (as you and you DH presumably already do with each other and her) as that's respectful and safe. If she's tired because she's been up late then she can deal with that; she already knows the consequence of less sleep and can do a cost benefit of that for herself.

Both great replies, thank you.

She did only turn 17 last week, & I asked her to be home by 1am last night, which she was. We still have her on Life360, which I've udders to remove her from, but she wants to keep it on for now, so I do always know where she is, if I ever feel the need to check, which is rare.

DH is defo struggling more with this than I am, and I keep reminding him that neither of us had curfews at this age. Plus as I said, she's a really sensible girl for the most part, as was I, he wasn't so much - probably why he's struggling!

*offered

At 17 I had started Uni but by 16 dad would pick me up at 12, after that I had to pay for a taxi.
I also had to be quiet getting in.

Honestly I was pretty sensible and didn't take the proverbial.

DS is 16,year 12 but a summer born so his mates and GF are all 17. He can be out until midnight without an issue but we ask that he lets us know if he’ll be out later. We live in a village, where his closest mates also live so they walk home in a group.

I also ask that his GF’s parents know in advance if she is staying here. Because there are several of them in the village, we often find that teens from other villages are staying over. As long as we know who they are, that’s fine.

No curfew at 17, but I would normally expect to be told general plans and approximate return time, and informed if plans changed, such as being much later, staying over etc. This has occasionally not happened, due to phones out of battery and loss of signal, and yes, you do worry, but that could happen just the same with a rigorously enforced curfew.

Probably midnight for a special occasion, 11 for a party. DD is 16, going out tomorrow and I’m picking her up at 11. I HATE late nights, but I want her under my roof.

No curfew. He drives and is really sensible, the only agreement is that I know where he is and his ETA, and he'll let me know if anything changes. Same arrangement with both his older sisters when they were 17, and mutual trust and respect has meant it works/worked perfectly.

No curfew at 17, but I would normally expect to be told general plans and approximate return time, and informed if plans changed, such as being much later, staying over etc.
Same here. Ds is usually in by 2am unless he's sleeping over. I don't really like it but I'd rather he came home with friends at 2 than on his own at midnight.

Mine didn't have a curfew at that age but did need to communicate their moves ..

Offers to pick up until 11. After that I would help towards taxis but they all worked from 14 so had to contribute.

No curfew but they need to let you know roughly if/when they’re coming home and keep you updated if plans change so you’re not worrying if they don’t come home when they’ve said they will. I expect that of my partner too, it’s just courtesy.

How do you propose to enforce a curfew on a 17 y.o.?

At 17 with nothing to do the next day, I was expected to give an approximate return time and text if that changed. No curfew.

Why does she need a curfew? It sounds like she can manage her own life perfectly well.

Surely non?! At least not within the next few months anyway if she’s only just turned 17. You need to work on respectful communication and understanding the house. For example she can’t come in late making lots of noise if you have to be up at 6am. It’s better she learns to manage herself. You’ll have no say in a few months really so may as well go into it gently now.

Mine's just turned 18 but in recent times she was expected to be home by 1ish (which is when the local public transport stops). I might be happy with later if someone was bringing her home. I'm just working on the "I'm going to bed, message me when you're home" thing, as I've woken for a wee at 4am to find a message saying "just leaving now" and been relieved to find trainers in the hall, and evidence of midnight snacking. It's all very nerve wracking, but I know you have to let them get on with it to some degree.

Well I couldn't sleep until my 17 was home, so usually I would say 11pm ish, unless they had something then special on, then 1am.

I'm on my 3rd teenager, and do wonder about "they're nearly an adult" replies. Most parents IME even those of 18yos still at school want their DC home before midnight. This is what I've noticed from the times my DCs friends go home.

DD is 16, Yr 11 and it seems to be an exceptionally sociable year group compared to my older kids. She has to be picked up at 12/12.30 for parties and during the week I ask for her to be in bed by 11 if she has school the next morning. DH and I like to sleep quite early, but we take turns with DDs friends to do the chauffeuring.

I was a sensible 17 year old and had to be home by 10pm. All hell broke loose if I was even five minutes late.

My son is 17 and we don't have a curfew. He says if he will be late (which can be 5am) and texts when he gets in.

Gosh, when I was 17 and 6 months, I was living in halls of residence at uni! If say she's an adult and a curfew is infantilising, but I'm guessing I'll be in the minority here

No curfew for ours in the holidays either for DS (18) or even for DD (nearly 16). They both tell us what their plans are, let us know where they are and are good at responding to my "are you still alive?" texts. DD is never out and about on her own and we do a lot of late night lifts home for her and her friends. It's scary but the elder one is off to uni in a few months 🤞 so I'd rather he learned all this stuff now with his friends in our quiet little town than with people he doesn't really know in his big uni city.

School nights would be different, but neither of them ever suggest staying out late when they have school the next day.

When mine was 17 she rarely went out before 10/10.30. Pre drinks at ours with friends. No curfew at that age, just asked her to let us know if she was staying over at friends and wasn’t expected home.

I never had a curfew for my two (now at uni). I just asked them to let me know when they were coming home by text. I only picked them up rarely (usually when they'd drunk too much) as we live in a safe area in London and they were usually walking back with friends.