Curfew for 17 year old DD

[foodaddict21]

If you have a 17 year old, what's their curfew if going out with friends, and no college or work the next day?

DH & I have differing opinions, but she's our eldest so newly navigating this. For context, she's very sensible, will have a couple of drinks at most, and generally these evenings will be spent at a friends house, then a taxi home.

@QueenofLouisiana

DS is 16,year 12 but a summer born so his mates and GF are all 17. He can be out until midnight without an issue but we ask that he lets us know if he’ll be out later. We live in a village, where his closest mates also live so they walk home in a group.

I also ask that his GF’s parents know in advance if she is staying here. Because there are several of them in the village, we often find that teens from other villages are staying over. As long as we know who they are, that’s fine.

Ha..remember this crashing out….. I’d come down in morning and find a stash of strange shoes lined up in my hall. Luckily we had a extra downstairs living room used just by our teens which made it easy- maybe too easy which is why they all seemed to come to ours! I had a few rules

• No sleepovers of different sex where there were just 1 girl. Needed to be at least 2 girls in same room as others. Until they went to uni.
• no sleepovers in their bedrooms unless prior agreed about who, when. That was dropped when they went to uni
• They needed to let their parents know where they were if under 18
• If they wanted lift home in morning they needed to ask in advance and allow me to have a lie in - eg my conviniance as to when I took them home. Rule still applies!

1. No noise after 11:30pm ….like mice! The room was extension and dc room above, so was pretty sound proofed and could play loudish music…but the loo and kitchen were not and they’d go in and out of loo or kitchen shouting conversations on their way. Or they did until I read a riot act one night at 2am. All of them 🤣😳 . I had an important meeting in morning in fairness- needed a full night sleep.

Op…I think it’s fine to have a curfew on “work” nights both for dc schooling and your ability to get a decent nights sleep. I think it’s not unreasonable to say 10-10:30 pm in those cases, unless by exception and prior arrangement.

At weekends and non work days, I think a curfew isn’t needed. Get her a key. Ask her to tell you roughly when she expects to be back. Ask her to call you when she leaves the place she’s been at if travelling by public transport or taxi (things can go wrong in taxis for various reasons) . Ask her to call if she is going to be later leaving than she thought. Same as you would with a spouse. Say you will always pick her up if she feels vulnerable. If she’s happier to have you tracking her then that’s ok for now, helps build her confidence.
Maybe challenge your Dp on why he wants to impose a curfew- not as an argument but a genuine discussion. What does he think the advantages are for you both, him and dc? What could be the disadvantages of it? When would he ease of and why at that point? Try to get him to articulate his concerns beyond a knee jerk feeling. Maybe ask him would he impose these rules on a son? What were the rules he had when that age? Did that stop him doing stuff or help him?

darta.net.au/

This guy tells the schools he lectures to that curfew is the year of school you are in. Year 10 = 10pm etc.

It works well for us and is dd’s default answer if she thinks she’s under a bit of peer pressure. Quite a few of her friends follow the rule, also.