Autism

[peaches36]

My son is just turned 3 and starting nursery in a few weeks. Most of his life so far has been lockdowns so has been pretty sheltered sadly. I’m just after some support and advice hopefully as Im worried there’s something wrong with him.

Doesn’t talk
Rarely understands instructions
Sometimes doesn’t respond to his name
Doesn’t clap or wave
Doesn’t really play with toys/games and prefers to do things alone
Flaps his arms a lot, likes to spin round
Occasionally lines up cars etc (not very often at all)
He hand leads when he wants something

But then I flip it in my head and think there’s loads of ‘signs’ that don’t apply to him, he’s super loving, fine around other people/kids, has no eye contact issues, if he wants a drink he’ll bring me his cup etc. I read online (silly I know) and my only concern is some articles say literally everything and anything is an autism ‘red flag’ (hate that phrase) sign.

I’m going to call the HV over the weekend but in the meantime any thoughts/similar experiences/advice?

Have you spoken to HV or Dr regarding his speech? Has he had a hearing test?

@Bornsloppy

Have you spoken to HV or Dr regarding his speech? Has he had a hearing test?

HV is aware of the speech thing, but they’re crap at keeping in contact. I have been contacting her quite regularly but to no avail. I’m calling her tomorrow to discuss!

Also no to a hearing test. I hadn’t even realised how linked speech and hearing could be until recently so that’s also on my to do list.

Tell the nursery/HV and ask them to monitor him. There are a lot of kids at nursery now who are displaying autism-like symptoms due to social isolation. Hopefully most will recover once they start getting regular interaction at nursery and school. So I think it’s a bit early to worry.

@Arianya

Tell the nursery/HV and ask them to monitor him. There are a lot of kids at nursery now who are displaying autism-like symptoms due to social isolation. Hopefully most will recover once they start getting regular interaction at nursery and school. So I think it’s a bit early to worry.

He starts nursery very soon and they’re aware of his speech delay/our concerns.

A lot of the signs I listed above he doesn’t do all the time, as I said his eye contact is brilliant but I know the Autism sign’ list is absolutely gigantic so you almost can’t help but self diagnose every little quirk. We’re definitely keeping an eye though and on it.

Eye contact isn't an indicator for autism nor is being loving.

My son is 27 months great eye contact and highly loving but is on the pathway for an autism assessment. Speak to the HV and just get them to watch your child and have a chat with you. Google isn't great for these things.

Get a hearing test and if thats clear ask for a referral.

@Mummyof2Terrors

Eye contact isn't an indicator for autism nor is being loving.

My son is 27 months great eye contact and highly loving but is on the pathway for an autism assessment. Speak to the HV and just get them to watch your child and have a chat with you. Google isn't great for these things.

This is why I hate myself for googling!

Avoiding eye contact on one website is early autism sign... It’s just bonkers isn’t it. Some lists are endless

Yeah lack of eye contact and empathy as indicators are not to be relied upon when it comes to ASD. My ds is very empathic (too much sometimes, which is often why they shut off because the feelings become too much for them to experience). He never lined things up, never span, doesn't have stims. We do have a diagnosis of Autism. Push hard on the hearing test that could make a big difference. Do you have a local child development centre, they may be more use than the health visitor. We went through ours for hearing stuff and then speech and language therapy (SALT). I had to push a lot to get SALT.

@Pashazade

Yeah lack of eye contact and empathy as indicators are not to be relied upon when it comes to ASD. My ds is very empathic (too much sometimes, which is often why they shut off because the feelings become too much for them to experience). He never lined things up, never span, doesn't have stims. We do have a diagnosis of Autism. Push hard on the hearing test that could make a big difference. Do you have a local child development centre, they may be more use than the health visitor. We went through ours for hearing stuff and then speech and language therapy (SALT). I had to push a lot to get SALT.

My HV has been pants. We moved counties just after he was born and we ended up in a complete limbo. I’ve had to fight to even get her contact number!! I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s got ear issues, even slightly!

Thank you for all your replies. It’s helpful to see differences in peoples experiences

Definitely insist on a hearing test . They thought my brother was Autistic but instead it turns out he was deaf from glue ear. He got grommets at 3 and was talking within 6 months.

You don’t need the health visitor just phone the GP. Does he have any words at all?

@5zeds

You don’t need the health visitor just phone the GP. Does he have any words at all?

Nope. He’s very vocal though (just not words!!!)

He really tries though I’ll give him that! He has said ‘duggee’ ‘mummy’ but not constantly, which the HV told me means he can’t say them at all.

I don’t think you can blame not speaking on lockdowns if your child is 3. It’s a bit concerning that he hasn’t already had any speech and language input. You’ve already missed a big window of development during which he could have been having support. Be insistent when you speak to the HV. He only has you to advocate for him

@Piper22

I don’t think you can blame not speaking on lockdowns if your child is 3. It’s a bit concerning that he hasn’t already had any speech and language input. You’ve already missed a big window of development during which he could have been having support. Be insistent when you speak to the HV. He only has you to advocate for him

I’m not blaming on anything? He was barely 1 when lockdown began and couldn’t even walk, so yes I do say lockdown has played a part since there were zero baby groups, couldn’t see family etc.

Theres no need for the sly shaming by saying I’ve missed a big window where he could have been having support, I’m well aware

You definitely need to push really hard for involvement if he has no words at all at 3 and can't understand instructions. That's an extremely significant delay. You might need to make a nuisance of yourself but HV should have got involved a year ago. Keep calling, call SALT direct, call the GP.

I would be going straight to the GP, not necessarily because I suspect autism but you really need help to access SALT etc. so you don't lose any more time.

You don’t need the health visitor. Self refer for hearing and Speech and Language and see the GP as well.

In my area you can self refer to audiology. So that would be my first step. Ask for an urgent referral to speech and language. 50 words by age 2 is 'average' so he needs to be seen ASAP. Often speech and language have input into autism diagnosis so they may be able to say if this is a concern also. Find out if your area has a children's assessment unit for autism - again in my area they only see children upto age 4, so this needs to be urgent too. If your HV is useless bypass them and go to the GP.

peaches there are definitely indications of significant developmental delay in what you are describing. That can be caused by many things not just autism so it is definitely time to push the GP to assess.

I will say though that my eldest has suspected ASD she has other ND diagnosis (age 16) and youngest has ASD (level 2 ASD so relatively impacted by it) and to be honest it is not something we get too worked up about. They are just children who are developing in their own way and at their own pace. They are both genuinely awesome. Your son is too.

He's currently about 18 months+ behind with his speech, assuming he is newly 3, so he really needs to be seen asap. I know it's hard but you have to push push push. Phone calls every day, keep trying different people, SALT directly, every resource you can find, make your name on everyone's radar. Nursery will be much more challenging for him going directly into preschool age group with no words and unable to follow instructions so whatever you can do before then can only help.

No-one is trying to shame you, and lockdown will definitely have played a part in that referrals won't have been made that should have been, either due to poor HV support or families not realising how delayed their children are. You know now which referrals need to be made and will act on them, no need to beat yourself up. One final suggestion - see if your area has a specialist early years department, and if so contact them. No doubt nursery will do this, but the earlier they are involved the better. They can arrange funding for extra staff, eg 1-1 support. Your son is very delayed. This is not said to make you feel bad but to point out the reality. It's not easy to hear, I know.

He sounds like he's fairly significantly behind. I'd not bother with the HV and push the GP for a referral and get a hearing test done asap. If you can id pay for speech and language help privately or at least an assessment.

My sons got severe autism but he's super loving.
He doesn't flap his arms or line things up either lol he's just himself.
Nursery was good for my boy and the staff were amazing with him x

I agree with others. I would bypass the HV now and go straight to the GP and ask for a referral to speech and language and also to a paediatrician. Did the HV not do his 2 year check??