My fears/concerns about being a parent came true

[maybeimjustlikemymother]

I will preface this by saying I'm not in the best place physically or emotionally. I've been unwell with a chest infection for over three weeks and life feels relentless. I'm self employed so can't take time off without it causing stress.

Basically, I was never sure I wanted to be a mum yet at the same time on some level I knew that I would have a daughter one day and that I would adore her. I have a beautiful two year old girl now and I do adore her!

BUT my hesitations about becoming a parent were for good reason as there are some parts I really struggle with. So although I love my daughter, on some level I feel I shouldn't have made the decision to have a child as I'm not cut out for it.

Working full time in a patient-centred, highly responsible role all week and then being with a two year old most of the weekend is so draining. I get the odd hour or two to myself but it's never enough. I think because I tend to use that time to catch up on work. I am a doctor (won't say more as it may be outing) and I feel frustrated that I can't dedicate the time I would pre-child to my continuing professional development and building my career. I love my work and am passionate about my work/helping my patients. I feel so torn trying to run my business, find time for rest and be a good parent.

I also feel like I need way more time alone to recharge than other mums I know, who seem to relax with their children and find parenting more enjoyable then I do.

I can't say I regret having my daughter but in some ways, knowing my temperament and tendency to be very work/career focused, it was potentially a poor decision to become a parent.

I am able to be present with my daughter and genuinely enjoy time with her and she is thriving but I often feel "done" after a couple of hours on the weekends and wish I could go and focus on work. Obviously I can't because I committed to being a parent and she is in nursery most of the week so I "should" spend most of my time focusing on her on the weekends.

I do have a husband who parents 50/50 and so it's not like I'm a single mum with anything to really complain about.

I made my bed so I'll lie in it. I will do everything I can to make sure my daughter continues to feel loved and happy.

But the consequences are that I feel pretty terrible emotionally at times and feel like I'm existing, not living. Husband told me to take some time as I started crying at the dining table an hour ago at the thought of the day ahead. So I've been sobbing in the bedroom for a while before writing this rambling post.

I know I need to accept my choices and be a grown up for my daughter but how do I get past these feelings?

Also agree to going part time if at all possible, I was .6wte with DC1 and life was way more bearable. I went full time after returning from mat leave for DC2 and the guilt is something else. I intend to go back to 3 days ASAP, come hell or high water.

Me and DH (who is the stay at home parent) are hanging in there by chanting “it gets easier from 3”. I distinctly remember people telling me it got easier from 6 weeks, turns out that was bullshit!

@latriciamcneal

If there's any way you can reduce or quit your career to concentrate on being the best mum. Do that. Our children are the most precious thing in the whole world, we never get the time back and they notice our parenting when young. We've been told over the past couple of decades we need careers, but what for? To take us away from parenting? You're a doctor, you're supposed to have it made but you're miserable.

Take action. It's work that has to go, not your one shot at parenting.

WTF?! This is terrible, outdated advice! Women are absolutely entitled to have a career if they want to, and copious research shows it does not damage children or disadvantage them. Thankfully there have been some other more sensible suggestions. I think carving out a bit of time for you at the weekend is important. You could split one weekend day in half and you and your husband are each responsible for your son for half that day so the other can get on with what they want to do. If you can afford to, offload as much as you can to others eg cleaner, gardener. Or like others have suggested, some childcare some weekends. It's hard OP, but don't feel guilty for wanting time for you. It's important and if you look after yourself it will help your son too.