Hey everyone, so this evening has been pretty traumatic for me because I am so worried about the effects nights like this have on such a young and prime-time of a child's life.
Please excuse the length of this, I tried to get all the info in!
Here's the scope...
Generally we all have a good relationship - myself, my son, my mother and my father (his grandparents). Their involvement is HUGE because I am a single mum and this helps me massively in ways where I can have my career, time when I need it etc.
However tonight my mum (his grandmother) just lost it. It started because my son wanted the cake that gets left out on the side. Now I'm not strict, but I am aware of what he eats and tries to encourage more healthy eating (like most parents). Before dinner, he found some chocolate so he had that. My mum said he had some cake earlier too. I know he is only asking because he can see it on the side and wants it (like children do). Every time I go to the house, there are always biscuits, chocolates, cake, some sort of sweet thing out on the side (which is lovely when you're a guest, but not necessarily for toddlers). My son see's these things, asks for it, and they always give in. As long as it's not much, I try to tell myself that it's okay and I don't cause a fuss. I look at him as a person and it's not like I don't have the odd cake here and there!
But the point is, he's having this stuff because he see's it and wants it. It's right in front of him, and so I don't blame him. I say that we should put the stuff in the cupboards so it's hidden - out of sight, out of mind. Which I thought was a perfectly reasonable comment. If this was someone else's house, I would never suggest what or where they put anything, but we practically live there, and this should make a difference on how much sweet he eats, as he's around it all the time.
Anyway, my mum ended up yelling - she stood up, started opening and slamming cupboards, shouting "where, where do I f put it?!". There's an actual cupboard for crisps and snacks, so I thought there would be perfect (not to mention it keeps the house tidier!!). I don't really know why she has been set off like a firework, but over my lifetime she has always had these outbursts where something is said and it's like a switch has been flicked. Two minutes ago, my mum and I was sat casually at the dining room table chatting away nicely.
She then turns around at my son, starts flailing her arms shouting "just stop f asking for cake and chocolate all the f time!!" It wasn't just the swearing, it was the way she said it. With so much anger, hostility, at the top of her lungs. I said in response "how dare you speak to him like that". I was honestly shocked she could speak to him like that. I can't imagine ever doing that. She has been like that with me plenty of times, but he really was just an innocent little boy in this. She looks at me in the eyes and said with such vengeance "I don't f care... I don't f care alright. I'll be dead soon anyway, and it won't f matter. Sooner than you think and I'll be looking down on you struggling, and then what..." and she storms upstairs. So she goes off on this tangent and then doesn't speak to anyone (the usual thing). I look over at my son, who the first time ever, is staring into space, dead quiet, incrementally licking the top of the cake (which I'm actually glad he has now for some sort of comfort!). It's one of those things where you think, shout at me, but don't damage him. No matter what I could say or do to comfort him, he's there, he's heard it, he felt it. I feel heartbroken for him that he had to witness that, and I keep going over it in my head. Why is it that such a little thing has been blown out of control?
I am upset of what my son had to experience, and I feel angry that my mother can't even control her responses in front of a two year old. And I don't know what to do going forward. Following the usual patterns, she'll act like it's never happened soon enough and life will be back to "normal". But I am trying my best to raise him on how to express emotions properly, and treating everyone with respect (like this little thing could have been dealt with such dignity and class, and I'm still trying to comprehend why it wasn't). I've especially been made so aware of it all after my abusive ex (his father), who also struggled controlling his emotions and had his fair share of outbursts too. I am worried that already some of it could be in the genes, and I want to teach my son properly on how to handle life's situations, and my mum's example in what went on tonight, is exactly what I'm trying to steer him away from.
Why couldn't a calm conversation be the way to overcome the issue?
I could never understand this because these outbursts doesn't achieve anything except divide us further apart. I feel like it was such a small issue in the grand scheme of things, that has been made into a real big one. One with psychological effects.
Please help. Did I do anything in this to set her off? I'm concerned about my son, but apart from counteracting it by showing kindness and love, I don't know what to do? And what would you do going forward?
Any comments will be appreciated.
Many thanks x